A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to
belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going
to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back
to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully
bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.”
The bear says, “I’m not on drugs.”
The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”
The Lone Ranger has been captured by the Indians. He’s tied to the stakes and it looks bad. The chief comes over and says, “Keemosabee, you have been a good friend to the Indians for many years. But today you must die. However, I will grant you one wish first.”
The Lone Ranger thinks for a second and asks if he can say goodbye to his horse Silver. The chief grants the wish and Silver trots over. The Lone Ranger whispers in Silver’s ear. Suddenly, the horse takes off. A few minutes later, just when the Indians are about to light the fire under the Lone Ranger, Silver appears with a gorgeous naked redhead on his back.
The Indians are thrilled and decide for this special gift they will give the Lone Ranger one more day to live.
Well, the next day the chief says:
“Keemosabee, today you must die. But, again, I will grant you one wish first.”
The Lone Ranger thinks for a second and asks if he can say goodbye to his horse Silver. The chief grants the wish and Silver trots over. The Lone Ranger whispers in Silvers ear. Suddenly, the horse takes off just like the day before. A few minutes later, again just when the Indians are about to light the fire under the Lone Ranger, Silver appears, this time with a gorgeous naked brunnette on his back.
The Indians are thrilled and decide for this special gift they will give the Lone Ranger another day to live.
Well, the next day comes and the chief says again:
“Keemosabee, today you must die for sure. No more tricks. But, again, I will grant you one wish first.”
The Lone Ranger asks again if he can say goodbye to his horse Silver. The chief grants the wish and Silver trots over. The Lone Ranger grabs Silver by the ears and says:
“Read my lips. Posse!”
An intrepid explorer hired a native guide to take him up the Amazon into the deepest, darkest part of the jungle. After a while of going up the river, the explorer heard, faintly, the pounding of drums. He asked the guide, “What’s with the drums, dude?”
The guide answered, “Drums ok. But very bad when they stop.”
The next day, traveling groggily thanks to having slept very little thanks to the pounding of the drums, the intrepid explorer again asked, “Yo, guide dude, what’s with those gnarly drums?”
And the guide answered, “Drums ok. No worry about drums. But very bad when they stop.”
Up the river they continued, the drums getting louder and louder. And the intrepid explorer said, “Ok, so the drums are ok, but like, what happens when they stop?”
And the guide shook his head and answered, “Is very bad.”
Later, further up the river, the drums so loud that the intrepid explorer could feel the shockwaves pounding through his chest in time with his pounding heart, concerned, the intrepid explorer inquired, “Uh, guide dude, could you go into a little more detail about what happens when the drums stop?”
And the guide shook his head and muttered, “Hope they don’t. Is very, very bad.”
And just then, the drums stopped.
The guide hit the floor of the boat, hands over his ears, whimpering in terror. And the intrepid explorer hit the floor right next to him, hands clamped over his ears, frantically asking, “What happens when the drums stop, dude? What happens when the drums stop?!??!”
And the guide wailed, “GUITAR SOLO!!!”
I got this link from an article in Salon. God, it’s funny. Check out the letters.
[quote=“Mucha man”]Check out the letters.
[/quote]
Admit it, you posted this link on tealit, didn’t you. 