Abusive Taiwanese in-laws

After a relaxing family trip I was driving a van full of my wife’s family. 5 kids, including my own, and four other boys. I missed something and out of nowhere my wife’s sister’s husband is beating the shit out of his 10 year old son. My sister in law did nothing but say, "Wait until you get home and beat him then.

I was so mad that I was about to pull over and scream at him. My wife begged me not to with a face I won’t soon forget. The thing is my mother-in-law was there and didn’t say a word, nor did the head of the family, my wife’s older brother…a very nice guy that I do consider my brother.

I know there is a whole procedure in handling this…if Mom doesn’t say anything, nothing can be done. Have any of you married folk had to deal with this kind of thing?

I rmember about 12 years ago, on one of our semi-annual trips to Taiwan, my youngest aunt had just gotten married (she is only 10 years older than I am) to a real sleaze bag. Considering she was in her late 20s, it was practically “arranged”.

Anyhow, my mother has 6 sisters with an average of 3 kids each, so all of us gathered at my grandmother’s house in Ilan, except my youngest aunt. She showed up about 2 hours late with a huge bruise across her face. Apparently her mother-in-law did not think it was important for her to see my mother,and wanted her to stay home and clean/cook, adn emphasized this point by smacking her repeatedly in the face with a book.

This was the first time I witnessed how the familial hierarchy in Taiwan was established, and it made me so sad that even in the 90’s, it was considered acceptable for this woman to abuse my aunt. Luckily (sorry if that sounds ugly) she (the mother-in-law) died soon thereafter, and now my aunt has more control over her life, even though she still hates her husband and won’t leave him because of the ridiculous “law” that the husband gets custody…

The current law does not automatically grant husbands child custody.

JD, my thoughts are that you were wise to take the lead from your wife. If it were me I would value my wife’s opinion in this sort of thing, much and all as it must have got your goat up to see a kid thrashed. I have no idea whether this may be true, but your intervention I suspect would not have helped the kid in the long run.

The current law does not automatically grant husbands child custody.[/quote]

True - which is why I put the word “law” in quotations. I have one uncle, and two cousins (both male) who have been divorced in Taiwan. All three are, in my opinion, very unfit fathers. All three have custody of their children, whom are currently living with other family members, but they refuse to allow the ex-wife custody (who may or may not be a better parent) and no court has reversed the decision yet. Sorry, I did not mean to misrepresent my statement.

I hear often that women don’t bother contesting the husband’s decision to look after the kids (ie farm them out to his relatives).

I assumed this was because they have no chance of being awarded custody. Is that not correct?

Do we know what happened in the case of Qiu xiao mei?