You know you've been in Taiwan too long when

tommy525 · September 19, 2006, 3:58pm

this thread has been around for some time on some other site that i came across. but it is pretty hilarious :

kelake.org/archive/living_in … -when.html

BW1 · September 19, 2006, 4:13pm

You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.

HAHA! Guess i’ve been here too long.

Dragonbones · September 19, 2006, 4:53pm

I just counted, and answered 76 of them yes.

I have to plead guilty to the following:

You know you’ve been in Taiwan too long when…

You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese.
You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
More than one garment has been ruined by salty sweat stains.
You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
“Squid” sounds better than “steak”.
You don’t notice the smell.
You speak fluent Chinglish.
You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.
Your family stops asking you when you’ll be coming back.
You don’t think beer is expensive.
You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
You offer directions to locals.
Forks and knives feel awkward.
The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
Foreigners smell funny.
You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet.
You get homesick for Chinese food when away from Taiwan.
At least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan.
You’re impressed by the safety of Taiwan scaffolding.
Locals are surprised to find out you can’t vote in the upcoming election.
You prefer to park on the sidewalk.
You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
You can haggle with the best of them.
Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with “wei?”)
You can tell taxi drivers the exact route to take…anywhere.
You know where to buy anything.
Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.
You shower in the evening.
You walk into restaurants and they know what you want before you order.
You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.
You fight to pay the bill.
You have fond memories of a particular spot in Taiwan…that no longer exists.
You look at traffic accidents with indifference.
You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
You can’t remember not having athlete’s foot.
Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…
You’ve become unconscious of profuse sweating.
You can cook Chinese.
You know police and tax officials by name.
Money from home looks and feels like “Monopoly” money.
You have Chinese input software on your computer.
The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you.
“Meibanfa” or “bukenung” are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices.
You look forward to typhoons because it you might get a day off work.
You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
You dream in Chinese.
You know just enough Taiwanese to embarrass someone who’s talking about you.
You have saved money.
When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return.
You wish desperately you could vote in local elections.
You’ve used up quite a few health insurance cards.
You had hair when you first got here.
You’ve been in a local hospital more than once.
You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.
You think the best gifts are practical.
You laugh when people say the word “illegal”
You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use.
The pages of your Chinese notebooks are yellow.
You drink the water.
You’re always the one who hold the door open button so others can get on.
You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks.
You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.
All your air tickets are round trip.
You’ve been on television.
You’ve been through several cellphones, computers, and business cards.
You forget to leave tips when back home.
You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them.
You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
You’ve picked up a few words of Japanese from TV.
You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.
You have nothing to say to people back home.

:help: :loco:

MJB · September 19, 2006, 5:16pm

Dragonbones…You think yours is bad?

You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese.
You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
More than one garment has been ruined by betel-nut spit.
More than one garment has been ruined by salty sweat stains.
More than one garment has been ruined by food grease.
Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
20 degrees feels cold.
There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you’d ever put in a
Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
You stop conjugating verbs.
You speak fluent Chinglish.
You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
You expect a Chinese New Year’s bonus.
You spend two hours and a fortune to eat Western food.
You can distinguish aboriginal languages.
Your family stops asking you when you’ll be coming back.
You consider taxi drivers “good drivers”.
You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
You don’t stop or look both ways before driving through a red light.
“A”, “an” and “the” aren’t necessary parts of speech.
You know when the next “big bai-bai” is.
Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
You wear out your horn before your brakes.
You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
You offer directions to locals.
Forks and knives feel awkward.
The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
Foreigners smell funny.
You point out foreigners and stare at them.
You shop for clothes at night markets and the clothes fits.
You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet.
The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you are buried here.
You find yourself saying, “Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Rat.”
You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
You get homesick for Chinese food when away from Taiwan.
You can name two dozen different types of night market snacks.
You pray at temples for a winning lottery number.
At least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan.
People no longer come up to you on the street and want to be your friend.
You’re impressed by the safety of Taiwan scaffolding.
The last few vacations you’ve had have been around Taiwan on company outings.
You’ve had a dozen different Taiwan email addresses.
You’ve had several local cell phone numbers.
Locals are surprised to find out you can’t vote in the upcoming election.
Your pets are bilingual.
Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles.
Sometimes the sight of yourself in the mirror shocks you.
You think your nose is big.
You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
You take “ho” onto the end of your sentences.
You say “hei” instead of yes.
You can haggle with the best of them.
You don’t want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant.
Your English has gone to hell.
Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with “wei?”)
You can differentiate different types of tea, even during a hot tea blowjob.
You can tell taxi drivers the exact route to take…anywhere.
You know where to buy anything.
Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.
You shower in the evening.
You walk into restaurants and they know what you want before you order.
You only know what’s popular back home from the dress and speech of new foreign Chinese students.
You get all mushy inside when you think about Chinese New Year.
You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.
You fight to pay the bill.
You don’t open gifts until you get home.
You have fond memories of a particular spot in Taiwan…that no longer exists.
You can tell what someone wants from what they don’t say.
You can tell what is inside a Chinese/Taiwanese cookie without biting into it.
You recognize old girlfriends.
You count yourself fortunate to have stepped in dog shit.
You know the difference between a duvet, duna, and comforter.
Your mom has a funny accent.
You look at traffic accidents with indifference.
You can tell the political orientations of local cable news stations from the way they report the news.
You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
You own a buxiban.
You can’t remember not having athlete’s foot.
You’re terrified that the chicken head will point at you during the annual “wei ya”.
You are in a car with six people and argue with the seventh to hurry up and get in.
NT$1000 is far less than the equivalent in your home currency.
Your kids speak better Chinese than you do.
Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…
You can keep up with the plot lines of local soap operas.
You see Taiwanese who resemble your foreign friends and relatives back home.
You’ve become unconscious of profuse sweating.
You no longer sweat.
You know where to buy clothes that fit you.
You can cook Chinese.
You know police and tax officials by name.
You know the visa system better than people in the visa offices.
You cannot say the number six without an accompanying hand gesture.
The only TV shows you know about from home are those in syndication in Taiwan.
Money from home looks and feels like “Monopoly” money.
You feel embarassed for other foreigners.
You can’t live without dried squid-flavored strips.
You know the names of Taiwan actors, actresses, singers, politicians, and broadcasters.
The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
Writing an email in English is taxing.
You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you.
Your savings are in a “hui”.
You’ve started a “hui”.
You take stock market tips from taxi drivers.
“Meibanfa” or “bukenung” are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices.
You look forward to typhoons because it you might get a day off work.
You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.
You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
You get a feng shui expert to go apartment hunting with you.
You can tell the difference between a fresh and a stale betelnut.
Your friends have gone home, gotten advanced degrees, and returned to Taiwan.
When someone back home asks you how things are going in “Thailand,” you are offended but don’t say anything.
You dream in Chinese.
You know just enough Taiwanese to embarrass someone who’s talking about you.
You have saved money.
When driving back home, people give you the finger.
When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return.
Your police friends feel safe telling you about recent bribes they’ve taken.
You wish desperately you could vote in local elections.
Your kid is half Chinese, I mean, Taiwanese.
You haven’t had a dent on your motor vehicle in years.
Dry weather irritates your skin.
You realize that everyone is available.
You’ve used up quite a few health insurance cards.
You run into former students in bars.
Your porn collection is over 90% Asian.
You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco.
You’ve called gangster friends to help you settle a dispute.
The credit card you gave your wife is your “get out of jail free card”
You learn more about the news from what it doesn’t say.
You piss off locals with running commentary on the local news.
You know someone who’s died here.
You drink coffee in the morning and tea at night.
You could rebuild your entire life in a day.
You had hair when you first got here.
New arrivals mistake your sarcasm for bitterness.
You have a beer taste on a champagne budget.
You just don’t understand what all those new young Mandarin students are all about.
You’ve consulted a lawyer.
You are a lawyer.
You’ve been in a local hospital more than once.
You only get gastroenteritis when you return home.
You own more travel guides than places you’ve been to.
You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.
You think the best gifts are practical.
You think the best gift is money.
You laugh when people say the word “illegal”
You think a half-hour car ride is an excruciatingly long time
You’ve bought the same thing a dozen times … and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
You get get all weepy when you hear Christmas music.
You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use.
The pages of your Chinese notebooks are yellow.
The Lonely Planet Taiwan guide is so shallow.
You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home.
You have a giant wedding photo on your wall
You’ve had a giant wedding photo on your wall.
You own something cute.
You bake in a toaster oven.
You drink the water.
You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.
You can shell shrimp in your mouth within seconds.
You speak English in hotels to get better service.
You’re always the one who hold the door open button so others can get on.
You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks.
You practice s-curves on the freeway at 120.
You answer either/or questions with yes.
You watch those late-night girls in bikini shows.
You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.
You know what DM, POP, AE, XO, WC, and AV stand for or mean.
All your air tickets are round trip.
You pay close attention to traffic reports.
You’ve been on television.
You have a stuffed animal in your car.
You’ve been through several cellphones, computers, and business cards.
Over half of your software is pirated.
You call your wife on your cellphone just to let her know you really are out with the guys.
You make up a really god excuse otherwise.
You forget to leave tips when back home.
You don’t buy anything unless you can get a discount.
You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them.
You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
You move to be within driving distance of the freeway.
You’ve picked up a few words of Japanese from TV.
You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.
You dust-mop your floor.
You try to tell people back about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored.
You have nothing to say to people back home.
You smile when you’re embarrassed or angry.

God, how depressing…

Mucha_Man · September 19, 2006, 5:33pm

Hey!! :fume:

SuchAFob · September 19, 2006, 5:56pm

More than one garment has been ruined by betel-nut spit.
More than one garment has been ruined by salty sweat stains.
More than one garment has been ruined by food grease.
Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
20 degrees feels cold.
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
“Squid” sounds better than “steak”.
You don’t notice the smell.
Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.
Your family stops asking you when you’ll be coming back.
You don’t think beer is expensive.
You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
You offer directions to locals.
Forks and knives feel awkward.
Foreigners smell funny.
You own a Mando-pop CD.
You’ve been to a Mando-pop concert.
You know the lyrics to Mando-pop songs and/or have sung them in KTV.
You shop for clothes at night markets and the clothes fits.
You get homesick for Chinese food when away from Taiwan.
You can name two dozen different types of night market snacks.
You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan.
People no longer come up to you on the street and want to be your friend. why is that, anyways
The last few vacations you’ve had have been around Taiwan on company outings.
You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets).
You think your nose is big.
You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
You don’t want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant.
Your English has gone to hell.
Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with “wei?”)
Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.
You shower in the evening.
The smell of chou dofu makes your mouth water.
You know the difference between a duvet, duna, and comforter.
Your mom has a funny accent.
You look at traffic accidents with indifference.
You think Taiwan game shows are fucking hilarious.
You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
You just can’t get that Kenny G song out of your head.
You get a post-dated check two months after completing a job and still thank your employer.
You see Taiwanese who resemble your foreign friends and relatives back home.
You’ve become unconscious of profuse sweating.
You no longer sweat.
You know where to buy clothes that fit you.
You can cook Chinese.
You know the visa system better than people in the visa offices.
You cannot say the number six without an accompanying hand gesture.
The only TV shows you know about from home are those in syndication in Taiwan.
You feel embarassed for other foreigners.
You have Chinese input software on your computer.
You can’t live without dried squid-flavored strips.
You know the names of Taiwan actors, actresses, singers, politicians, and broadcasters.
The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you.
Internal organs are yummy.
You look forward to typhoons because it you might get a day off work.
You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.
You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
When someone back home asks you how things are going in “Thailand,” you are offended but don’t say anything.
You know just enough Taiwanese to embarrass someone who’s talking about you.
You have saved money.
Dry weather irritates your skin.
You realize that everyone is available.
You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco.
You learn more about the news from what it doesn’t say.
You piss off locals with running commentary on the local news.
You had hair when you first got here.
New arrivals mistake your sarcasm for bitterness.
You have a beer taste on a champagne budget.
You’ve consulted a lawyer.
You’ve been in a local hospital more than once.
You own more travel guides than places you’ve been to.
You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.
You think the best gifts are practical.
You think the best gift is money.
You think a half-hour car ride is an excruciatingly long time
You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use.
The Lonely Planet Taiwan guide is so shallow.
You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home.
You own something cute.
You bake in a toaster oven.
You’re always the one who hold the door open button so others can get on.
You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.
All your air tickets are round trip.
You’ve been on television.
You’ve been through several cellphones, computers, and business cards.
Over half of your software is pirated.
You don’t buy anything unless you can get a discount.
You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
You move to be within walking distance of the MRT.
You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.

Shit.

ImaniOU · September 19, 2006, 7:11pm

Well, I’m still a newbie to you guys as I have not yet qualified for an APRC yet…still need two more years and I live in an absolute cultural bubble so I don’t fit so much as you all do, but here’s my contribution…

You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese. (well, the things that I want, and I’ve finally mastered how to say ketchup in Chinese…or at least slur it so they get the idea)
You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.(I much prefer driving a scooter to a car and only wish I could ship one home with me)
More than one garment has been ruined by food grease.
Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
20 degrees feels cold. (Always has been. Imagine my misery living in Ohio for 14 years of my life…)
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
You don’t notice the smell.
You stop conjugating verbs.
You speak fluent Chinglish.
The main reason you stop at a 7-11 is to buy tea eggs.
You expect a Chinese New Year’s bonus.
Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.
You spend two hours and a fortune to eat Western food.
Your family stops asking you when you’ll be coming back.
You consider taxi drivers “good drivers”. (Excellent drivers… the faster, the better the tip)
“A”, “an” and “the” aren’t necessary parts of speech.
You know when the next “big bai-bai” is.
You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
You (any gender) wear polyester and paisley. (gulp)
People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
You offer directions to locals.
You leave the plastic on new furniture and appliances.
Forks and knives feel awkward.
The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
Foreigners smell funny.
Mando- pop remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals. (Most of Christina Aguilera’s songs do anyways…)
You own a Mando-pop CD. (Guilty as charged… actually, I own several)
You know the lyrics to Mando-pop songs and/or have sung them in KTV.
You point out foreigners and stare at them.
You shop for clothes at night markets and the clothes fits. (well, socks at least)
You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet.
You get homesick for Chinese food when away from Taiwan.
You can name two dozen different types of night market snacks.
At least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here. (As well as the Taiwanese)
You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan. (Not quite true…but almost)
People no longer come up to you on the street and want to be your friend. (Finally!)
You’re impressed by the safety of Taiwan scaffolding.
The last few vacations you’ve had have been around Taiwan on company outings. (Kending, Hualien…)
You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets). (See my personal guide on using a squat toilet on my blog)
You’ve had a dozen different Taiwan email addresses.
You’ve had several local cell phone numbers. (try like 5 or 6)
Your pets are bilingual.
Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles. (or stopped taxis)
Sometimes the sight of yourself in the mirror shocks you.
You think your nose is big.
You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent. (easily done if you want to be understood around here)
You take “ho” onto the end of your sentences.
You say “hei” instead of yes. (I prefer just grunting)
You can haggle with the best of them.
You don’t want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant.
Your English has gone to hell.
Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with “wei?”)
You can tell taxi drivers the exact route to take…anywhere. (Only way to travel)
You know where to buy anything.
Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable. (only in someone else’s home as I don’t know how clean their floor is)
You shower in the evening.
The smell of chou dofu makes your mouth water. (with the taste of bile…)
You walk into restaurants and they know what you want before you order. (and the local bubble tea shop. Zhen zhu hong cha!)
You only know what’s popular back home from the dress and speech of new foreign Chinese students. (and music and movies…)
You get all mushy inside when you think about Chinese New Year. (Especially because of a certain Taiwanese guy…)
The best way of spending your free time is sleeping. (one of my top hobbies)
You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.
You fight to pay the bill.
You don’t open gifts until you get home.
You have fond memories of a particular spot in Taiwan…that no longer exists. (and I remember when Taipei 101 was just a glint in someone’s eye… okay, when it was knee-high to Dangermouse)
You don’t make important decisions without consulting the temple astrologer. (or the I Ching coins)
You can tell what someone wants from what they don’t say.
ICRT is a “good” radio station. (no, that would be a sign that you were losing your mind)
Some of your biggest musical influences have been the Carpenters and Air Supply CDs. (thank you ICRT! )
You know the difference between a duvet, duna, and comforter.
Your mom has a funny accent. (and gets pissed off when I laugh at her accent too!)
You look at traffic accidents with indifference.
You think Taiwan game shows are fucking hilarious.
You can tell the political orientations of local cable news stations from the way they report the news.
You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
You own a shirt with a pig on it. (And a notebook, and a pack of stickers, and a handbag, and a schedule book…)
You get a post-dated check two months after completing a job and still thank your employer. (If only…)
You are in a car with six people and argue with the seventh to hurry up and get in. (Only when it’s a taxi)
NT$1000 is far less than the equivalent in your home currency.
When you’re thirsty, you go to 7-11 for a box of tea.
Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…
You see Taiwanese who resemble your foreign friends and relatives back home. (scary the first time that happens…)
You’ve become unconscious of profuse sweating.
You no longer sweat.
You know where to buy clothes that fit you.
You can cook Chinese.
You know police and tax officials by name.
You know the visa system better than people in the visa offices.
You cannot say the number six without an accompanying hand gesture.
The only TV shows you know about from home are those in syndication in Taiwan.
Money from home looks and feels like “Monopoly” money.
You feel embarassed for other foreigners.
You add syllables to English words when speaking Chinese (eg test-uh)
You have Chinese input software on your computer.
The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you. (And still accumulating more every day)
Internal organs are yummy.
“Meibanfa” or “bukenung” are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices.
You celebrate your birthday with taro, red bean, and lard.
You look forward to typhoons because it you might get a day off work. (Doesn’t everyone?)
You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.
You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
Your friends have gone home, gotten advanced degrees, and returned to Taiwan. (guilty)
When someone back home asks you how things are going in “Thailand,” you are offended but don’t say anything.
You dream in Chinese.
You have saved money. (not yet…and it’s only been five years)
When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return. (especially back to the States)
You haven’t had a dent on your motor vehicle in years. (not having one…)
Dry weather irritates your skin.
You’ve used up quite a few health insurance cards. (You were here back in the days when health insurance cards were consumable!)
You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco. (An ADHD, slightly psychotic kid in a candy store, you mean)
You know someone who’s died here.
You could rebuild your entire life in a day.
You had hair when you first got here. (I’ve had six very different hairstyles and several more different colors since coming to Taiwan)
New arrivals mistake your sarcasm for bitterness.
You just don’t understand what all those new young Mandarin students are all about.
You’ve consulted a lawyer.
You’ve been in a local hospital more than once. (Uh, I have my own personal ER bed and the doctors roll their eyes when they see me)
You only get gastroenteritis when you return home.
You own more travel guides than places you’ve been to.
You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.
You think the best gifts are practical.
You think the best gift is money.
You laugh when people say the word “illegal”
You think a half-hour car ride is an excruciatingly long time
You’ve bought the same thing a dozen times … and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
You get get all weepy when you hear Christmas music.
You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use. (THE KITCHEN!)
The pages of your Chinese notebooks are yellow.
The Lonely Planet Taiwan guide is so shallow. (I had to add places to my old one)
You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home. (and cell phones are so 2003 there!)
You own something cute.
You bake in a toaster oven.
You drink the water.
You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.
You speak English in hotels to get better service.
You’re always the one who hold the door open button so others can get on.
Under no circumstances would you ever give up your seat.
You answer either/or questions with yes.
You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.
All your air tickets are round trip.
You’ve been on television.
You’ve been through several cellphones, computers, and business cards.
Over half of your software is pirated.
You forget to leave tips when back home.
You don’t buy anything unless you can get a discount.
You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them.
Bread is thick, mushy, and sweet as hell.
You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
You move to be within walking distance of the MRT.
You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.
You dust-mop your floor.
You try to tell people back about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored.
You have nothing to say to people back home.
You smile when you’re embarrassed or angry.

So there you have it. If I drank more and chewed betel nut, I’d probably be able to answer more of those…

Dragonbones · September 20, 2006, 3:15am

[quote=“MJB”]Dragonbones…You think yours is bad?

You pray at temples for a winning lottery number.
[/quote]

Really? You do that?

Tigerman · September 20, 2006, 4:58am

you know you’ve been in Taiwan too long when … threads like this hold absolutely no appeal whatsoever… :s

Quentin · September 21, 2006, 5:48am

You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese.
You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
More than one garment has been ruined by salty sweat stains.
More than one garment has been ruined by food grease.
Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
You turn left from the right lane, no matter how many lanes there are.
20 degrees feels cold.
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
“Squid” sounds better than “steak”.
You don’t notice the smell.
There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you’d ever put in a
You stop conjugating verbs.
You speak fluent Chinglish.
You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.
You spend two hours and a fortune to eat Western food.
You don’t think beer is expensive.
You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
You don’t stop or look both ways before driving through a red light.
“A”, “an” and “the” aren’t necessary parts of speech.
You wear out your horn before your brakes.
You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
You (male) wear white socks with suits and black socks with tennis shorts. You (female) wear socks with pantyhose in summer. You (any gender) wear polyester and paisley.
People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
You offer directions to locals.
The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
You point out foreigners and stare at them.
You shop for clothes at night markets and the clothes fits.
You own at least one mosquito tennis raquet.
The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you are buried here.
You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
You get homesick for Chinese food when away from Taiwan.
You can name two dozen different types of night market snacks.
At least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan.
People no longer come up to you on the street and want to be your friend.
You’ve had several local cell phone numbers.
Your pets are bilingual.
You prefer to park on the sidewalk.
Sometimes the sight of yourself in the mirror shocks you.
You think your nose is big.
You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with “wei?”)
You can differentiate different types of tea, even during a hot tea blowjob.
You can tell taxi drivers the exact route to take…anywhere.
You know where to buy anything.
Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.
You walk into restaurants and they know what you want before you order.
You only know what’s popular back home from the dress and speech of new foreign Chinese students.
You get all mushy inside when you think about Chinese New Year.
The best way of spending your free time is sleeping.
You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.
You fight to pay the bill.
You have fond memories of a particular spot in Taiwan…that no longer exists.
Taiwan beer is your beer of choice and you prefer it with ice.
You can tell what someone wants from what they don’t say.
You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
NT$1000 is far less than the equivalent in your home currency.
Steak just doesn’t taste right without an egg, noodles, and tomato sauce.
When you’re thirsty, you go to 7-11 for a box of tea.
Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…
You see Taiwanese who resemble your foreign friends and relatives back home.
You cannot say the number six without an accompanying hand gesture.
The only TV shows you know about from home are those in syndication in Taiwan.
Money from home looks and feels like “Monopoly” money.
You feel embarassed for other foreigners.
You have Chinese input software on your computer.
You can’t live without dried squid-flavored strips.
You know the names of Taiwan actors, actresses, singers, politicians, and broadcasters.
The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you.
Internal organs are yummy.
You look forward to typhoons because it you might get a day off work.
You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.
You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return.
Dry weather irritates your skin.
You realize that everyone is available.
You’ve used up quite a few health insurance cards.
You run into former students in bars.
You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco.
You know someone who’s died here.
You drink coffee in the morning and tea at night.
You could rebuild your entire life in a day.
You had hair when you first got here.
New arrivals mistake your sarcasm for bitterness.
You have a beer taste on a champagne budget.
You just don’t understand what all those new young Mandarin students are all about.
You’ve been in a local hospital more than once.
You own more travel guides than places you’ve been to.
You think the best gifts are practical.
You think the best gift is money.
You laugh when people say the word “illegal”
You are attracted to the parents of your students.
You think a half-hour car ride is an excruciatingly long time
You’ve bought the same thing a dozen times … and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use.
The pages of your Chinese notebooks are yellow.
The Lonely Planet Taiwan guide is so shallow.
You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home.
You own something cute.
You bake in a toaster oven.
You’re always the one who hold the door open button so others can get on.
You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks.
All your air tickets are round trip.
You’ve been through several cellphones, computers, and business cards.
Over half of your software is pirated.
You forget to leave tips when back home.
You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
You have nothing to say to people back home.

ImaniOU · September 23, 2006, 7:14am

You know you’ve been in Taiwan too long when you use this list to boost your ego about having out xin taiwan ren’ed someone else.

tommy525 · September 23, 2006, 7:28am

hey guys ? got any NEW ONES , not from the list to add , to the list???

show em off HERE :

Quentin · September 23, 2006, 7:30am

OK, fess up. I know some of you are guilty.

You are a connoisseur of fine brothels.

Quentin · September 23, 2006, 7:37am

You drink your beer with ice and LIKE it that way.
You get ready to take out your garbage whenever you hear the ice cream truck.
You possess an extensive collection of Hello Kitty magnets from 7-11.
You pay your phone, computer, water, and electric bills at the 7-11.

Matchstick_man · September 23, 2006, 2:11pm

You’re no longer shocked when a taxi driver speaks perfect English.

You know the only reason the taxi driver has ICRT on the radio is because you are his fare.

You listen to ICRT on your radio at home but only when there is possibly a typhoon day.

Green peas on pizza taste even better than corn on pizza.

Gaijinian · September 23, 2006, 2:52pm

You can speak Taiwanese, and don’t know why it suprises the locals

You don’t drink ice water, warm water is much better

You laugh at a mainland accent

You know the address of every “Seven” in town

Six meals a day and you go to bed hungry

You need someone to point out very obvious things for you

Going from Yilan to Taipei gives you jet-leg for a week.

You think your name is “ta”

You spend 50 NT on a huge “morning food”…what’s the word for it, and you think it is crazy expensive. However, you have no problem dropping 800 NT on Italy-noodles for a tiny portion; and you ask for chopsticks when eating Itay-noodles

tommy525 · September 25, 2006, 3:59am

[quote=“Gaijinian”]You can speak Taiwanese, and don’t know why it suprises the locals

You don’t drink ice water, warm water is much better

You laugh at a mainland accent

You know the address of every “Seven” in town

Six meals a day and you go to bed hungry

You need someone to point out very obvious things for you

Going from Yilan to Taipei gives you jet-leg for a week.

You think your name is “ta”

You spend 50 NT on a huge “morning food”…what’s the word for it, and you think it is crazy expensive. However, you have no problem dropping 800 NT on Italy-noodles for a tiny portion; and you ask for chopsticks when eating Itay-noodles[/quote]

HAHAHA cracks me up !!! soooooooo true

ImaniOU · September 25, 2006, 4:17am

Your friends name their children after your Chinese name.

You ask the taxi driver if he speaks English, just to make sure he can’t understand your conversation.

You ask the taxi driver if he speaks Mandarin, just to make sure he can’t understand your conversation.

It’s been years since you’ve hung out in a bar that didn’t have its own karaoke machine.

You can name at least two hot fruits (cherries and lychees) and two cold fruits (bananas and mangoes) and avoid them when appropriate.

You do your own bai bai.

You know what it means if you hold your chopsticks too low.

Instead of buying authentic Taiwanese crafts, you make your own.

You have your own stall at the nightmarkets.

TainanCowboy · September 25, 2006, 4:26am

I wish…

Belgian_Pie · September 25, 2006, 4:46am

You start wearing red t-shirts and join the protesters in Taipei … or wear green and head down south …