Hahahahaha!!!
Some guy just called my cell phone, and in a very sleazy voice asked me “What delicious things do you have for me to eat?” (in Chinese). I burst out laughing, at which point his voice changed to a high pitched “Wei? Weiweiwei?” before hanging up.
Damn I wish I would have had time to think up a response!
How about the ones who insist they have the right number. They call back several times. I tell them so and so does not live here.
They say "Not so! " In Chinese.
I finally tell them in nice sad exasperated way…" Look this is my phone. I don’t speak Chinese. I’m tired. You are bothering me Please don’t call this number again. Okay?"
They say… “Oh… ok… sorry”.
Strange…it happens more than once. I say… deja vu, starting again.
I sometime pretend that the person actually called America, but with these digital read out phones, it doesn’t work anymore.
Next time, I’ll say Napoli Pizza…
Once in a while I get people calling me and they start talking right away, non-stop. Probably some sales pitch. So I listen for a while (not really, just holding the handset) and then I ask in my best Chinese “Ni shuo ying wen ma?”. They usually hang up faster than you can say “bye”.
You speak Chinese to them?? Wouldn’t that encourage them to continue?
I just tell them: “I don’t understand Chinese, please speak English”
Sorry, sorry, beep beep.
“Ni shuo ying wen ma?” means “Do you speak English?”, and that get’s the message across everytime. 
This kept happening to my boyfriend. This girl kept calling him, insisting that they had met, and kept asking, “You don’t remember me?” He kept asking her, in perfect Chinese, to identify herself, which she never would do, and he’d get so pissed off he’d finally just hang up on her. At 7PM each evening she’d call him and go through the same routine. Finally I suggested that he hand the phone the next time she calls.
The next evening, at promptly 7PM, she called. I picked up the phone. “Wei?” She rambled in Chinese, which I really don’t speak other than a few phrases here and there. So I started to have some fun:
Me: Wo gang gang fang pi la! (I just farted!)
Her: (laughter, more Chinese)
Me: Wo de tuzi hen ke ai. (My bunny is very cute.)
Her: (confused Chinese)
Me: Ni yao gan ma? (Do you want to have sex?)
Her:
It worked. She never called back again.
My all-time favorite is the time a teenager called and wanted to talk to grandma. I said he had the wrong number…
“but I want to talk to grandma!”
“I’m a foreigner”
“…Where’s grandma?”
“I’m a foreigner…does your grandma live with a foreigner?”
“…Why do you have my grandma’s phone number?”
click.
Maybe I should make up some ‘special edition’ flashcards: Prank wrong number responses 
I love wrong numbers. I got a call: “Is bobbob there?” Me: “nope, he went back to America.”
“oh… Ah… well… Do you want a job?”
[quote=“StarrStruck”]This kept happening to my boyfriend. This girl kept calling him, insisting that they had met, and kept asking, “You don’t remember me?” He kept asking her, in perfect Chinese, to identify herself, which she never would do, and he’d get so pissed off he’d finally just hang up on her. At 7PM each evening she’d call him and go through the same routine. Finally I suggested that he hand the phone the next time she calls.
The next evening, at promptly 7PM, she called. I picked up the phone. “Wei?” She rambled in Chinese, which I really don’t speak other than a few phrases here and there. So I started to have some fun:
Me: Wo gang gang fang pi la! (I just farted!)
Her: (laughter, more Chinese)
Me: Wo de tuzi hen ke ai. (My bunny is very cute.)
Her: (confused Chinese)
Me: Ni yao gan ma? (Do you want to have sex?)
Her:
It worked. She never called back again.[/quote]That’s not a wrong number. It’s a kind of scam I think, though I’m not quite sure how it’s supposed to work. Happens quite a lot, anyway.
[quote=“joesax”][quote=“StarrStruck”]This kept happening to my boyfriend. This girl kept calling him, insisting that they had met, and kept asking, “You don’t remember me?” He kept asking her, in perfect Chinese, to identify herself, which she never would do, and he’d get so pissed off he’d finally just hang up on her. At 7PM each evening she’d call him and go through the same routine. Finally I suggested that he hand the phone the next time she calls.
The next evening, at promptly 7PM, she called. I picked up the phone. “Wei?” She rambled in Chinese, which I really don’t speak other than a few phrases here and there. So I started to have some fun:
Me: Wo gang gang fang pi la! (I just farted!)
Her: (laughter, more Chinese)
Me: Wo de tuzi hen ke ai. (My bunny is very cute.)
Her: (confused Chinese)
Me: Ni yao gan ma? (Do you want to have sex?)
Her:
It worked. She never called back again.[/quote]That’s not a wrong number. It’s a kind of scam I think, though I’m not quite sure how it’s supposed to work. Happens quite a lot, anyway.[/quote]
Maybe they are going to steal the rabbit for sex unless a ransom is paid for in farts.
My best, with my utterly execrable Mandarin, has been five minutes of pure obfuscation.
I have taken great delight in winding the anonymous caller up with my arse clenching stupidity. I act as bovine as possible. It has been very therapeutic to exact revenge on these people who phone you up for no apparent reason.
After ‘Wei’, I proceed to do the Huh? several times then every now and again agree or disagree until the caller gets confused and asks:
Are you Taiwanese?
Yes.
Do you understand me?
Yes, of course I do, I am not stupid. (in my execrable Mandarin of course)
Then repeat the same.
With a few choice stock phrases one can keep the anonymous caller on line for a while before they experience utter frustration and give up. :loco:
It’s like my Grand Plan to become a Taiwanese-language talk show host. I’m already there…all you need to know is how to say “Mr.” and “Miss” and “Thank you” in Taiwanese, and then how to make that nasal “heh” sound that indicates “I’m listening to you, yup, uh-huh”.
Typical call:
Me: Tai-pat e Lim siu-chia (Miss Lin from Taipei)…wei?
Miss Lin: [she says something]
Me: Heh. Heh.
Miss Lin: [she continues talking and I say “heh” every now and then, mixing up individual “hehs” and groups of three or four in a row.]
Me: Heh…heh…hehhehheh…dosiali! [Uh huh…uh huh…mmmm…thanks a lot!]
Rinse, lather and repeat. Now you’re a media star. Taxi drivers everywhere won’t be able to tell the difference. 
I got a telemarketer a while back who actually spoke English. She ended up asking me if I wanted to have a language exchange. It was a little weird and I didn’t.