I decided to brighten up my drab life with a few orchids. Does anyone know how much sunlight they need? How much water? How often? Fertilizer? They were damned expensive and the kind lady at the florist gave me some helpful hints, but wo ting bu dong. Gorgeous little mothers they are, too. I don’t want to watch the wee mites die. Anyone help an alcoholic geriatric who hasn’t heard of Wikipedia? :flowers:
What kind of orchids do you have?
How big are they? How big are the pots they are in?
Describe the soil in the pots.
Are they being kept inside? outside? in the shade/sun?
Do you like to spank young women?
I have mine out of direct sunlight, but still in a bright spot. Too many cooked leaves from direct sunlight. Not too much water - once a week (or two), but I should do it a lot more frequently now that it is getting warmer. A sprayer is good - try to not get the leaves wet - it can rot them. (easier said than done - I have kind of given up keeping the leaves dry).
I read on the internet to trim the stalks after blooming. So I enthusiastically trimmed them. Somehow I missed 5 plants. 4 of the 5 have re-bloomed.
Moral: don’t trim the damn stalks.
Don’t repot unless you really have to. Better to be in a small, tight pot than a big, loose one.
It is ok if roots grow over the edges/out the bottom - the most common kinds of orchids here have photosynthetic roots (although if you paid a lot, maybe you have something more exotic and challenging to care for…good luck!)
Oh, and watch for 'effing snails , if you have 'em outdoors. No longer interesting and cute once you get an infestation of the slimy things. They looove orchids.
Any advice on snail eradication that isn’t going to kill my cats and dogs?
[quote=“almas john”]What kind of orchids do you have?
How big are they? How big are the pots they are in?
Describe the soil in the pots.
Are they being kept inside? outside? in the shade/sun?
Do you like to spank young women?[/quote]
1.Fer chrissakes, Mr Almas, I’m not a ferkin botanist. They’re pink, purple, orange and yeller.
2.Pretty wee, maybe 1 ft tall. Wee pots, maybe 500ml.
3.Looks like dirt to me, but contains a lot of grassy shit.
4.Inside. A slight bit of afternoon sun.
5.I prefer sodomy with decaying orchid stems.
6.Cheers mate!
Mr kage, so direct sunlight is harmful? Was at the zoo today and saw a few growing in direct sunlight. Maybe they don’t live as long. Don’t they grow in rainforests, hence lots of water? I guess they grow higher up and thus the roots have less chance of becoming saturated. I want to repot, 'cause the pots I got are real ugly. Why is that bad? They’re inside, so no risk of snail infestation. Thx for the reply. Cheers.
Oops, should have added another question to the OP. Do they flower like all year around? Do they die and rebloom? If they die are they gone forever?
I used to put a small circle of salt surrounding my hot tub. Worked great at repeling slugs. Should do the same for snails.
That’s Ms Kage to you. 
I know a little bit about botany, but am pretty new at orchids. (TwoTon is an expert, though, plus lots of info online - although, as I mentioned before, it is not always good advice). Lots and lots of species abound, with different requirements. I am sure some grow on forest edges, and thus more sunlight, others lower in the canopy, so light varies. I cooked the heck outta mine last summer by having them in direct sunlight - way, way too hot and bright.
I have the easiest genus to care for - Phalenopsis. Sounds like yours are more exotic.
As for repotting, what about not actually taking them out of their pots, but just setting the pots inside a bigger, more aesthetic, pot? That way you are not messing with the roots, and you don’t get to look at ugliness every moment of the day. Repotting is a pain as the roots need to be tight in the pot. Hard to cram them in there without damaging them.
If you DO need to cut any roots/leaves off that are rotten or very desiccated, sprinkle cinnamon on the cut edge to act as an excellent fungicide.
I think they bloom for 3 months or so, then can rebloom (if conditions are right), but don’t hold me to it, as my experience is limited.
They are the most highly evolved plant species and very sexy (in the plant world). At least I think so. Re: no. 5 - Don’t used decayed stems. Firm ones are more effective.
Yes, they rebloom. Not gone forever.
Enigma - thanks. I’ll hopefully get on that this weekend. Nasty buggers!
Thank you, Ms Kage, for your kind reply. Been searching the internet and getting contradictory information. Spray the leaves/don’t spray the leaves. Water daily/water fortnightly. Repot/don’t repot. 4 hour’s sunlight/no direct sunlight. Etc. Pain in the butt this is. I haven’t had a real hobby apart from alcoholism and drug rehabilitation for the last 15 years, so I’m going to give growing orchids a try. They are damned exotic and oh so pretty. :flowers:
Exotic and pretty. snigger, snigger
When you are searching the Internet, try and get info from a hot humid climate. Obviously, any British stuff is going to be taken with a grain of salt. If they mention Florida or Queensland (Oz), then you are on the right track.
[quote=“kage”]
As for repotting, what about not actually taking them out of their pots, but just setting the pots inside a bigger, more aesthetic, pot?[/quote]
I presume that both pots must have drainage?
[quote=“almas john”]
Exotic and pretty. snigger, snigger[/quote]
Hey! I said “DAMNED exotic” and “OH SO pretty”. Quote me INTACT! My corner liquor store has 15% brown English ale. Snigger snigger. 
Jumpin’ Jesus on a crutch! Did I just hijack my own thread?!
Experiment. See how they do. Try one place for a month or so. If the plant doesn’t seem to be tolerating it well, move it.
Don’t spray the leaves - spray the soil (actually, my sprayer usually sits idle - I use the hose and drench them 
) , but it is a good idea to keep it off the leaves. Taiwan (North) is pretty humid - if the leaves need any moisture, there should be enough in the air.
Yeah, good idea for both pots to have drainage, but if you found one (a pot) that you really like that doesn’t have drainage, and cutting a hole isn’t feasible, try putting 4-5 tiles (or half a brick?) in the bottom of the big and beautiful pot (which doesn’t have drainage), then set your plant (in the ugly pot with no drainage) on top of the tiles/brick. That way, if you overwater, it’ll drain through the pot with the roots, then accumulate on the bottom of the big pot. That standing water will just add more humidity, which orchids love. Just make sure the water level isn’t touching the bottom of the pot with the roots.
If you leave it there long enough, it may even be a nursery for baby mosquitoes - how cute - maybe give it a rinse every blue moon (if you constantly have a pool of water at the bottom) get rid of sliminess, too.
Again, watch the plant. If the leaves are a little less crisp/firm (ie more droopy) and the soil isn’t looking moist at all (like mine have been for the past week) , they probably need water. Keep an eye on it, you’ll get familiar over time with what each plant needs.
Don’t overwater - they generally don’t tolerate that well.
I bought my orchids at the Wen Shan district pot plant auction, they were pretty cheap, 50nt each 50nt for the new, china pot and repotting service. The lady there told me:
Keep these new ones inside when they are flowering.
Water them every 2 weeks.
When the flowers die you can move the plants outside.
Cut them back after the flowers die.
So far they are fine, but I haven’t tried the cutting back, yet. Reading the posts here I may reconsider.
Good luck with the new hobby, I’m trying gardening for the first time and it’s really something to focus on.