I made Part 1 of this thread on dating the single mom couple of months back while I was in Taiwan but that time it didn’t work out because she wasn’t ready for a relationship.
Ever since I came back to the U.S., we kept in touch and within about a month we started to click again. She opened up to me emotionally way more now and even let me meet with her kid through video chat.
Even though we face communication barriers,(she doesn’t know English and my mandarin is very basic) we are really connected and most of the time talk about marriage, future plans, etc. via video chat. The only red flag so far would be that I thought of her being aloof since I am the one who almost always initiates the calls.
Being that long distance enough of a challenge, We both want to be in a committed relationship together so I am contemplating on whether returning to taiwan in a couple months to spend time face to face with her and develop a bond with her kid would be realistically a good idea or not.
Yeah, and the reason is often because of advice like this.
Single mothers need love too. The OP should definitely go in with his eyes open, but there’s no reason not to give it a try if he feels like there’s something there.
monkey yuan’s advice is frankly BS. Give her and her kid a chance. My mom was a single mom with a kid once. And then my dad married her and had me. So yeah, I’m pro dating single moms. They’re cool in my book. Just be a damn good surrogate dad to that kid, even if he’s not yours.
Why bother when there are plenty of childless women around?
Look if you want to spend your time taking care of another mans children that’s your business, but don’t try and pretend that’s same kind of healthy or normal life choice.
By the same token, if the OP has a connection with this woman, why rule her out just because she’s a single mother?
This may not be a choice you (or I, who have no plans to procreate at all) would make, but that doesn’t make it any less valid a choice for someone so inclined. And saying it’s not a healthy or normal life choice seems a little harsh. On the contrary, if the relationship works out, it may give the woman’s kid a better chance at a healthy and normal life.
How awfully judgemental. “Not a healthy or normal life choice”… that’s the kind of slogan people used to marginalize gay people 30 or 40 years ago. If he loves her then that shouldn’t matter. And maybe he likes the kid too. People do adopt kids too. Are they also mentally “unhealthy”?
I provided advice as well as some personal experiences that might be helpful and was completely ignored. As I would prefer to keep personal information away from my profile mods feel free delete this post since I can’t.
First to knock this off guy, I am far from needy since I am quite busy myself so I give her plentiful of space. Second, compared to the all my ex girlfriends, yes she is very aloof but I came to an understanding that she’s very career focused in addition to the responsibility of raising her own son.
I am 42 and wtf are does disabilities have any connections to this scenario? I dated plentiful of single women before I met her and yes I prefer to date single childless women but its’ not always about circumstance and more of the personality and compatibility.
Well “guy” you asked for free relationship advice and you’re getting it, so you could show some gratitude. I’m asking what your situation is; if you’re 55 or have health problems then it makes sense, especially since the situation is so dire for average men in the US.
You’re 42, so you’re still in your prime and there are a lot of 30ish Taiwanese women to choose from who don’t have kids, but if you feel she has the right personality then it’s fine. If this one is too busy, though, there are a million others here who are single and needy, she must know that. If someone wants you they will make time for you. She probably realizes you guys are far from a sure thing right now too, so I wouldn’t get oneitis too bad with this one. Keep your options open and see if she starts to make more of an effort.
My only concern would be the language barrier. Both of you guys will need to work on learning each other’s language because communication is key in any relationship.
That too, there’s a lot of 30-something TW women who speak English very well. It just seems like there are much better options out there, but love isn’t always so logical.
I would be concerned about the language barrier too. IS there sufficient communication ability? If there is six out of ten there may be a chance to make that ten out of ten one day. But if your communication is very basic (like sexual rather then mental) then its not fair to the kid for you two adults to romp around and mess with the child’s life.
The good thing about rules about love is that there isn’t one that fits every situation.
Love can indeed be blind . And people can over come all sorts of obstacles if there is the strong desire to make it work.
You have to ask yourself that. Do you have the strong desire to make this work and does she?
You know what the children of single mothers don’t need? A series of strange men living in the house they’re growing up in.
Stepfathers are much more likely to murder their stepchildren than a biological father is. We don’t live in a post-biology world, as much as people would like to pretend that’s the case.
The evidence all points towards traditional families being best for children.
Western society has an obsession with normalising all sorts of things which are clearly neither normal nor desirable. I think it’s a result of certain 20th century ideologies being disproportionately influential in our education systems. Biological denial.
Your adoption thing is a laughable red-herring. Fertile, healthy couples overwhelming prefer to beget children and not adopt them. The social dynamics are also completely different.
Are you capable of constructing a coherent argument? I mean you just attempted a single sentence just then - and it really didn’t go very well for you.
Here’s a challenge - try a 5 word sentence fragment that makes at least one point.
