This is a cut and paste. I think it’s from Cosmo.
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Gilbert Gottfried: Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to what he’s packing, but that still can’t save him. The parrot-voiced, pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.
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Randy Johnson: If he couldn’t throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights when he pitched to Otis Nixon?
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Roger Ebert: Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn’t fuck him.
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Dr. Phil: Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.
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Alan Colmes: Not really fair, since he’s got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!
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Chad Kroeger: It’s not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It’s also the fact that he’s in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.
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Mike Mills: You’d want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless you’re trying to get to Pete Buck.
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Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn’t on the list). But a 6’5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.
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Jay Leno: “It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way,” was what one of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.
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Don Imus: “It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way,” was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.
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Michael Jackson: What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
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Wallace Shawn: Even if you’re attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that nasally lisp?
13.? Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked.
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Richard Simmons: Words don’t do it justice.
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Jon Lovitz: Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know, he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.
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Carrot Top: Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.
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Jerry Seinfeld: This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld.
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Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point.
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Chevy Chase: He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.
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Raffi: Maybe it’s his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of any situation in which they would bed down with him.
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Ron Howard: He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he’s just plain weird-looking. Especially with a beard.
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Clint Howard: Ron’s younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard.
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Bill Gates: To quote Dana Carvey: “Gates apparently made a deal with the devil: ‘You can have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.’”
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Paul Shaffer: The bic’d look?does not work?for everyone, plus he makes all those crazy faces while he plays.
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Axl Rose: I mean . . . did you see the 2003 VMAs?
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Tim Burton: He’s got the Robert Smith hair coupled with a mighty hunch. Yet he’s dating Helena Bonham Carter.
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Edward James Olmos: Remember season one of South Park? When Kenny was a zombie, everyone assumed it was an Edward James Olmos costume. Wonder why.
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Gerard Way (from My Chemical Romance): Luckiest dude since Ringo. Or at the very least, since D12.
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Don Zimmer: The gerbil’s got a massive, ivory-white noggin’ that never did much thinking to begin with. Ask any Red Sox fan over 35.
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Tony Kornheiser: Yes, calling sportswriters unattractive is like shooting fish in a barrel. But come on, he looks like your uncle.
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Chris Kattan
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Otis Nixon
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Julian Tavarez
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Christopher Lloyd
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Willie McGee
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Pat Cummings
3 7. Scottie Pippen
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Larry David
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Michael Moore
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Al Franken: Too arrogant
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Paris Latsis: Maybe not the worst-looking guy in the world, but, well, think about who was there first.
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Rush Limbaugh: No doubt he will claim his placement on this list as a result of a media bias and not the fact that he’s just butt-ugly
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David Gest
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Garey Busey: Those teeth would give anyone nightmares.
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Nick Nolte: Busey’s oddball partner in crime, but at least he had a career once.
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Leif Garrett
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Andy Dick: It’s a trap!
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Scott Stapp
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Lyle Lovett
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Ric Ocasek: Yes, we know who his wife is. And no, we don’t care.
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Bill Wyman
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Danny DeVito
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Peter Jackson
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Drew Carey
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Newt Gingrich
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Rob Schneider
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Ed O’Neil: We love ya, Ed, but sorry. There was a reason you never waited on any really hot girls at that shoe store.
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Bill O’Reilly
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Clay Aiken: This feels like a cheap shot, but even leaving aside the rumors about his personal life, he still looks like someone’s bratty little brother.
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Joe Lieberman
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Jim Gaffigan: Pasty, goofy-looking comedians abound on this list.
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Bill Maher: . . . Especially ones with poodle hair.
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John Popper
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Dennis Miller
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John Madden: Those massive hands seem more frightening than anything. Boom!
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Robert Englund: Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about Freddy Krueger.
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Robert Patrick: Seriously, try lying in bed next to him without thinking about the T-1000
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John Ashcroft
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Joe Gannascolli
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Kevin James: His TV marriage to Leah Remini on King of Queens is less believable than anything on Lost.
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George Steinbrenner: Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
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Grady Little: Come on, we live in Boston, you knew it was coming.
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Harvey Pekar
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DJ Qualls: What’s he weigh, like, 70 pounds? How much of that is grease?
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Joey Buttafuoco
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Garry Shandling
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Meat Loaf Aday
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Joe Walsh
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Tom from Myspace: As a friend of mine said,?why does he?have to?be everyone’s friend? Isn’t that a little needy? Not hot at all.
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Art Garfunkel
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Brian Posehn
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Howie Mandel
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Barry Bonds ?砂?If what his mistress told the authors of Game of Shadows is true, then no, you don’t want any part of that
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Dick Vitale ?砂?Call it a hunch, but we have a feeling that sex with Dickie V. would be anything but “awesome, baby.”
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Richie “La Bamba” Rosenberg
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Jeff Van Gundy
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Jimmy Johnson: It’s the hair
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John Clayton: How is this ESPN’s top football guy?
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Don Vito: I suppose we were never really supposed to know what Bam Margera’s uncle looks like, but since we do, he has to be included.
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Lemmy Kilmister: Sadly, the ravages of time have not been kind to him.
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Hideki Matsui
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Jose Canseco: “Every time I have tried to help a woman, I’ve been incarcerated,” he famously said on The Surreal Life. You old charmer, you.
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Bill Parcells: Especially when you see the photos of him in shorts at training camp
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Ric Flair: To be the man ?砂?WOO! ?砂?you got to . . . do something about those man boobs!
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Ralph Nader?
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Dennis Kucinich: Something about those progressives.
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Horatio Sanz: Laughing at your own jokes is not sexy
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Dom DeLuise
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Emeril Lagasse
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Kevin Federline: Mooching hicks aren’t so hot these days.
100.Brad Pitt: He may look good, but if the rumors about his hygiene and BO issues are true, then he’s probably not worth it.
