He is a pretty tragic case. When I was in Taiwan we used to wind him up no end.[/quote]
This person sounds familiar. Did they just recently buy the house?
I have dated many Taiwanese guys and I have never experienced any of the “cultural differences” rules that your guy has mentioned. Just like any other guys, they can be mildly jealous at times, but I have always thought not excessively so. I only had one problem with a guy who refused to tell his parents we were dating and we broke up. It’s very hard to just walk away when you have feelings for a guy. I’m sure he acts very romantic and loving. However, I think the things he mentioned are very clear warning signs. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Good luck. I know it will probably make you very sad but I think you have to leave this guy. Please do it in a public place and have a back-up of friends ready in case something goes wrong. Also, if he has a key, change your locks and have your friends escort you home for a while. Just to be on the safe side.
Hey, I kind of forgot I started this thread, and now it’s a few years later, but I stumbled on it again and I can’t believe I didn’t leave that guy when he started pulling that “cultural” stuff. All you who replied to my post had it right - he was a controller, and it only got worse. I (stupidly) stayed with him for 6 more grueling, emotional months, during which he not only tried to control my every move, but also “borrowed” substantial amounts of money from me that I will never see again. Finally over some issue I now forget, I got so angry at him and in the midst of that argument he admitted he’d been lying to me for the past year while we were dating about some pretty important things. So I left him, never to see him or my money again, and my life’s been far the better since for it!
I’m very happy to say, I’m still in Taiwan, and I’ve since met a guy from the States who I’ve been dating a year now, and it’s been the easiest, sweetest, most laid back, comfortable relationship I could ever imagine. Cultural? I can’t say for sure. But regardless of culture, I agree with previous posters - pay attention to those warning signs!!! It’s easy to ignore them or make excuses for them because you’re in “love”, but they are there for a reason! Save yourself the trouble and get out if red flags are popping up everywhere!
[quote=“SuperLaoshi”]Hey, I kind of forgot I started this thread, and now it’s a few years later, but I stumbled on it again and I can’t believe I didn’t leave that guy when he started pulling that “cultural” stuff. All you who replied to my post had it right - he was a controller, and it only got worse. I (stupidly) stayed with him for 6 more grueling, emotional months, during which he not only tried to control my every move, but also “borrowed” substantial amounts of money from me that I will never see again. Finally over some issue I now forget, I got so angry at him and in the midst of that argument he admitted he’d been lying to me for the past year while we were dating about some pretty important things. So I left him, never to see him or my money again, and my life’s been far the better since for it!
I’m very happy to say, I’m still in Taiwan, and I’ve since met a guy from the States who I’ve been dating a year now, and it’s been the easiest, sweetest, most laid back, comfortable relationship I could ever imagine. Cultural? I can’t say for sure. But regardless of culture, I agree with previous posters - pay attention to those warning signs!!! It’s easy to ignore them or make excuses for them because you’re in “love”, but they are there for a reason! Save yourself the trouble and get out if red flags are popping up everywhere! [/quote]
All’s well that ends well. Good to hear a happy conclusion: the bastard is gone.
The controller doesn’t necessarily know they are controlling, they may be nice guys in other ways, but this is how they’ve grown up to be and what they consider normal.
I have a 60 ish year old friend, who said things like this - you never get angry or show even the slightest disagreement to anything. He told me a lot of things that sound like what your boyfriend told me At one point he told me I walked to fast, I should walk like a girl. He was always calling me and checking up, etc
Thank god he was only a friend! He said if we were in a relationship he would pay a lot more attention to me!
However, a lot of modern relationships I know and that work aren’t like that.
Yes, ultimately every person is unique and has his/her own personal differences. But, that doesn’t negate the likelihood that there are in fact broad/general cultural traits that any subset of people may tend to have, generally.
Hi. i have something to have clear advice. Im dating a taiwanese guy for almost a month already. We kissed already, holding hands in public…but he never said he loves me. He once said before that he likes me. Im started falling for him already after our first date… I wanted to know what are we?
You can start your own thread as your situation isn’t similar to the original poster’s situation (I didn’t read the whole thread, but I really hope she got out of that abusive relationship… what a piece of work).
As for your relationship, I don’t see anything unusual in your case. If anything you’re expecting too much, too soon, and it might scare him away. One month together is really soon to sincerely tell someone you “love” them. Sorry to ask, but have you guys had sex at this point? Even if you have, it might be too soon, but if not, then it’s definitely too soon. I don’t think I ever told anyone I loved them after only a month… or had anyone say to me that they loved me after only one month. I would just take things as they come. If you get too insecure or obsessive about pushing this sooner than he’s ready, the whole relationship might fall apart.
EDIT: I just remember a girlfriend in college did tell me she loved me after like two weeks, and it DID scare me away. So there you go.
Welcome, too @Elle.
1 month, and no “I love you”? Oh, the tragedy
You want him to throw around those heavy-meaning words like popcorn?
Let it arrive naturally, not on some timeline, so that it does mean something big when he says it.
Oh and if/when he does say it, act like you heard it.
Don’t make it into a Seinfeld episode and give him a big matza ball.
I don’t know but I heard from other people that if the boyfriend doesn’t spend enough time with the girlfriend then the girl may think she’s not being loved and demand a break up.
Everyone has insecurities however so if you’re looking for someone without any, you’re going to find someone without insecurities on the surface but has deep insecurities.
But expectations are annoying and if the partner is forcing you to act a certain way then it’s not a relationship on equal footing and will likely fail.
Sex? We don’t do it yet. but yes i already tell him I falling for him… and i open up our age gap because Im 30 and he is 26 only, for me it matters most. I dont know if I still talk to him? what should I do?
You cant possibly love someone after 1 month. That’s just your hormones pumping right now. Sounds like you may love the idea of someone that might not even be him. You don’t know about someone past at least 2 years. Than you can decide if you truly love this person, with all the flaws and shortcomings.
This isn’t healthy. Get your head straight. Why do you think you love him? Most girls I meet are on their best behaviors for the first few months. You need to see a lot more to see what they’re about.
