I recently joined a group composed of all Taiwanese young professionals in the States. I’m within their age group and have studied some Chinese in the past, so thought I’d give it a try.
The first impression was they were kind and well-mannered people - which, I was told by some members of the group, was a truism. Fair enough, I believed it, since the group really seemed welcoming. But then I started noticing that one guy kept being tardy to events - which wasn’t a big deal for things like ball games, but one time, when we went to see a movie, he was 15min late and we had to stand and wait for him at the entrance so we could all enter. He just mumbled sorry (不好意思) and went in like nothing happened - and the Taiwanese guy who kept texting him asking where he was didn’t seem to bat an eye. I’d like to think Westerners would be apologizing more for keeping others waiting, or say something like “you guys go ahead first, send me the tickets digitally, I’ll find you in the movie theater” instead of dropping a half-hearted sorry to the group. On the flip side, when we play ball, the lightest touch will be followed by the game being stopped and “I’m sorry! Are you okay?” addressed, especially to me. When I told them not to be too polite, physical contact is part of the game, the offender sounded like they couldn’t believe it. So it seems that in some instances, Taiwanese are too polite, but in others, they are not polite enough according to my understanding of politeness.
Then there’s emotional distance. While on the surface Taiwanese seem friendly and someone you could easily get to know better, they still prefer to keep their distance, which makes for somewhat shallow friendships. On the whole, they seem to veer away from any introspective conversations, preferring to keep the mood light. They’d rather talk about their car shopping experience, or what’s in the news, rather than what traits you’d look for in your ideal mate, or any topic that would reveal something about one’s values, preferences, thoughts, etc. (that conversation was very awkward by the way). So I find that Taiwanese are not particularly open and introspective, and find myself indulging in more dry or superficial subjects to tickle their fancy.
Finally, there’s conflict avoidance. Westerners prefer to talk it out, have their verbal intercourse and make peace. Communication and conflict resolution are valued in western culture. In Taiwanese culture, apparently not so much. I was trying to discuss an offending behavior with someone from the group, but instead of humbly listening and acknowledging what I was saying, or trying to understand my point of view, the person simply ignored me. And now I can feel that person is avoiding me and referring to me in third person in front of me with others. Even in ball games that person doesn’t want to be on my team, and the others don’t really care or don’t want to get involved and investigate what’s going on. I guess it will remain an open conflict until that person eventually leaves the group, because talking to them directly won’t solve anything (I tried).
So I’ve learned to maintain cool nerves and be patient with these guys, stay humble and kind, but every now and then I still think to myself, why am I taking the road less traveled, and can I ever really be close friends with them?
, why is the OP wasting his time