Ok, here is the situation, I try to make it short:
Me foreigner married to tw wife. Expecting our first baby. Original idea was, that I will be at home, take care on our baby.
Due to the fact that english isn’t my first language, it’s not that easy to find a full-time job for myself. I do mostly private tutoring, thus making around 10.000 NT$ net cash. Wife is doing very well moneywise, so we don’t suffer financial-wise.
This situation is fine for my wife (but not for me as I dislike to be dependant on her), so I don’t need any advice nor “bad comments” about this situation.
I wish to find a fulltime job (not easy where I live in Taiwan), and I don’t use my situation (etc. lack of fluent chinese) as an excuse for not having a better job.
If having one, I have no problem at all to use my salary to pay off my mother-in-law, so she can quitt her currently very exhausting, not well paid job.
Giving mother-in law my current salary and wife topping the sum up, won’t unfortunately work-out …
Unfortunately I haven’t found one yet, so my wife came out with an idea, which (although having some positive things as well) is unacceptable for me.
To be precise:
A good friend of my wife is also pregnant (one month ahead), and she and her husband definately want to continue her normal work-life. Their parents are (for some not important reasons) unavailable to take care their own child, thus they are looking for a fulltime babysitter. They are worried an unknown babysitter, so my wife had the idea, that her mother could do this job. Meaning, my mother (60 years old) would get the payment from my wife’s friend.
So far so good (and in fact none of my business after all).
As my wife got unregular working times including common overtime and me mostly tutoring in the evening, it looks like we sometimes have noone to take care our baby. This truly could and will be a problem in the future. Unfortunately we don’t have anyone else family alike, who could step-in in such situations.
Therefor wife got the idea, that mother in-law take care the “customers” baby at OUR place (I live alone with my wife). Meaning 2 babies, mother in-law and myself. This would fit any maybe occuring problems, in case I have to go out for my tutoring, but the price would be a COMPLETE LOSS of (at least) my privacy.
I have a very good relationchip with my mother in-law. In fact I offered here many times to live with us together, which she is always rejecting. Again, I fully trust her and have no problem at all to give her the daytime care, IF I would make enouhg money to pay her. In such case, she would go back to her home once either my wife or me would be home.
But I seriously doubt it how this kind of situation would work:
Although none of my business, but I am asking myself, what kind of parents my wife’s friend and her husband are. Just contiueing her life like usual, give the baby to a (more or less) stranger and take it back whenever they want. Like: After work, we wanna see movie, can pick her/him up later …
2a)
Nothing against my mother in-law, but how can she take care a (foreign-to-her) baby and in the meantime watching her grandchild playing with me ?
2b)
It will be our first child. Of course we feel excited about it. I (at least) feel anxious too, as I really don’t know what challenge is waiting for me. I think it is natural and very good to have someone around you with baby-experience. But I fear, that I will be watched and controlled and beeing corrected by her. Sometimes with a reason, but I read stories in here, that in many cases the logic of education is culture-alike different in many ways …
What I am supposing to do? Playing with the other baby as well? Don’t the other baby (maybe) think, I could be his/her father, in case I have a lot of contact with her/him ?
What about legal problems, in case something may happen to the other child ?
Why on earth my mother in-law doesn’t go to either her own place (or even better the place where my wife’s friend is living) in in case of a timing-problem I just go there to “drop off” (sorry bad verb) my baby ?
I am a huge fan of babies/children groups. That young families are organizing meetings, each other at different places, for a few hours. Playing, exchanging information, this way also develope friendchips.
BUT I really get the impression our home (an appartment, not a toutian) will turn into a (long-time) kindergarden doing this way. Also I fear that my mother in-law will slighty take over the control of my child. I feel I am just used as the milk-donater and as beeing in Taiwan the things has to turn out the taiwanese way.
Based on your experience, would it be a good idea, if babies would be together already from the beginning ? Just like twins ?
And in case this information is important to you, the house in 90% paid by my wife, so it is honestly her place and therefore her right to decide what’s going on.
PLEASE HELP, LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS - thank you very much for these.
Once again, I do see here some advantages. It makes me sad, that my wife doesn’t want to respect my point, which definately mostly is the lack of privacy. This she can’t imagine, because she is out for work while we are all at home.
I tried one to talk with my wife, but it seems she has already made up her mind. Pretty difficult to let her hear my concerns, which I think are very reasonable.