I’m new to the forum and was wondering if I could get some advice. I’m from Australia…half thai in origin and have started to date a lovely Taiwanese girl. She is 31 and is studying English here. I’m very attracted to her and we click really well. This May she is going back to Taiwan and I hope she can either come back to Australia or I could pursue my dream of teaching English abroad…hopefully in Taiwan.
I was wanting some advice on do’s and don’t s so I don’t make any cultural mistakes. I was also wondering if a Taiwanese girl will expect marriage if she is going steady with you.
dos and donts ? Well treat her like a human being. Shes not really that different ! TAiwan is quite modern you know? Shes been exposed to a lot of western things that you are exposed to.
Some small things. Dont give her an umbrella as a gift, its means you will split apart. AS the chinese word for umbrella is close to the chinese word for splitting apart.
Dont give her hankerchiefs as a present as "it will bring tears to your relationship " (either that or you will blow your nose a lot? )
Dont give her shoes as a present because that will make her run away from you (its not true but if u do ask her for a small token payment).
Dont give her white flowers, as those are used in funerals. White signifies purity AND DEATH.
But really shes not some alien ya know?
Chances are she will respond “just like a real girl” similar to ozzie girls given the same situ.
But yes, shes 31, shes going to be at least interested that a relationship heads somewhere.
Browse the Dating and Relationships forum…there is a heck of a lot on there and many people have asked the same type of question that you have posted.
There are a lot of cultural differences and her mindset will be very, very different from yours most likely, so it’s good to educate and prepare yourself (especially if you’re considering a future move to Taiwan).
I’m a American Born Taiwanese from Jersey and I have been with my Taiwanese girlfriend for over a year now. To get some quick facts out of the way, I’m younger than her by 5 years and she’s also nearing her “sell by” date and did and still doing long distance with her. Before it was Jersey, now I’m in China, she’s been in Taiwan this whole time.
Getting into the relationship we actually talked about our age and how at her age, family members would always be nagging her about getting married. Luckily, no pressure was given to me on her side. However, I know in the not too distant future, the topic is going to come up again.
Anyways, here’s some things I learned doing long distance with her as well as the time I’ve physically been with her.
-Let her decide when she wants you to meet her parents.
In the states, I was always pretty chill about gf’s meeting my parents and me meeting my gf’s parents. However, in Taiwan (and I think Asian culture) it’s quite different. My parents met my girlfriend, but I have yet to meet her parents. I feel like when the guy meets the girl’s parents, they judge you like crazy and will think this is the guy she’s going to marry, he better be perfect and make lots of $$ to support my girl. If he’s not, parents may disapprove.
-Let her make the decision
Whether it’s, where you’re going to go for dinner, or if you can’t decide what shirt to wear, let her decide. I think this may be for all women across the world, but I have come to realize that if I make a decision, even though she says yes to your decision, you’re going to pay for it later. This has happened to me countless times where I decide on something and she just plays along like nothing is wrong, but later when we get home she brings it up and makes me feel horrible for making her suffer through my decision.
That’s all I can think of at the moment, but good luck! Hope this helps and everything works out for you! Taiwanese girls are the best!
You let her make all of the decisions from where you’re going to what you wear and if you make the decision yourself, she makes you pay for it later? This sounds really miserable, as if you are letting her take away all of your independence.
She is 5 years older so she can decide what he should wear.
My ex-GF used to dictate what I should wear but I just said NO, I kept my crocs instead of her, I am actually happy with my decision. It saved lots of $$$ for me. She wanted to give me a total makeover (that I was going to pay, not her) because I wasn’t fashionable like the local guys, I didn’t even own a purple/pink, magenta shirt. I’m the typical foreigner lad who wears T-shirt, jeans, crocs or sneakers and feel good to go.
From a cultural point of view, does the man pay by default when we eat out…or is it shared?
I have had about 30+ meals/5+ movies with her and she has never attempted to pay…is this s cultural thing?, if it is, I can except it.
I paid for her best friends meal the other night…all three of us in fact, and the friend did not even say thank you. Actually when we met up with the friend she did not even say hello to me…the two of them just stated speaking in mandarin and I was totally left out of the conversation for basically the entire meal. Yet I still paid for the meal for everyone with no thanks from them both what’s so ever, as if it was my duty…
Its pretty common in Taiwan for ladies not to have to pay. And if your girlfriend invites her female friend or sister you will be expected to pay as well.
When one of my male friends and i decide to hang out and only one of us brings a lady the two guys still split the entire bill.
Taiwanese females normally are not expected to pay and most do not.
However, more “modern” Taiwanese ladies are starting to pay their share, especially if they are western educated.
It may seem odd about the situ you described and thats because you probably dont speak mandarin as well as you could perhaps? It was a bit rude of them not to include you in conversation but then you are giving your GF “face” and thats very important.
pay up and shut up is pretty much what guys do in Taiwan ! And smile while doing it . Otherwise you will be seen as “cheap” .
According to my classmates (local guy with GFs) the girls rarely pay anything here in Taiwan. For them is a matter of face, the boyfriend paying for her and her friends meals makes her look good. Another thing is the cultural thing, a man who has been paying all her meals, outings, her and her friends bills, wasting time with her is not likely to up and go. Since the man has invested a lot of money and time, he must be serious about the relationship. Some women treat their BFs bad and see if they will stick around, so they also don’t say thank you. They have the cat mentality: if you pay my bils, food, movie, outings, I must be a goddess, and goddesses never say thank you, you should be oh so grateful that she is with you instead of being with other guys. In the western countries women give as much as they receive, split bills, try to act like a man, but many get dumped anyway.
Personally this doesn’t bother me much. It’s nice if she offers to pay the bill now and then, but I’m fine with picking up the tab most of the time. The problem with a lot of girls is that they treat the BF like an ATM machine, and expect him to pay for literally everything. This also means most women are absolutely shite at managing money, but (if you have the misfortune to get married) think they should run, or at least have a big say in, the household finances. My ball’n’chain has got a million times worse since we got married - one thing that pisses me off no end is when she wants to buy a drink or something and just holds out her hand, expecting me to deposit the appropriate number of coins in it. She earns good money in a white-collar job, but what happens to her salary is a mystery to me. Probably to her, too.
LIke everything else about your relationship , your individual mileage may vary.
My last three gfs (all of em taiwanese):
last one , western educated, did not offer to pay but did offer to take me to dinner a few times and paid for one show at las vegas while i paid for the other and took me to a cirque du soleil show and a play. But 90 pct of all expenses together were borne by me.
prior to that one. I paid for everything. And when i ran out of money she LENT me money to continue to pay for everything !! N>I>C>E> ! And yes, i paid her back.
one prior . I paid for everything in our long relationship. But she was nice in that i dont think she ever invited anyone else out with us other then her younger and cuter sister (who i adored anyway…a bit too much).
all the taiwanese gfs before them? Same , i paid the moolah ! They rarely even offered.
But i didnt think that was bad. I was the MAN in the relationship and they played their role well too as the beautiful and very lady like GF. They took the time to dress up and look their best all the times we went out. Looked absolutely fabulous and were great companions. What more can one do with ones money anyway ?
Yes, this kind of behaviour is normal. and it’s obviously going to happen a lot more often should you move to Taiwan for this girl !
And as for your dream of teaching English abroad, I suggest that you have a good read through the Teaching English in Taiwan forum here to find out exactly what that entails in Taiwan …
