Are you a "normal" person in your home country?

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
21

For people who truly are outside of the norm, this will be true wherever they go and if you need to ask the question “am I normal” the answer is almost certainly yes.

Many many years ago I had a close friend who was unable to hide his personality from society, despite me urging him on many occasion to understand what norms are expected and adapt his behavior, which unfortunately he viewed as a cop out and a form of dishonesty. Consequently he spent several years in a mental institution where I think he was described as psychopathic schizophrenic.

A label to be sure, and he seemed more destructive to himself than anyone around him, also had an incredible insight and intelligence that was off the chart. A perception that not many would appreciate, in fact more often than not, quite the opposite.

So, for people that have lived in another culture for an extended period of time and have blended in, made friends and adapted to a new culture (as opposed to those foreigners who despite living in another culture surround themselves with friends and things from their own culture). On going back to their own country, can often get a sort of culture shock in reverse.

Quite likely there has been some shifting in perception, and its a perception that is not shared by the majority that make up what constitutes the norm. We’re not talking about such massive shifts in perception and behavior as was the case for my poor friend who society felt required to removed from their presence. But it is deserving of being somewhat mindful.

22

Were you in AR?

23

Well I was dancing at a night club one Friday night
And that night club bar was a little uptight
Yeah, I was dancing all alone a little self conscious
When some kids came up and said, “for dancing come with us.”
And soon…

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.
I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well I was dancing in the lesbian bar
In the industrial zone.
I was dancing with my friends
And dancing alone.
Well the first bar things were alright
But in this bar, things were Friday night.
In the first bar things were just alright.
This bar things were Friday night.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.
I was dancing in a lesbian bar.

Well I was dancing in the lesbian bar
Way downtown
I was there to check the scene
And hang around
Well the first bar things were stop and stare
But in this bar things were laissez faire
In the first bar things were stop and stare
In this bar things were laissez faire.

I was dancing in a lesbian bar.
I was dancing in a lesbian bar

24

I thought you had to rope a goat in OK to get a driver’s license? And if you can’t ride a horse, how the hell did you ever get out of there?

25

I have felt a teat before.

26

I’m leaving in the morning. I should be there by this time tomorrow, so I can better judge my normality.

27

Bon Voyage, Amigo. Via con Dios.

28

jackalope - could I start by stating the obvious? Of course culture is relative. Culture is a pretty big concept but if you are using it to refer to the collective shared values, ideas, beliefs, etc., etc., of a particular group, then of course it’s gonna differ from group to group. A few years of studies in the humanities or even a few years of studying humanity does a nice job of teaching one that there are many ways of doing or seeing things, freeing you up to do things differently from the way mom or pop did them.

I don’t feel particularly odd in South Africa or in Taiwan or anywhere else for that matter. Might be because feeling the need to pledge allegiance to any specific culture was never that important to me. And if I have to point any fingers, I’d have to say that most of my acquaintances and colleagues - of all nationalities - are odd, in terms of unsubstantiated beliefs at least. They’re not odd to each other, just to me. But none of them seems particularly odder than the next. And I’m fond of them all, although I am more fond of the closer expatriate and Taiwanese friends I have. I suspect I have made the particular bonds I have because I appreciate those who do question cultural norms more than the others.

Everyone has to find the place most comfortable for them, or - more importantly - has to find the people who will bring the best out of them.

I do hear your question though.

I have often felt that the expatriate community is an odd mix – some people who did run away from oppression, their own mess-ups or boredom; others starved for opportunities in their own countries; others who were truly adventurous; and still others who thought “What the hell, let’s try it for a year”, but then fell in love with either the country or something else here. So the expat community, for me, has the best and the worst of the rest of the world. But that’s not really saying anything, is it? There are amazing people and absolute bores, sinners and saints, in pretty much any community – and in the Taiwanese community itself.

I wanted to end this post with a particularly profound quote with the word normal in it, but, at first, all I could find was this quote from Carrie Fisher:

Nice, but not what I was going for. Fortunately, further searching led to this equally profound one from Jodie Foster:

I’m with Jodie here, but I think she’s talking about [color=#4000FF]REALLY[/color] escaping normal, and her escape isn’t referring to the mundane everyday feeling that people have when they sense they are somehow different from others. Is there anybody on this site who does feel normal? I thought we all kind of egocentrically believed we were significantly different from our boring companions.

Gonna go now, to look for something really obscure to dance with in a really obscure place.

29

No. I’m not normal for the US. After being back for six years, I still find myself saying, “In Taiwan, this isn’t that way” and thinking the Taiwan way makes more sense (in many cases). I try not to say this out loud every time it crosses my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I can see many downsides and problems with Taiwan. It just seems more “normal” to me, and I can read situations there more easily than here.

30

But would you be normal if you could milk the bull.

31

I didn’t play hockey but I did wear gortex. half normal I guess.

32

If you weren’t normal by your home country standards, by the time you spend 10 years or so here you are probably going to have picked up some ‘weird’ and ‘wonderful’ views compared to the inhabitants of the country you came from. It’s all about perspective. Perspective is a very powerful force, but unfortunately it needs to be experienced individually, when you tell friends and family of better ways to do things that you may have experienced in Taiwan they usually don’t want to hear about it.

For an example, many hospitals in Taiwan have a policeman stationed in the hospital. This at first glace was a bit weird for me. But recently I’ve been thinking this is really an excellent policy, get the policeman to stay where he will be needed most (to deal with troublemakers/druggies/addicts and violent offenders). I’ve never seen this anywhere else but it makes a hell of a lot of sense! Really I applaud this…why the hell are policemen based in police stations sitting around where they are not needed?
Then there are things like charges. Nearly everything is charged in the Western world now. You can’t piss (literally) and you get charged for it. But in Taiwan almost all the scenic spots are free to view and enjoy. You don’t need a certain level of income. It’s very egalitarian. Also, parking fees for cars are reasonable not compared to other countries where they are off the scale. Taking a high speed train only costs 13 euro compared to 50 euro for the same distance trip in the UK which take 3 times longer on an old slow-coach train and is overcrowded and full of boorish drunks…I mean there really are some awesome aspects to Taiwan. I mean it probably costs 20-30 euro just to park your car at Heathrow for the day! You just get nickel and dimed to death in Western countries.

33

I did play hockey, but I’ve never been overweight or owned a pick-up truck or a hunting rifle. One quarter normal?

34

It’s going to be strange without people pointing at me and kids yelling hello. How are you? When I go to a restaurant, they won’t offer me a big plastic spoon.

35

[quote=“Dr. McCoy”]It’s going to be strange without people pointing at me and kids yelling hello. [/quote] :bravo:

36

Whatever you do dont speak to anyone under 18 , because people in the USA will think automatically you are a child molester! Americans are so phobied up about everything. So dont say hello to any kids !! Thats for sure. If they say hello to you pretend not to notice.

37

I think by definition anyone who would pick up and leave their own country for an extended period of time is not normal.

I realise that is not actually what you are asking, so to answer your actual question, take the expat areas of Hong Kong. They are all setup and run just like “back home”. Sticks out like a sore thumb. They are definitely acting “Normal” by their home country standards.

38

Isn’t that strange? Really strange? Where children are taught, no expected to be ‘normal’ and not strike up conversations or wave instinctively!! I am so glad my kids can wave at others, smile, just look somebody in the face and yell a big ‘Nihao’, and they smile back!! I love it when kids say HULLLO to me, and i tap on them affectionately on the head, much to their delight!! I love it when I make eye contact with strangers, they break into a smile, or give me a slight nod. There are days, when that is the only communication I have with real people, and I am grateful for it.

Oh and I am off topic. :blush:

39

The OP has posted a serious, soul-search kinda question that I’ve spent (wasted?) pondering, so I guess I’ll tell you what I think. I like Ironlady’s reply.

I don’t think I was ever, for one day of my life, “normal” in the States. I had a much different childhood than most, and had already moved out and was supporting myself, living alone sometimes, with roomates at other times, at seventeen. I already had a much different perspective on things, and much more responsibility, and much less family support, than most kids my age. Thus, I didn’t “fit.”

Friends back home used to give me all kinds of hell for moving away. They didn’t understand and would tell me that I just couldn’t make it at home and if I wasn’t good enough there, then how was I good enough anywhere else? Of course, these same friends went on to only speak one language, almost all of them are less educated than I am, they watch the same shit tv shows and “news” that’s not, and work the same dead end jobs day after day. The most exotic reaches of their lives are usually the “made in China” laybles on the crap they buy at wal-mart.

Then, when the American economy started to tank and they started struggling to pay their mortgages, I was the friend they looked up when they were getting desperate and they wanted to know how to do what I’d done. But the plain truth is that most of them just couldn’t make it here. They simply don’t have a wide enough world view, or any real coping skills. They lack the critical thinking skills as well, for the most part. Or at least a little imagination, or they would have understood a hell of a lot more than they did about my leaving in the first place.

I sure as hell didn’t fit in when I went back to the States five years ago. Like Ironlady, I could read situations much better here. I found that I had a very Taiwanese way of relating that simply did not work in the States. I had to re-learn body language and facial cues–really. Nothing from the most important years of my life was even remotely relatable to people who met me. And I was a single mother, but not trailor trash, not partying, I didn’t even go on a single date. (I tried once, but gave it up and it doesn’t even count, and I resisted Don Juan.)

So, for me, yes, I’m different. Yes, it’s easier to be different here than at home. Yes, I do feel like I’m more intelligent than many people I knew at home (though at times I’m frighteningly scatterbrained). And Yes, I also feel like I, and my child, have a lot more opportunities here, and those opportunities seem much better suited to us as individuals.

40

They’ll give you reading glasses.