Hello all, I am seeking advice in regard to my wife who is currently sitting the month “坐月子 zuo yue zi” and has custody of our child. We were initially living together and then she decided that I was not doing enough as a husband and moved back to her parents’ home. She initially wanted her father to move in for the month and do everything, but I did not want that. Anyway, she is suffering from postpartum depression and has decided to stop communicating with me. I am in contact with her father, but he also placates to her needs and only wants me seeing my son when she feels like it. The father knows that she is suffering from postpartum depression and has asked me to wait until the 30th of September. He has chosen this date as it is the end of the 40th day of sitting the month. My question is, as a father, what legal rights do I have if she decides that she just wants to stay at her parents’ home after this date? It feels though she has kidnapped our child and gone crazy. I am really stuck at the moment into the course of action that I can take. Any suggestions or information would be helpful. We are not divorced, although she has threatened me with it. I am just thinking about the welfare of the child, but she says that sitting the month is more important for her health than the child.
It’s a ‘tradition’ that some Taiwanese do. It is for the woman to recover from the toll on the body from pregnancy and giving birth.
I am not sure why they don’t let you stay in the house of the parents as well during that time. They need to take care of your wife and the child.
You could definitely help out with the baby as first months are most difficult getting used tending to constant needs of the baby around the clock.
One thing that may or may not be of some help is to know that there are social workers in the hospitals. If you go to the hospital where your child was born it could be likely that the social worker would be able to give advice about supports for you and your wife.
Hopefully you’ve gotten the english and chinese birth certificates from hospital listing you 2 as parents.
If not, maybe that’s what you can do in the meantime with hospital’s help. Get multiple official copies of both for future use.
Go talk to a lawyer and consider legal action in my opinion. If this can happen once based on her mood and her parents are clearly not considering you then better find this all out now than wait.
I too am sorry to hear this. Don’t let this Taiwan tradition fool you. It’s also Taiwan tradition to stay with your husband through thick and thin -
You also can’t divorce in Taiwan so easily.
All this being said - I suppose you’re newly weds and a new baby is indeed scary. The issue I suspect is her parents meddling. The parents should be encouraging her to stick with her husband.
How long ago? When was the last time you see her? Did you see your kid? Start saving all conversation and be careful when writing. 40 days is really a lot, I thought they do 28 which is also a lot.
She feels that she should just be eating and sleeping during this period and not be up during the night to feed the baby. She thinks I should be doing all the work. I now need to wait until the 30th of September to see if she feels better and if not, then I don’t know what to do.
I want to help out, but the parents think that I have no experience and they should do it for the first month as their daughter needs to rest. I suppose they don’t understand the bonding and relationship that develops through the first month. At the moment, she is priority and the baby is second.
Bonding happens in the first month ?
Ok so what were you not doing that she expected you to do ? Pay the bills ? Get up and feed the baby. What exactly are her wants that she feels you were not doing ?
To be fair, I took the 2 times overnight to feed our first and second babies, and I had full-time job.
I picked just before midnight and then 4 am. Usually fed and burped and changed diaper and put baby back into crib within 30-40mins. Then i went back to sleep. I was lucky as our kids fed/slept like clockwork as we trained them early, lol.
Anyone is parent for the first time. Nobody is born with experience on how to do everything right.
I was putting on the diapers, figuring out the correct way to do it. MIL interfered and wanted to take over. I told her in no uncertain terms to leave the room.