Ok, my son is four years and two months old now. I’ve been trying to get him to sleep without wetting the bed, but it seems an uphill battle. I stopped putting nappies on him at bedtime about a month or two ago when I realised that most of the time the nappies weren’t even wet the next morning. But even though I have him pee before bed, don’t let him drink anything after I fetch him at granny’s house (10pm), and try to get him to pee an hour or two after I’ve put him to bed (sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t) he has still peed in bed twice in the last week or so. And not just a little oopsie. A damn dam broke and he’s covered in urine, needs a bath at 4am, I’m pissed, need to wash the sheets and the damn mattress… :fume:
I have no help and I’m at my wits end. How the hell do you get a 4 year old to stop wetting the bed? Is it too early for that? Have I left it too late?
I’m seriously considering just giving up and getting nappies for bedtime again, but I don’t really want to do that, because when will I wean him off that? When he’s 21???
we haven’t got to that stage just yet, but are considering taking my mums advice to run a tap when taking him to have a pee before we go to bed. I did know someone when I was very small (about 7) who was the same age and still had to wear nappies in bed. So some kids do go on longer than others, but they do grow out of it.
Has he been dry for a few weeks then had a couple of relapses lately, or has he been wetting the bed regularly since taking his nappies off him? If the latter, then he’s probably not ready yet, if the former, then that’s normal with this kind of thing. Children rarely completely stop things all at once. They’re only little and they’re learning! Don’t get mad or you’ll give him a complex about it. Can you get plastic undersheets over there? Sweaty, I know, but better than a stinky damp mattress.
Tbh Bismarck, some kids don’t stop wetting the bed until they’re into double figures, and those children aren’t rare. It’s just that people don’t like talking about it. I wouldn’t put his nappies back on now that he’s consistently not worn them for a while. You’d be giving him and his little bladder the signal that’s it’s okay to pee the bed. Carry on doing everything you are doing, and maybe put a potty by the bed too. Be kind, be patient and don’t react when he has an accident. He’ll get there.
I’m sure there’s means to train the lad. Still, four isn’t late for a bed wetter.
Whatever you do, don’t resort to the device that cured me in days but left me with a lifelong phobia of electricity when my parents intervened on my nightly pee parties as a seven year old!
Essentially a condom connected to a machine, with a light and alarm on it and another set of wires attached to a belt. The instant a drop of pee hit the end of the condom, strapped on each night by my mother, it would trigger the light, alarm, and deliver uncomfortable volts through the belt.
Oh Good Lord! They have even worse devices these days! That white probe is designed to be inserted up a kids bum and give them shocks to “exercise the muscles of the pelvic floor.”
I think I can help a bit with this question. Our boy stopped wetting his bed at seven years old. With that in mind, my first advice would be to arm yourself with patience and to chill. It’s normal, especially at 4, and there are things you can do to help some of which you are already doing.
It’s important to understand why your boy is wetting his bed first. You may not be able to know exactly why, but knowing what can cause this is the first step to dealing with it.
[quote]How the hell do you get a 4 year old to stop wetting the bed?[/quote]You can’t. All you can do is let time work its magic and follow some procedures.
[quote]Is it too early for that? Have I left it too late?[/quote]It’s not to early to help him, and you have not left it too late at all.
Most importantly, NEVER let him see that you are at your wits end. If he feels that you are upset, sad, discouraged or unhappy about it, it will slow down his progress because of the emotional stress he will associate with wetting his bed. The most common cause for bedwetting lies in the boy’s DNA. Essentially, the source of the “problem” comes from you, the father. I’d be willing to bet that you were probably having the same “problem” when you were little. I can’t remember the specific chromosomes, but scientists have studied this phenomenon extensively and they found that three separate chromosomes are the most common culprits. You can’t change that, but what you can and should do is reassure the boy that it’s OK, that you were the same when you were a boy (white lie is fine if it’s the case), and that he will grow out of it sooner or later. You need to make sure that he doesn’t feel alone. He needs to feel like he’s just like his dad and that is the best thing you can do to nurture positive emotions.
Other things that can cause this are slow maturation of the bladder, constipation, deep sleep, poor bladder function (not a problem at this age) and stress or emotional issues.
So what to do? First, be patient and be there for him. Limiting fluid intake before bed is important and you’ve got that covered. Monitor his bowel movements to make sure he poos at normal intervals. A full intestine can put pressure on the bladder. A small bowl of oatmeal every day can work wonders for that. Have him pee before bedtime. You’ve got that covered. You can cover the mattress with plastic. You may have to clean sheets but the mattress will stay dry. You can wake him up before you go to bed to let him pee once more as he most likely goes to bed hours before you do. Run a tap in the bathroom to help stimulate urination when you take him for his nightly pee. You can also ask him to hold his bladder during the day for 2 or 3 extra minutes. This will essentially stretch his bladder. When he wants to go pee, tell him to hold it for two minutes. Reward him with praises and hugs when he does.
If this goes on beyond the age of 5, it is recommended to have a urine sample tested to rule out potential health issues, but at 4, most doctors will simply give you advice and tell you to wait it out.
If the boy finally sleeps dry for more than one month but goes back to wetting his bed often, not just a few isolated times here and there, you need to take him to a pediatrician for examination and you also need to look for things in his life that may be a source of stress or emotional problems. Things such as mom and dad fighting loudly in his presence are a big no no, and having newborn sibling joining the family can often cause a child to start wetting his bed again. Find the source of stress and eliminate it as best as you can. Physical punishment or aggressive discipline is also a big no no as the emotional stress can be too much for the child.
You know, what you’re going through is like a rite of passage. Understanding this is the first step to make it easier for YOU, and when it’s easier for you, it’s usually easier for the boy. Asking questions and talking about it is also a good way for you to stay on the ball as a parent.
I’m going to have a look around, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’ll ask at kindy today if they know anything.
Not really sure, but more on that later…
Too late for that. Last week I raved like a lunatic and smacked him on the bottom. I felt terrible about it afterwards, but I had already done it. I tried to make it up to him over the ensuing days. Last night I was better and just berated him (I know, I know, still bad) with, “Aiyou! You promised you wouldn’t pee in the bed again…blah blah blah, now you must sleep in your own room blah blah blah, why did you pee in the bed!!!” To which the little man could only muster, “I don’t know.” I felt and still feel like a shit heel.
I will do better. I will be more understanding and patient.
Not sure about DNA, I can’t remember ever having a problem with it. Could be emotional stress.
Family may be the source, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I don’t really want to get into it on here, and not now, but, it’s just him and me. Any newborn sibling isn’t with us, as it’s not our(or mine, anyway). I’ll just leave it at that.
We have been alone now for about a year with only my MiL to help me. It’s very stressful and difficult, as half the time I don’t know WTF I’m doing…
[quote=“RobinTaiwan”]So what to do? First, be patient and be there for him. Limiting fluid intake before bed is important and you’ve got that covered. Monitor his bowel movements to make sure he poos at normal intervals. A full intestine can put pressure on the bladder. A small bowl of oatmeal every day can work wonders for that. Have him pee before bedtime. You’ve got that covered. You can cover the mattress with plastic. You may have to clean sheets but the mattress will stay dry. You can wake him up before you go to bed to let him pee once more as he most likely goes to bed hours before you do. Run a tap in the bathroom to help stimulate urination when you take him for his nightly pee. You can also ask him to hold his bladder during the day for 2 or 3 extra minutes. This will essentially stretch his bladder. When he wants to go pee, tell him to hold it for two minutes. Reward him with praises and hugs when he does.
If this goes on beyond the age of 5, it is recommended to have a urine sample tested to rule out potential health issues, but at 4, most doctors will simply give you advice and tell you to wait it out.
You know, what you’re going through is like a rite of passage. Understanding this is the first step to make it easier for YOU, and when it’s easier for you, it’s usually easier for the boy. Asking questions and talking about it is also a good way for you to stay on the ball as a parent. [/quote]
Thanks for all the above. I’ll try my best and see what works. I’ll definitely be more patient and understanding.
Thanks for all the kind advice about this issue guys.
I’m going to have a look around, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’ll ask at kindy today if they know anything.
Hola do some mattress covers by 3M which are waterproof and not plastic. My son sleeps over one and you’d never know it was on. Admittedly I haven’t tested it’s waterproofness but that’s what it says on the box.
Goodluck with all you’re going through and we all loose our rags with our little ones when it’s not their fault. It’s not fair but it is human .
I’m going to have a look around, but I haven’t found anything yet. I’ll ask at kindy today if they know anything.
Not really sure, but more on that later…
Too late for that. Last week I raved like a lunatic and smacked him on the bottom. I felt terrible about it afterwards, but I had already done it. I tried to make it up to him over the ensuing days. Last night I was better and just berated him (I know, I know, still bad) with, “Aiyou! You promised you wouldn’t pee in the bed again…blah blah blah, now you must sleep in your own room blah blah blah, why did you pee in the bed!!!” To which the little man could only muster, “I don’t know.” I felt and still feel like a shit heel.
I will do better. I will be more understanding and patient.
Not sure about DNA, I can’t remember ever having a problem with it. Could be emotional stress.
Family may be the source, but there’s nothing I can do to change it. I don’t really want to get into it on here, and not now, but, it’s just him and me. Any newborn sibling isn’t with us, as it’s not our(or mine, anyway). I’ll just leave it at that.
We have been alone now for about a year with only my MiL to help me. It’s very stressful and difficult, as half the time I don’t know WTF I’m doing…
[quote=“RobinTaiwan”]So what to do? First, be patient and be there for him. Limiting fluid intake before bed is important and you’ve got that covered. Monitor his bowel movements to make sure he poos at normal intervals. A full intestine can put pressure on the bladder. A small bowl of oatmeal every day can work wonders for that. Have him pee before bedtime. You’ve got that covered. You can cover the mattress with plastic. You may have to clean sheets but the mattress will stay dry. You can wake him up before you go to bed to let him pee once more as he most likely goes to bed hours before you do. Run a tap in the bathroom to help stimulate urination when you take him for his nightly pee. You can also ask him to hold his bladder during the day for 2 or 3 extra minutes. This will essentially stretch his bladder. When he wants to go pee, tell him to hold it for two minutes. Reward him with praises and hugs when he does.
If this goes on beyond the age of 5, it is recommended to have a urine sample tested to rule out potential health issues, but at 4, most doctors will simply give you advice and tell you to wait it out.
You know, what you’re going through is like a rite of passage. Understanding this is the first step to make it easier for YOU, and when it’s easier for you, it’s usually easier for the boy. Asking questions and talking about it is also a good way for you to stay on the ball as a parent. [/quote]
Thanks for all the above. I’ll try my best and see what works. I’ll definitely be more patient and understanding.
Thanks for all the kind advice about this issue guys.[/quote]
Oh Bismarck, he’s only little and he can’t help it. Don’t get mad at him again.
I’ve been where you are and it’s really, really hard. Concentrate on doing what you need to to make both your lives as happy and stress free as you can. When he’s older you’ll realise how incredibly precious this time is. Don’t worry, it’s only pee. I will let you into a secret - if my kids wet the bed and it wasn’t too bad, I’d just take their pyjamas off, put a towel under them and go back to sleep - even if they were in bed with me. You’re doing a hard job, cut corners where you need to and focus on the important things.
Bis, don’t know about Taiwan, but we used to buy duckbacksheets, basically rubber sheets that aren’t the least hot and don’t leak at all. I am sure in TW you’ll get superior products!
Try not to get angry and don’t punish him - he’s only four, so really most people wouldn’t even call him a bedwetter yet. Probably stress is contributing to it, though, so really try not to show you are upset. And don’t use any of those devices mentioned - they’ll cause mental problems for sure, and your son will most likely outgrow the problem soon enough without much extra help.
[quote]I felt and still feel like a shit heel.[/quote]No point beating yourself up over it. What’s done is done. If it means anything, I did the same thing. The frequency of his nightly accidents decreased as he aged but it kept happening. This actually resulted in arguments between the wife and I. She believed he was lazy and didn’t want to get up to go to the bathroom and I argued that he was just trying to get our attention. We agreed, though, that giving him negative attention would teach him to do better. We were wrong. The accidents were less frequent as he grew but they still happened. According to his doctor, he was perfectly healthy. It was quite puzzling and very frustrating. We ended up seeing a child psychologist and what we learned made us both feel like we had failed him. I remember crying like a baby coming home on the day we saw the psychologist. This doctor only asked about three questions to the boy, sent him off in a different room to play with some toys and we were the ones who were analysed that day… I’m not kidding, I’m shedding a tear writing this. These were hard times. We completely changed our methods and within six months, it was a matter of the past. This is the kind of thing they just don’t teach us in school.
At 4, your boy just isn’t old enough yet so I wouldn’t blame myself for the accidents. Give him some time and some love and wait it out. As divea mentioned, it’s quite normal at that age and not at all a problem yet.
About waterproofing the mattress, you can just go to any hardware store and buy a roll of plastic wall paper or something similar. Put that on the mattress and cover it up with a bed sheet. It’s cheap and it does the job.
One of my dogs has epilepsy and I got this waterproof sheet from Carrefour. It’s soft…also had some ‘oh crap how do you dry a matress that’s soaked in pee’ sleepless nights…dehumidifiers etc. Good luck and good luck with your stuff…must be hard.
My son is almost seven, and he is a chronic bed-wetter. Mum tells me I was, too, until about nine years old. I remember my plastic sheet; it was covered in nursery rhymes. We use the waterproof mattress protector I sell in my store (currently sold out), and I have seen others sold at Costco that looked quite good. I like the one we have because it doesn’t cover the entire bed and you can throw it in the washine machine and drier, and because it is quite soft. We’ve used it since my son was born, so I’m pretty happy with the durability.
Anyway, earlier this year I took my son to the doctor to get him checked. The doctor suggested putting him on antidepressants, which apparently is a common treatment, as they reduce the amount of fluids your body expels or something. Then, the doctor said that it is very common in boys as their bladders tend to develop more slowly than girls’ do, and if we wait a year a so it will probably settle down. We do make him go to the toilet before bed and limit his fluids somewhat (although I have read that it doesn’t make a huge difference in chronic bedwetters). I was getting up twice a night to take him to the toilet but then he pees a third time and I’d never catch it, and I was really grumpy, and I didn’t want to put my happy boy on antidepressants, so here we are, in a cloth diaper and with a mattress protector and happy knowing that not many people walk down the aisle still wearing diapers at night. In the beginning, I thought I was being a lazy mother, but the fact is, he’s just not ready and I’m not willing to put him on medication to hurry him up. Days when his diaper is dry, he’s happy, but I don’t reward it or punish the wet days, as it’s just something he can’t control when he is fast asleep.
! I’m glad the psychologist set you straight.
Well, I don’t mind admitting that I wet the bed until I was 14 years old, so I remember very well how I felt about it. The child is fast asleep when the bedwetting happens - it’s not like I woke up with a full bladder and just thought it would be easier to pee in the bed than get up and go to the bathroom. And any attention received is not attention any child would want.
I do think stress and psychological trauma played a role - living with a raving mad alcoholic who ranted and screamed for hours every night is not exactly restful.
I’ve read all your posts, and thanks for all the advice guys. I asked granny to stop giving him anything to drink after 9pm. Had him pee before bed tonight, and before I go sleep I’ll take him again. Will see how it goes. Going to buy something for the mattress tonight. I’m letting him sleep in his own room tonight and he seemed quite sad about it (the mattress is still drying out anyway), so I had to promise to sleep with him in his own bed when I go to bed later. Had to scratch his back and lie with him a while until he drifted off and reassure him I’m not angry with him or anything.
For a man who says he doesn’t know what he’s doing, Bis, it sounds to me like you’re doing awesome. A lot better than I did when I was in your shoes. You will make mistakes, and you can’t expect not to. But your heart is at the right place and your last post really hit home for me. I’m touched…
Awwww…I bet he loved that. I still lie down with my 7 year old until he goes to sleep sometimes. He’d sleep with me all the time if he could. I wouldn’t mind but he’s a terrible wriggler!
Edit: [quote=“Petrichor”]Awwww…I bet he loved that. I still lie down with my 7 year old until he goes to sleep sometimes. He’d sleep with me all the time if he could. I wouldn’t mind but he’s a terrible wriggler![/quote]
He sleeps quite peacefully, and I sleep like the dead. He complained the other day that he tried to wake me up to take him to school early, but I wouldn’t wake up.
And seeing as it’s just the two of us, I really like having him sleep with me, which is even more reason I wish I could get him to stop peeing in bed. Baby steps.
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