"You are not romantic!"

Really, I’m not! IMO relationships expire, romance goes out of the window, I’m just too cynical to believe in such things. I go to parties, meetings, I go out with lots of friends, they usually point something, or some couple, and ask me if that is not romantic and I just can’t see anything there, I feel nothing.
I love my friends, my grandma dearly, love life, good food, good books, good discussion, but I just don’t get the idea of romance and peoples look at me as if I have some sort of mental problem. What is romance anyway? Can’t feel anything of the sort.

You obviously haven’t met the right girl yet

The wife always like to say that to me.

I mean who doesn’t consider getting undressed foreplay? :loco:

I think romance is just the word we associate to a willingness to do things that woman like, even if we don’t particularly care about them. Setting the mood with candles, music, and wine. Creating actual dates with purpose of giving her a memorable night. Instead of just handing gifts over, plan a night of it, wrap them and include a hand written love letter. I think flowers are stupid, but if you’re with a girl that likes them then you get the damn flowers for her when the mood is right. For some woman it’s big grand gestures, and others it’s just small things like holding their hand or spontaneously hugging them and tell them you love them.

Romance is just doing nice things for her and it should make you happy to make her happy. If you’re not into romance, maybe you’re not into her? I don’t think romance is necessarily a character trait. It happens naturally when you meet someone you really want to make happy. I hope the right woman comes into your life so you’ll know what it feels like to actually WANT to be romantic with her.

And lest we forget, there’s always a few guys waiting in the wings willing to be romantic with her if you don’t. Relationships require some upkeep, and romance is part of your job as a good partner.

Women ought to be romantic too, in their own way. Romance is a two-way street.

I think the question should be: “what is love?” (“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more…”) because OP generally seems not to be able to feel the spark of romantic feeling or to even desire it as most of us. I’d say, good for OP, at least it’s easier.

Maybe some people are just not romantic.

Next Tuesday is Chinese Valentine’s Day, buy flowers, chocolates, and gifts to your friends is something called romatic most the women want.

But in my opinion, holding hands and take a walk together under the moonlight is the romantic. (sorry I just watch too many movies, lol)

I’m not romantic to prevent future complaints of the sort, “You used to be so romantic, but now…” That, and gifts don’t demonstrate genuine affection, as far as I’m concerned.

Oh, I dunno. It depends what it is. It bothers me when I hear about friends or acquaintances giving their wives/gfs outrageously expensive gifts, or worse, hong baos, as if that’s a “romantic” gesture. Apparently some gfs actually specify what gifts (or how much cash) they expect. They tell me this is Chinese culture. Bollocks. Culture evolves, and I’m pretty sure that particular aspect is a recent one introduced by the evangelists of consumerism.

Nothing wrong with buying each other little odds and ends now and then, though. Occasionally I’ll see something and think, the old ball’n’chain would like that. It’s usually something daft (and inexpensive). She does the same. I suppose that shows you’re thinking about what makes each other happy.


Happy Chinese Valentine Day, the day when men around the island will hear the “you’re not romantic” accusation :wink:

I am taking some female friends out for dinner later and that is the best. They are just friends, we can just talk, I don’t have the obligation to guess what proper gift I need to buy, give, I don’t need to concoct any poem on demand and do all those silly mushy gestures. I can be me 100% without enacting false sentimentalism and be accused later of not getting the moves right, not being truly romantic or not understanding her real self. I don’t need to get nervous for doing the wrong moves, giving the wrong gifts, anyway, I feel more comfortable with female friends rather than an official GF.

As far as the lavish gifts comment earlier, remember money and therefore gifts are relative to the individual. What may seem lavish to you and I may in fact be the equivilent of a can of coke to someone else.

Robert The Bruce, it does seem like your primary problem isn’t romance, but actually finding someone you care about. What seems fake and meaningless now may in fact feel good later on if you find the right woman, and you may yet enjoy being romantic… Good luck to you sir :slight_smile:

My girlfriend got me more lip balm – not an entirely selfless gift, but thoughtful.

Yesterday we argued with the wife. It was awful. We’re going through a rough patch in the finantial department (I’m working a lot but seldom getting paid). Anyways, there was this “Chinese Valentine” day, which I consider a plot from the malls and department stores to rack up the sales in an otherwise boring season. It’s not like Christianism has a strong foot set on the island, so why celebrate Valentine at all? (and why in summer, for fcks sake?) It’s not like they give a sht about other less-commercial saints, anyways.

Thing is, in other occasions (anniversaries, birthdays, and so on) I try at least to buy some flowers and go out for dinner, but yesterday was Tuesday, and Tuesdays (and most fridays, and whenever my inlaws feel like it) are the family dinner days. So no dinner, and I thought, being the bogus celebration day and the usual complaints from my wife because I spent money on flowers (which she doesn’t like at all, which will go bad after a few days), I wouldn’t do anything special. I was busy with my work and taking care of our daughter, anyways.

Had I been in contact with Admiral Ackbar, he should have informed me it was a trap. I wish.

At night, the main point of complaint was that “You didn’t even buy me flowers” and that “I work all day and you don’t do anything”, as if 5-month old my daughter took care of herself, and as if my business e-mails and calls made themselves… the only difference is that I do all that at home and she has to go into the office, so she can actually EXIT the office everyday, and I don’t. :frowning:

Ah, actually it’s not “valentines”, that just translation to English as the meaning of the day is for lovers to celebrate. But have no idea why on that specific day.

I had a fight with my bf too, as he drunk all the beer not leaving any for me… But we made up later that evening so no big deal. But I felt somewhat disappointed he did not prepare anything even tiny bit special, especially Italy be bad that day off.

He hates commercialism of valentines and all holidays, but he on e made an effort and it was awesome! So guys, make notes for free awesome gift, that’s what even cuter is self-made: A book of love coupons. He cut some papers and tied as small book with a sting, hand written titles and all. Ea h page was a coupon for some service from him to me. Ex. Massage, hair blow drying (coz I like when he does it for me), movie night (need to choose a movie at least 3 days prior so he can rent or download), home made dinner, bubbly bath, etc. use your knowledge of your gf to pick some stuff. There are some. Lupine I’m still holding onto :wink:
This is what we call romantic ~

Yes, but the thing is that I already celebrated Valentine’s day (which is not a holiday in my culture), and I also gave her flowers, dinner and a book for St. George’s Day (which IS lover’s day in my culture, and those are the traditional presents). I also celebrated our marriages anniversaries (the one in Taiwan, the one in Barcelona a month later).

And I like to buy her flowers, but every time I do, she’s complaining about flowers, telling me that’s a waste, that she DOESN’T like flowers, and so on. Every single time. She even argued with her mother about it, because I got her a huge bouquet for her birthday, and she said it was a waste of money, while her mother thought it was really nice and that she should at least thank me (WHICH SHE DIDN’T).

Then, yesterday she sees on facebook that a friend (or a coworker) of hers received flowers, and the sh*t hits the fan.

And yesterday at night, all I could think of was this guy:

I sent my wife a happy valentines day message on the phone yesterday and she wrote back, “ditto”.

I bought the NT$165 Ferrerro Rochet chocolates in a heart-shaped container from 7-Eleven yesterday after work and that was enough to make my super frugal gf exuberant. Man, I have found a keeper.

Blaquesmith, from my experience, Qixi Festival (I refuse to call it Chinese Valentine’s Day) is actually more important than February 14 to Taiwanese girls. Western Valentine’s Day is the one that is exploited by malls and commercial interests, whereas Qixi is actually supposed to be romantic. However, I never do anything on this day because, as all lunar holidays, it moves around and I never know it’s coming until too late.

Chalk it up to cultural differences. As a Jew, I’ve never done anything special on Christmas, and as an American, I DEFINITELY don’t think of Christmas as a romantic holiday. After three years of being together with my gf, I got chewed out for never having done anything special on Christmas (chocolates would have sufficed, or a walk around the city). I explained that I have never done Christmas, and it’s not meant to be about young lovers anyway (a very Asian interpretation of the holiday), to which she said: I know, but you still could have done something special regardless.

I wonder if Americans dating Chinese immigrants get disappointed when they don’t dress up as dancing lions for Chinese New Year. :unamused: