Younger men

Hypothetically speaking, what can a man in his early 20’s offer a 30 year old woman? Let’s say these guys are in the 22-24 age range and they are actively pursuing. Is there any potential for a real relationship to develop? Should said woman actually give these guys any consideration or should she just enjoy the attention and keep her eyes on guys closer to her own age?

Any thoughts?

Sexual prime for men is around 20 and for women around 30. So, I guess there’s that. I’d be too old for you, now, if you limited yourself to those options though.

Well, I’m 30 now and I have never dated a woman younger than me. On average the ladies I’ve been with have been 3 years older but I’ve gone as far as ten years older. Maybe that is a little extreme though, I guess…
I’ve always been attracted to older women because they are more sexually liberated, know what they want from life, are more mature and generally not full of sh*t…

But that’s just me I guess. Probably depends on the guy (or women) and how you approach the realtionship. Personally I think the older woman younger man is a much better match than the “traditional” older man younger woman scenario.

Give it a go and see if it works for you…

I have always dated younger men - not by choice exactly, as I have a pygmalian fantasy, but I seem to attract the younger age group…! - i don’t think it poses any problems at the outset. It really depends on the what you and he wants after that. If you’re happy and he’s happy then things develop naturally, age is irrelevant.

Why are you pondering it at all? Just go on a date and see how it works out.

While it’s nice to encourage Erhu to action, I think she also wants to know what she can expect before agreeing to a date. Maybe she will open a door she wished she hadn’t. Maybe thinking first before diving in will save her future grief.

IMHO, I think it’s fine for an older woman to date a younger man if there are no illusions, or false hopes, or expectations about the nature of the relationship. To be sure, this should be the case for any relationship, but should be emphasized more here.

What I’m talking about is the general fear that the younger man will eventually look for another young woman. That said, this is not a certainty, and I would presume there are many relationships of this kind that endure. However, insecurities and fear of this possibility would bring grief. The persons, being of different age, are in different phases of their lives and may have different expectations. What if the older woman is looking for a long-term relationship, and even marriage/children, etc, but never communicates that fact to the man. What if the man is open to that possibility, but gets scared away by the other’s insecurities. Honesty about one’s expectations to oneself and the partner will do wonders for a relationship.

On the bright side, if both partners are on the same page, and there’s no reason why that can’t be the case, then there’s no reason not to date this person, be he young or old (but don’t rob the cradle or raid the retirement home. :wink: ). Communication is the key! (cue LedZep communication breakdown for maximum satisfaction)

but if it’s just about great sex, then go for it. and bring some viagra for the 4th round.

or so I hear.

My fiance and I fall right in your criteria, as I’m 24 and she’s 30. We’ve been dating over 3 years and planning to get married, so I’d say long term can work out. I guess she’d know better than I about what I “have to offer,” but in general our relationship is generally pretty normal, though of course there are a few quirks. Having said that, though, when we decided to “get serious,” we each had some concerns about the age gap and whether we were really at the same stage of life. One thing that helped was that she was finishing grad school at about the same time as I was finishing undergrad, so we were both kind of entering a new phase. I guess ultimately you have to be frank with each other about where you’re at and what you want out of a relationship.

Maybe the 23 year-old is more fun than the 33 year-old: more active and into hiking, biking, whitewater rafting, scuba diving, dancing, partying, impulsive activities and having a good time, whereas the 33 year-old is a boring, tired old fart, who goes to his job, tries to act important and impressive, and talks on his cell phone when you’re eating in a nice restaurant on a date. But maybe the latter is what you’d prefer – I don’t know you – maybe the energy and impulsiveness of the younger guy would be too much for you.

Of course, some of us older guys have plenty of energy too. It’s a silly question – what matters is the personality, likes and dislikes, compatibilty, chemistry, etc., not the age.

Big question in Taiwan: has he finished his military service? I think that’s a big determiner of the level of maturity in a Taiwanese male. Not saying it’s the only one or that it’s a guarantee, but generally I’ve seen a big difference in the relationship-reliability of the ones who’ve finished their service and those who haven’t.

The critical issue in a long-term relationship is each person’s level of maturity and personal knowledge/awareness. In my experience, whereas older people tend to have a deeper knowledge of who they are and what they want from life, as well as fewer hang ups, this isn’t always the case. Some 30 year old women have the personal knowledge and maturity of a teenager. And, some teenagers have the personal knowledge of a 40 year old. It’s all about that spark within the person and whether they’re smart enough to realize that in this short life, the hardest person to get to know is yourself.

If you find a boy toy that’s just a boy toy, then, well, he’s just a boy toy, and what do you expect?

Someone’s age is an indication of the number of times they’ve circled the sun, and needn’t be equated with anything else. That’s not to say relationships with large age gaps are going to be problem free, especially if there are issues of having children involved. But, then again, what relationship is problem free?

Usually, they are at a different stage in life. Not many 23 year olds I know are that mature. They just didn’t have the time to experience things yet, go out and work, travel. They’ve just been in school, minimal responsibilities, lived with their parents and have been pretty sheltered. They don’t want a serious relationship now and they aren’t ready to settle down and have a family.
Of course, this is a generalization. I have met the occasional 23 year old that has his act together and is quite worldly.

If you asked me about a 27 year old and a 30 year old, or even 30 and 39, I would say that there isn’t much difference and you need to check out the man himself.
I’ve also met 40 year olds who just want to play, with as minimal responsibilities as possible.

Look at yourself first. Ask yourself what you are looking for. Age is secondary.

Age sometimes really is irrelevent when it comes to dating. I am great friends with a 20 year old guy, and I’m 33. What keeps our friendship going are the commonalities and shared intrests. This is just an important asset in any relationship.

Now, having a younger mate can have it’s advantages. I suspect that if I had a younger lover, he would keep me young at heart and not meantion satisfied :wink: . LOL. I have noticed that younger men tend not to get caught up in the role playing that occurs in relationships. They 'get out ’ of their woman’s way and allow her to be, in fact seem to like the fact she isn’t something that girls his age possess.

So love knows no age really. Its just a matter of to kindred souls hooking up to manifest love.

I don’t think one can generalize on whether age is a factor in the success of a relationship.

I’m 3 years younger than my girlfriend and things are great between us (almost 2 years!). It actually feels as though she’s younger than me, and that’s not saying that she’s childish.

Erhu, my advice would be to go on a date and treat it as any other, with no pre-conceived ideas due to age. There are many things that affect relationships, but I don’t think age is a big one (caution: generalization). It would be more about chemistry, common interests, expectations, etc…

Hope it helps and good luck!


Is the guy in question Taiwanese? I have a few Taiwanese female friends in their 30’s, and they avoid younger guys like the plague. They think the older women - younger men combination is a taboo in Taiwan, and people here make very quick judgements about this kind of relationship. Recently some of these friends of mine have fell for younger men, but stubbornly refuse to pursue an actual relationship with them.

I know Taiwanese guys don’t mind dating older women, since it’s usually the women who get the criticism. So if you don’t mind being judged, go for it! Age doesn’t matter as long as there’s chemistry, IMO.


Don’t forget… you promised the :thumbsdown: :thumbsup: before the :howyoudoin: :hubba: :heart: thinggy.


Are you saying we should tax…thingy?

(Bonus point to whoever gets that one. :sunglasses: )

[quote=“Yellow Cartman”]Erhu,

Don’t forget… you promised the :thumbsdown: :thumbsup: before the :howyoudoin: :hubba: :heart: thinggy.


You’re right, YC! All of my dates need to be screened by you first. I didn’t forget. But hey, I did say “hypothetically speaking”. I don’t know why everyone is jumping to conclusions already! :whistle:

From my one experience observing these types of relationships, the guy in question is usually pretty ambitious, because he is competing in an age group that is significantly more established than him.

I knew a couple that started out when they were 19 and 24, got married, had kids, etc. But the guy was considered pretty responsible and not some flake.

On a superficial level I guess one could ask the question does the 22 years old male and 30 years old female look good together. Do they look their age? Or does the male look more mature for his age and the female look younger for her age, thus nullifying the age difference question in public.

Is there a concern of the younger males earning potential to sustain the older female

Quite frankly I think most women would be flattered to be pursued by a younger man!

Younger man can be mature as well, it all depends on that person, you should be able to tell, if not… well I guess experience will teach you (whether through the good way or bad way)… I personally don’t mind dating someone older than me if there is the attraction (not like 10 years older, probably ±5 would be max, but that’s just me talking now in front of computer, god knows what happens when love strike you).