For the last month or so, I’ve developed the habit of having one alcoholic drink a night by myself or more when I go out with people, which I’ve been doing a lot this past month because I’ve come back to Taiwan. This is unusual for me, but I like it a lot as I’m trying lots of unusual and sometimes expensive whiskies and wines learning a lot and appreciating different tastes.
Forgetting the money aspect, is this bad? Can having one drink a night lead to addiction and health problems if you keep doing it for long enough? I’ve already gotten to the point where my night doesn’t feel right if I don’t have a drink and it helps me to get sleepy.
This is a bad sign, but a bit early to worry overly much
Based on your age and weight, most doctors probably recommend no more than 7 drinks per week. One a night is better than having all 7 on the same night, aka binge drinking. A few drinks a week is probably healthier than none
Are you hiding your drinking? Does it affect your work or relationships? Are you irritable when sober? If not, not really an alcoholic.
How often do you get blackout drunk?
I try to take a night off every week to remind myself I don’t need it (er, a night off from drinking at all, not the blackout bit)
I’d say your second sentence answers your first. If you’re needing the drink to be “normal”, then I’d recommend cutting back a bit.
Personally I go in waves for both alcohol and coffee. Coffee, one cup a day, and eventually two, and sometimes it’ll become three or four and then I’ll realize it’s too much and I’ll cut back or quit entirely for a few months (headaches ensue). Alcohol, occasionally one drink a night, but if it creeps up to every night for a sustained period of time, I’ll cut back for a while.
I’m currently at one (admittedly sometimes stiff) drink if I don’t have to be in the classroom the next day. More than one allowed if I’m socializing.
The addiction part really depends on the individual, but more recent research would indicate that daily drinking (even just one drink) will definitely lead to health problems long term.
Alcoholism begins when you continue to exclusively use alcohol to solve your emotional problems (which surface as difficult thoughts). A habit forms, leading to physical dependency. It’s then categorised by how many criteria you have from a checklist. Off the top of my head it’s things like… Missed work through drinking, got into trouble with the police through drinking, finding it difficult to stop drinking once you start, waking up from a session and starting to drink again etc
First warning sign.
Is it one or more?
Are you happy back in Taiwan? Are you stressed in the company of others? Is it anxiety drinking? What are the emotions behind your drinking?
Not sure. It’s probably ok, if it’s one small sherry, probably not ok if its one pint of gin.
Doesn’t sound like good thinking, does it?
WHY are you drinking? Get to the bottom of that. Strip away the invented fantasy that you becoming some sort of connoisseur and look at the emotions leading you to alcohol.
I am coming to understand that I am an emotional drinker. It’s a great insight for me. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, I consider myself as someone with a limited emotional toolbox. The more tools I have acquired in the last year to 18 months, the less alcohol has been in my life. I was really annoyed on Saturday and beer was the first tool out of the box. It was a really blunt, shitty tool to pick up. What I should have done was taken more time to understand my feelings, rather than choosing self harm. Literally drank poison, hoping it would improve my situation. I’m 48.
I started having my “one drink a night” in Taiwan to help me to sleep, but then I started going out and meeting people nearly every night and I continued to do it because it felt good. Although this sounds like a contradiction, even though I meet a lot of people in Taiwan and socialise a lot (if anything, too much), I feel really lonely and alienated here. And, simply put, whether I’m alone or with other people, drinking makes me feel a lot better. If I could, when I’m alone here I would drink all night long and stay up texting shit to friends in England and playing games, but I force myself to only have one. When I’m out with people, I don’t have any limits to how much I drink. I never realised I enjoyed drinking alcohol so much until I came back to Taiwan recently.
I used to drink a big can, almost every day before. It became a bit of a habit and just a way for me to “relax” at the end of the day. I was knowingly using it as an emotional crutch for a while and it ended up being a habit and I would feel very off if I didn’t get that one can in. The dependency or habit, in hindsight, was an obvious sign of a problem.
Due concerns I had about my health at the time I quit cold turkey and didn’t drink for about 4/5 months. Admittedly the first week or two was pretty hard but by the time I got to the one month mark I just didn’t really have any desire to drink at all anymore.
Years later I still enjoy having a drink now and then, but typically I only drink for some small celebration or with some friends and the rule I set for myself is…am I happy? If I’m happy I can drink, if not then just stick with some juice or something else, even if going out with friends. This personal rule helped me a lot and I feel like helped me develop emotionally a bit as well and have a much healthier relationship with alcohol and appreciate the drink itself a bit more.
My latest reason to celebrate with a drink was getting over Covid…one can was enough, I enjoyed it, I was happy and relaxed.
These are your emotions. You can find healthy solutions to changing these. But it will be a harder path than the liquid method.
It doesn’t. It’s a neurotoxin that fucks with your thought process.
You are lonely. Alcohol pretends to be a companion. It’s not a friend.
You are lonely. It is situational. Deal with that. Alcohol is a tool. It is not a friend. It will also badly let you down.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write all this down. I’ve been talking to myself here too.
If you are lonely, find friends who don’t drink (or smoke weed, or pop pills or whatever they do to escape their emotions). Or send me a pm and say hello.
And THANK YOU for your honesty. Very brave of you.
Ouch, in a way this reminds me of myself a bit…what really got me into drinking was that’s how I got close with some friends…then most of my friends left Taiwan or moved to different parts of Taiwan so it felt pretty lonely all of a sudden.
My 14 year old nephew is stealing vape pens and smoking weed to fit in and to deal (block/ignore) with his difficult feelings. These avoidance strategies present themselves from a young age. We need better emotional coping tools. I’ve honestly recently been reading a book about emotional behaviour aimed at 5-8 year olds. It has spoken to the hurt child inside of me in a way all these adult self help books never have.
I want to thank you, Guy, for being direct with me a month or so back. I learnt a lot from our ability to express ourselves openly with one another.
Every day is a school day