The question asked by the OP is taken from a joke in Episode Two of police squad. It’s a question Barbara Walters asks Audrey Hepburn.
Today, I am a Barbara Walters tree: And in an ultimate fit of sollipsism: I ask: "If you could be a tree, any tree, what kind would you be and why?
Today, I am a hipster on a rocky slope tree. Look at me!!! Whee!!!
Today, I am a fir tree… as in fir f****'s sake, shut the f*** up…
Today, I am a fight tree… I am going to fight with the tree that is me!
Today, I am an “ohmygodicannotbelievethatihavenotpostedonthisthreadfortwomonths” tree.
Today I am a lost tree lost lost lost lost lost
I am a tea tree.
Well then I am a coffee tree that is lost lost lost lost lost
Did you go somewhere? Because … you’re a tree. Don’t take root, man.
I did go somewhere and am still there but I have to take issue with you being the fly in my ointment tree… why must your very existence be one of nonstop efforts to spite me, why why WHY???
Why are there trees who want to be the possibility of having someone like me be them?
Pft. Dunno.
I think that I am tired of trees and would like to be a form of grass or crawling plant life today or perhaps a weed… Today, that’s it. I am going to be a dandelion. That is what I am… Yes, indeed.
I wonder whether trees cover their leaves with aluminum foil to shut out the voices of the birds or grass or whatever else it is that is trying to talk to them and “cloud” their minds. Do trees suffer from schizophrenia? I mean do trees have multiple… personalities? disorders? do they think that their bark is crawling? Do they get high?
Does the foil thing work?
It must! Why else would these trees be covering their leaves with aluminum foil? Why? I pose the question to you…
That makes no sense.
That is because you are not listening properly. Take the aluminum foil off your ears/head/hat and listen to the trees… the leaves whistling in the wind… Do you hear it? Do you understand? It is there… but you need to listen… without the aluminum foil… there… now… do you see… er… rather hear… yes… yes… .YES>>>>
I have foiled (haha) a tree and it was an epee© moment (hahahaha) get it? get it? GET IT?