i really don’t know what to say - after months of looking my tw wife and me finally found an appartment we like.
Then mother in law did some famous suan-ming with the result, that my wife should not buy anything in the whole district.
We talk about Kaohsiung-City and Sanmin-District, which is the unfortunately the biggest district.
As mother in law support us financially, my wife take her advice very serious (respect) and wants to look for a different area.
This culture is still a great myth for me, but as I am married with a taiwanese and we live in Taiwan, I will not make a joke out of this, but deep inside I am really dissapointed …
I ask myself, why they did not do this suanming before, which could save us a lot of mafang.
What are your experiences and opinions about this ?
[quote=“MoTi”]i really don’t know what to say - after months of looking my tw wife and me finally found an appartment we like.
Then mother in law did some famous suan-ming with the result, that my wife should not buy anything in the whole district.
We talk about Kaohsiung-City and Sanmin-District, which is the unfortunately the biggest district.
As mother in law support us financially, my wife take her advice very serious (respect) and wants to look for a different area.
This culture is still a great myth for me, but as I am married with a taiwanese and we live in Taiwan, I will not make a joke out of this, but deep inside I am really dissapointed …
I ask myself, why they did not do this suanming before, which could save us a lot of mafang.
What are your experiences and opinions about this ?
Thank you for your comments[/quote]
In my observation over many years, “suan-ming” often serves a hidden agenda or agendas. This is not necessarily conscious or malicious on the part of the people paying for/doing the suan-ming, but it tends to be their agendas that get served. I suggest considering if such agendas may be at work here. Then, you can either refuse to play the game (obviously not in those terms since this is your mother in law – you’ll need to do some creative thinking here), or you could consider taking control of the game by getting a second opinion from a different reputable suan-ming person that you hire yourself. (This is just an idea out of left field – but I’m a strong believer in second opinions, whether in medicine, law… Of course, you’d have to consider the possibility that a second opinion might not go your way either, unless you were somehow to vet the candidates beforehand. And I qualify this by saying that if it were me, I’d try to pick apart the opinion/validity of the original suan-ming rather than trying to get into a sketchy suan-ming battle.) I can imagine how you feel, as it also took me many months to find an apartment I liked and I’m very happy that I went with my own gut and took the apartment despite some naysaying from others about the decision (including some superstition issues – from a mortgage bank, no less).
The thing about [strike]stupid superstitions[/strike] deep-seated cultural mores is that there’s usually another [strike]dumb-ass superstition[/strike] long-established approach that can be used to cancel out the supposed ill effects of the first one. You may have to promise to turn your bed so it faces south, or put up a mirror on your front porch, or get some plants with round leaves, or burn some paper money, or whatever; but there ought to be a way that your mother-in-law would consider acceptable.
I agree with Rotalsnart. Getting into a suànmìng battle could get expensive and not give you what you want. But I think there should be a way that won’t cause you to lose too much money but still get you what you need. Maybe you could even get the first fortune-teller to suggest methods; but don’t ask these questions in front of your mother-in-law lest the answer be no.
[quote=“Okami”]MiL supports you financially, MiL doesn’t want you moving, and MiL wants no one to lose face.
Guess what MiL does?
Okami[/quote]
i am very aware of that she wants to control our life, but what is your point ?
Unfortunately we are financially not in the position to be completely indepedant and we both feel very happy about both parents support. My parents trust my common sense and for most tw parents it works this way.
I think most foreigners married to tw and living in Taiwan face such problems, probably the best example being (or having) a baby / child involved …
When you buy a house, you should always think about how easy/difficult it’ll be for you to get rid of it, even if you’re planning to “settle” there for the next 10 years. If the mother in law doesn’t like it as a result of suanming, then chances are other potential buyers with their fortune-tellers will see eye to eye with her. Just look at it as a way of screening out undesireable properties.
[quote]I am very aware of that she wants to control our life, but what is your point ?
Unfortunately we are financially not in the position to be completely indepedant and we both feel very happy about both parents support. My parents trust my common sense and for most tw parents it works this way.
I think most foreigners married to tw and living in Taiwan face such problems, probably the best example being (or having) a baby / child involved …[/quote]
How about not relying on her financial support? That would be a start to getting your life back.
If you think suanming is getting your nerve, you are not prepared of what come next. After you made decision of the house, suanming master will match the decor of the house, colors of each room with everyone’s bazi (birth date/hour) accordingly. Furnitures put a certain way, put here put there, do this do that…lets hope your MIL is not that extreme…
This is kind of my thought, too. If it’s her money, then it’s her decision.
And you can’t compare parenting in Taiwan to parenting in the another country. It’s a different culture. Your parents may give you money to do with as you please, but few Taiwanese parents will do it that way.
Personally, I think the whole fortune teller, feng shui, superstition stuff is crap, but my partner’s parents bought this place for him, so he did the whole routine, as is their custom. It’s their money.
You are right that you should always think about the resale value of a house, but you are confusing suanming with fengshui. Granted, you don’t want to buy a place in Taiwan that objectively violates some clear rule of fenghsui (even if you don’t believe the rule yourself), because you may indeed have more trouble selling the place later. And it is worthwhile to have a bit of positive knowledge about fengshui as well. For example, a southerly facing place is considered good fengshui, and also may provide a good angle of protection against the elements, making it easier to resell later.
However, fengshui and suanming are not the same thing. They are related and overlap in some aspects, and many “practitioners” (and I emphasize the quotes here) practice both, but fengshui is about the features of an abode that would make it desireable or undesirable to any and all dwellers, whereas suanming purports to be about whether an abode is suitable to a specific dweller (proabably based o their “bazi” (time of birth etc.) and other personal factors. Therefore, it should have little or no bearing on the resale value of a place (unless fengshui is also in play).
[quote=“Rotalsnart”] you don’t want to buy a place in Taiwan that objectively violates some clear rule of fenghsui (even if you don’t believe the rule yourself), because you may indeed have more trouble selling the place later. And it is worthwhile to have a bit of positive knowledge about fengshui as well. [/quote]So what would be considered bad fengshui? I only know a couple:
If a street comes directly at your home, it’s a no no.
Living next to a bridge or elevated road is bad. (But one of the most expensive buildings in Taiwan–Dibao on Renai Rd–sits right next to Jianguo elevated expressway.) :s
[quote=“Incubus”]So what would be considered bad fengshui? I only know a couple:
If a street comes directly at your home, it’s a no no.
Living next to a bridge or elevated road is bad. (But one of the most expensive buildings in Taiwan–Dibao on Ren’ai Rd–sits right next to Jianguo elevated expressway.) :s[/quote]
I’m not an expert, but besides the ones you mention, a couple others that I’m aware of are that it is bad for a house to be facing a temple, a graveyard, a hill, or another building that is much taller than the house. These are serious problems because the actual orientation of the house can’t really be rectified. Conversely, it is generally considered good to be facing water or a street with smooth flowing traffic.
Some things that are considered problems but can possibly be rectified with renovations include: an exposed beam over where a bed will go (put in an artificial ceiling to cover the beam) or a bathroom adjacent to eating or sleeping areas (move doors or walls so the respective areas are not directly exposed to each other).
