I can’t stand Jolin Tsai (蔡依林). I think she’s got less talent than a worn sneaker with the tongue ripped out. She can’t sing or dance for shit, everything about her exudes fake, her lyrics and music are unimaginative and uninspired, and her lazy eye freaks me out. And yet for the last couple of nights I’ve had this recurring dream about eating her out.
Does that mean I really like her?
My brother-in-law used to be her producer.
I fancy the shorted haired one in S.H.E
You been craving yogurt?
[quote=“Big Fluffy Matthew”]My brother-in-law used to be her producer.
I fancy the shorted haired one in S.H.E[/quote]
Please don’t ever introduce us. I’d be terrified that she’d look into my eyes with her one good eye and recognize me from her dreams. As for the short haired one in S.H.E., imagine loathing her and dreaming every night about going down on her.
No, I get it plenty.
Actually, in last night’s dream I flipped her over. She momentarily whined in mock protest, but when I really dug in and got to work she threw her head back and started moaning uncontrollably. I also noticed she had a tattoo on her lower back.
I can’t stand her, really.
Is her moaning as off pitch as her singing?
Her moaning is far more melodic. And she absolutely loves oral sex. Adores it, actually. In my dreams.
Two nights ago, I dreamt I was riding my bike outside at night and she rode up next to me on hers. She said something like “I thought that was you,” and then motioned that she was pulling over. We sat on a wall on the side of the road, and she starts looking at me all suggestive while edging her legs apart. She’s wearing a skirt (pink) now with nothing underneath. Next thing I know I’m pleasuring her - again. And she’s half reclining with one hand on the wall and the other on the back of my head and moaning like crazy.
I can’t fucking stand this woman.
Three nights ago it was me giving her head in a hotel room. And I hadn’t paid for the room, so some guy kept knocking on the door saying we had to leave, but she kept moaning for me not to stop.
She makes my skin crawl, really.
Oh, you’re cracking me up! Thanks for the detail.
The other day I (a man loving woman) had a dream I was giving head to Helen Hunt. So go figure. I do think she’s attractive enough, for another woman and all, and she’s an alright actress. But I woke up shivering thinking what the hell is wrong with my brain that it couldn’t have conjured Jonny Depp?! So, at least it’s a woman. You could be dreaming of blowing Wu Bai!
smell the glove, I’ll trade you dreams in a heartbeat. I’ve had a semi re-occurring one (nightmare actually) with Annette Lu pleasuring me. When she’s done, she’s left makeup smears on my nether-region, and I smell like cheap nightmarket perfume.
Thanks for that, housecat and Mer. I don’t feel so bad now.
And I got a reprieve last night. Instead of servicing Jolin, I dreamt about someone giving me a vest that had pockets filled with camping equipment.
[quote=“smell the glove”]Thanks for that, housecat and Mer. I don’t feel so bad now.
And I got a reprieve last night. Instead of servicing Jolin, I dreamt about someone giving me a vest that had pockets filled with camping equipment.[/quote]
I’d be very happy to service Jolin in the aforementioned manner! Who cares if she can’t sing?
But I didn’t tell you how all this started. Several nights ago I dreamt I was eating out some girl in my college dorm room. I’ve been down there for quite some time, and my mind is wandering and she seems to be losing interest – she’s grabbing at my shoulders, trying to pull me up. I suddenly think of that Sam Kinison bit about licking the alphabet as opposed to “painting the fence,” and I decide to try Chinese characters. I start with my name, then start doing every character I can think of and then I get more frantic and so does she and her legs are shaking like mad and I look up and it’s Jolin. She’s got nothing on below the waist but she’s wearing a pink pastel top with a blue star and some goofy English word like “Wild.” I realize she’s an exchange student or grew up there or something.
That was the first of the four dreams. After that it was totally natural - she couldn’t get enough and I was no longer practicing calligraphy.
What the fuck?
I hate her, I hate her, I really do.
[quote=“Big Fluffy Matthew”]My brother-in-law used to be her producer.
I fancy the shorted haired one in S.H.E[/quote]
It has been rumoured that she is actually a guy.
At least they can carry a tune.
[quote=“Whole Lotta Lotta”][quote=“Big Fluffy Matthew”]My brother-in-law used to be her producer.
I fancy the shorted haired one in S.H.E[/quote]
It has been rumoured that she is actually a guy.
At least they can carry a tune.[/quote]
That said I will say there is something about them. They are not particularly pretty, but they are photogenic. Whenever I see a picture of them I feel compelled to look at it.
As for Jolin she can’t sing but damn her plastic surgeon did a nice job. 
I did end up having one more dream, but nothing so far this week. It was weird as hell – five recurring dreams about tonguing Jolin into a frenzy. In the fifth one we were in a hotel in France and she was singing to me – and her voice wasn’t half bad.
Holy crap! How did I miss this thread? It’s GREAT!!!
Looks like you’re not alone.
theonion.com/content/node/32966
Recurring dream that Zhang Ziyi kicks dreamer in the face.
Did Jolin say “da da da da da… i’m lovin’ it!”
[quote=“Jack Burton”]Looks like you’re not alone.
theonion.com/content/node/32966
Recurring dream that Zhang Ziyi kicks dreamer in the face.[/quote]
I looked at that and it says the guy also “fantasizes.” The kicker is that I can’t stand Jolin. How can you fantasize about someone you have no interest in? That’s why I appreciate housecat and mer’s posts – others having oral sex dreams about people they don’t find particularly attractive. You know, it would be one thing if I was giving lip service to Jessica Alba. But Jolin??? And several times in the space of a week? It’s like I’m possessed or something. And it’s not even a wet dream. For me anyway.
Haha, no. She’s not some big star or anything. Sometimes she’s a college student and no one around knows who she is (sometimes she even seems conflicted about that – loves the peace, hates not being recognized). But none of that matters much since all banter is quickly reduced to my tongue and her parted legs. But the last dream did kind of feature singing. I didn’t post about the fifth dream right after it happened because I figured enough was enough and the whole thing was pretty sordid and so goddamn weird. I started wondering if something was seriously wrong with me. This whole thing definitely makes my top ten strange experiences in Taiwan. I’ve been talking about the dreams with my friends, a few of whom are already sick to death of the subject and my descriptions.
Anyway, in the fifth dream, Jolin and I are in a hotel room in France. At least I think it’s France because it reminds me of the inside of a place I once stayed in St. Emilion. Her English is perfect and we’re chatting. I’m sitting and she’s standing and she starts looking all seductive and undoes my belt. I know what she wants to do, but instead I move her hands away. I lift her skirt (the same pink one from the bicycle dream), slide her panties down, and go to town. I have an absolutely perfect mental image of this – I could describe everything like it was in a photo. Anyway, she starts tussling my hair and I hear her whisper in my ear, “I want to sing to you.” It turns out she has this amazingly beautiful singing voice (in my dream). As I get more and more into it, she sings louder and louder and then she starts screaming and for a moment I’m thinking the whole hotel is going to hear but then I remember no one else is there and we have the whole place to ourselves so I eat with reckless abandon. I look up for a moment and her head is turned slightly to the left and hey eyes are closed. Her legs are up over my shoulders.
I wake up and, no, my pillow is not covered with slobber.
I have tried every way imaginable to rationalize this. All I can think of is that in spite of my firm beliefs to the contrary, maybe I really do like Jolin.
You dream about the pre AND post knife Jolin!
Wow, this is deep.
Question: Are her boobies nicer before or after the op?
I suggest hypnosis.
[quote=“superking”]You dream about the pre AND post knife Jolin!
Wow, this is deep.
Question: Are her boobies nicer before or after the op?
I suggest hypnosis.[/quote]
I have not in the course of any of these dreams once seen her breasts. I am intimately acquainted only with her nether regions.