Long distance relationships?


#23

I’m a little crushed right now. After talking about it, my gf pretty much said she won’t go, and it would most likely be the end of things between us. I have no idea what to do right now. It doesn’t help that my mom who’s just finished her chemo for cancer is also telling to stay.

I have a ok job lined up here…not great but like i’ve said, i’m very comfortable here with a house and really no expenses so I don’t need very much in salary here to live pretty good.


#24

Sorry about your mom, and the possible dissolution of your relationship. Hang in there.


#25

Yeah. I’m a little bit annoyed that she doesn’t know what she is doing either. If she gave me a straight answer like ok. We will stay in taiwan for the forseable future. Ok fine. I’ll stay here and try to get something going. But she said she is likely to move somewhere else like KL, Singapore, or whatever. So how am I suppose to make my decision to stay together if 6 months down the road she’s gonna move anyways and I can’t get a job to where she’s going. Let alone a job I like. Just even a job. Or work visa
And I guess we never thought about lasting long enough or at least I guess we thought we figure it out. But her being a Italian citizen and me roc and US. It’s going to be hard to live in the same place.


#26

Hang in there Andrew.

As Vincent Chase always said to E, “It’ll work out, it always does.”

It seems that you’re willing to compromise and do what it takes to be with her, but she kind of wants to go do her own thing. Seems like your paths are different, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for your relationship.

If she winds up staying in Asia, she is a “quick” plane ride away every month or two. It seems like you’re on board and ok with the idea of long distance, but…is she?


#27

My story is a bit different but I’ll chime in.

I met my wife while she was visiting friends in Cali and we hit it off. We spent 2 weeks together then she came back here. It evolved into almost nonstop messaging, calls, and Skype. After a few months I came here and married her. We wanted the same thing, made a plan, and made it work.

See, mine is different, but here’s where I can help; you both need to want the same thing. You both need plans. You both have to be open books ( to each other). She hardly seems to know what SHE wants for herself as far as where to live, go to school, etc. You have options,but seem flexible. You two really need to sit down and have a deep discussion of what you want, what she wants.

If you both want each other, and are both willing to wait, make a plan and make it work. Figure out the path, then commit! If she can’t do that, you may have to cut ties, as much as it may hurt. Hope this helps a little.


#28

@BigWhiteGuy I think your advice really helped. We talked yesterday and although she is not sure what she is doing, I just needed to hear that she 100% plans on staying with me and won’t just take off to a place that I can’t go for school if I don’t take the job in shanghai. I think that was my big question mark with her. I didn’t want to not take this job, and have her leave for school to somewhere I can’t even get a work visa after 6 months. I have a feeling there will be lots of opportunities down the road. I’m pretty competent at working and have made it so far. I feel better knowing she can respect my position not being able to go to a place she may want to at the moment and looks for a doable compromise


#29

We’ve talked about it, and knowing me, I think long distance would be difficult. I’m already pretty bad about texting back. I’m not a big texter. It’s something she put consideration in, She probably won’t be happy with how little we interact. It’s already something I’ve had to improve with her.

But to me it’s this. Shes a good looking girl, not stupid, comes from a good family with good values, is really good to me and has basically accepted my flaws after almost a year and a half, and a family that’s not controlling, very open and actually likes me. I think many people here can attest to how big of a nightmare it is with their significant other’s family and the impact of that on the relationship.

I think it’s worth keeping after I think about it.