Young German trying to understand/help young Taiwanese (face, "strange" behaviour)

Why would you be sorry for that?

Well OP does all out of goodwill. So I don’t mean any disrespect, but how things go down looks just very funny.

I know, and that said me that he is in big need, an has problems he cant solve by himself. In Germany the people are in case of feelings not that shy, but not even here smeone would do that. It seems that he trusts me, otherwise I think he wouldnt be so affectionate to me.

I think not that it would be a good idea to have sex with a person that searches only near and you dont know if he wants that too.

Don´t worry about laughing about this thread, you should see some of my colleauges…

I have spoken with my boss, he has no problem if the taiwanese stays by me, but said I should tell him if he wants to stay longer, it seems that the taiwanese company pays the hotel room, but then we have to pay the taiwanese company to pay for the hotel room, but until yet the taiwanese company does not know about his problems and this entire story, we have decided to keep thast internal for first, because we dont want to make him problems in his job.

What I have found out is, that it seems his main problems are fear because mainland china, and problems between him and his parents, he loves it to cuddle with me, and it seems he does that because his parents didnt allowed it.

He shows some interest in computer like things like my 4004, but I cannot explain him so much about it because I know some basic instructions of that thing and am probably able to program it in the worst possible way, but I have not enough knowledge to explain anopther one facts about this thing (Found it by myself in a scrapyard, include the 4001, 4002 and 4003, that are needed to run the 4004, but no PCB for it to run it) I really dont know why such a person in todays time interests himself in things like assembler, those languages died long time ago, and I know only a little bit about it because I disassemble some small ARM binaries for hobby projects sometime.

I think I will able to help him at least a little bit, with this sadness problem.

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Hello folks again.

I have now observated the behavior of my guest some time, spoken with him a little bit in calm, and I think I know now whats his problem, but have no idea how to help him. I think its like that: He is gay, but his parents see this as sickness, and blamed him for being gay, that had lead to his problems and it would declare why he sticks so much on me, he simply searches for near and probably for more, but I dont know that and will do nothing, if he does nothing in this direction. The big question in this case is now, how to help him because if he goes back to Taiwan, his problems will be the same, it sems that his parents see gayness as sickness, and dont accept it. I am not completely sure if I have understood that right (Its a little bit difficult to understand a person that tells you something and 10 minutes later he tells it different) the only thing I know is: I want to help him, and have no idea how. If heres someone who has experinced such a problem between his parents and himself it would be great if he can tell me how he solved it, it seems that my visitor is absolutely overwhelmed with those tensions between him and his parents.

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Maybe there’s no simple answer for your friend, because it must be painful when one’s parents disapprove or refuse to accept their child. even more so in a traditional Taiwanese family, where children are expected to show obedience and respect to their parents.

It seems his problem is, first of all, his relationship with his parents. If they refuse to accept him, and if they think he can choose not to be gay (when he really is), then he’s facing the same position as any young gay person who’s trying to come out. I think it would really help him if he could talk to other young gay people whose parents opposed or criticized the children’s sexuality.

My second thought is that this is also his personal psychological or emotional issue: your friend is bound to struggle with issues of identity and feelings of self-worth when his parents object or disapprove of him, no matter how strong he is! I would encourage him to talk with a counselor who understands gay issues, particularly after he returns to Taiwan. With Skype and a zoom calls, I know that therapists all over the globe are offering online therapy meetings. I bet he can find someone to talk with.

Without knowing him, I’m guessing he needs some good friends in his personal life who understand what he’s going through. Maybe he needs to become part of a gay community for the support he needs? This is possible in Taiwan.

Taiwan is a fairly tolerant place when it comes to young gay people. When your friend returns to Taiwan, there are gay communities that he can join and people who he can reach out to. In recent years Taiwan has even taken steps to legalize gay marriage.

In his personal life, your friend may not know any tolerant or accepting individuals. But if he’s willing to broaden his social life and make new friends he can find accepting gay friends in Taiwan. He can also find straight friends who aren’t concerned about his sexuality! But I’m assuming it would benefit him to talk to others who struggled with his same problem.

Because he has trusted and confided in you, your role is simply to listen, and reassure him that it will be alright. And tell him that there’s nothing wrong with him, and he can live a happy life.

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What I wonder about is: It seems that he LOVES to cuddle with me, he likes nothing more than cuddling with me, the entire night and in the day if we are not in the company too. I dont know how old he was at the timepoint his parents started treating him like a stranger, but it seems it has hurted him very deeply.

I am by myself a little bit (more) gay so I understand his problems somewhere, I had not that problem with my parents, but I think every gay person has fear to come out and fears to get rejected then.

I will see how I can help him, I have asked him sometime what his biggest fear is, and he said that he fears to loose me, I dont know if he was serious, but it made me think.

Well then it seems obvious. He’s become attached to you! Tread carefully! Don’t break his heart.

:rofl:

This is sounding more and more like a poorly-written erotica. You just need to fill in the graphic sex scenes.

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Gain, I know that sounds funny (You should see my colleagues, some of them laugh themselves to dead about me) but for me and especially for him its not funny, and I really think he has serious problems, otherwise he didnt show the behavior he shows. I really dont know what to do now, and I have really fear that it makes him only more psychical trouble to get seperated from me when he goes back to Taiwan.

So uh… you two cuddle throughout the night…and he wakes up next to you in the morning…Do you spoon? And if so…isn’t the morning wood kind of awkward? :eggplant:

:thinking:

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Yes, we do spoon, this morning wood thing is no problem becasue we both are grown men (Even if hes more like a child…) and know about such things, so everything fine. He sleeps sometimes in the spoon position in front of me, but there were nights too, he slept on top of me. How I said, he loves to cuddle, and I really think already he loves nothing more in his life than cuddle.

But I think he loves cuddling only so much because he lacked it in his childhood, and if I am right, he has some (psychical) problems in his life. I know that such a behavior is absolutely not common.

If its really like jmee said, that he is attached to me, then we have another problem too, because I think the company in Taiwan wants to have their worker back someday.

Reminder: I need to come back here to add something of value to this thread. Just not now, too lazy and uninspired.

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This thread needs a Barry White soundtrack.

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Please do.

PS: I vouch for that the OP is not trolling. Amusing as his story might seem to sound. “Life writes the strangest stories”… As we say in Germany. And nope, OP is not my sock puppet either.

PS: this thread is also connected: How does Gay dating in Taiwan work? - #13 by Steve4nLanguage

PPS: Changed thread title and sub-forum, I hope it’s more fitting than before

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Well this has been a weirdly interesting thread to skim through.

Okay, so, @ME2000 ; keep in mind that many of the people in this forum are old enough to have been born before plastic was invented. When they were your age, the Soviet Union was still in its heyday and people rode dinosaurs to school. So, take their advice with a grain of salt.

What you described sounds to me like a pretty common occurrence (maybe not so much when dinosaurs still roamed the earth).

Here’s what I think. You’re 20; he’s 20; you’re both still young and naturally you’ll find many things in life confusing. Maybe he likes you; you certainly sound like you like him. Maybe just roll with it. You don’t always have to know the answer. Sometimes the thing to do is to do nothing. That is, just be there for him (as long as you want to, and you sound like you do). Don’t worry too much about the long term - or about finding a ‘solution’. Maybe just enjoy his weird-as idiosyncrasies. God knows we’re all a little weird sometimes.

Hope it works out.

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Nah. Never. Our dinosaurs just weren’t trainable.

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My experience is germany looks pleasing to the eyes but their technology is like the stone age, seriously.

Wifi in germany is ripoff, you’re better off getting a prepaid E plus card and use your 3 or 4 g internet. Not unlimited but better than paying 20 euros for 1 day of wifi.

And computers or other tech items cost like 2x as much as taiwan.

I bought a 3g wifi thingie from Mediamarkt once in 2011 and that was the best investment I ever made. Even that cost 100 euros. It was made by huawei.

Anyone going to Germany from taiwan, make sure you buy all your tech stuff in taiwan. Don’t count on good wifi. Some airports or train station have wifi but you pay through the nose for it. Get a local sim card as soon as possible as they will have 30 day 5 gig internet for as low as 25 euros.

Yes, most developed country, including the US don’t offer unlimited mobile internet. Taiwan is the only country I know of that does.

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Not always the case, sometimes electronics can be cheaper in Germany including the made in TW ones.

3G has already been phased out many places. If only you invested that money in crypto currency.

US have different unlimited data options. One of the most interesting ones is Google Fi, I don’t have any experience with them, but hope they will launch something similar in Europe.
Even Germany has unlimited mobile data options. Unbegrenztes Datenvolumen: Günstige o2 Free Unlimited-Tarife

I know Taiwan has cheaper and faster options. But most countries worth staying longer than a few weeks can offer something.

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