Dating a girl who is depressed...she is nice, but


met this girl…or say someone introduced a friend to me. Met her about 3 or 4 times, then Chinese New Year, she disappeared for 4 weeks. I knew she is looking for a job. But she got depressed over the time. Ringing her, sending messages, emails, no replies, then got in contact with her again, via MSN, still not in a good mood. Then met her this week, talked to her about 3 hours at a tea house. But we talked mostly about job hunting, that she is depressed and that she has no good mood to go out.

She is Taiwanese, not the silly young type, has BA and MBA from the US, but now without job for a long time… Looking good, tall, very nice…

What to do? Helping her to find a job? In order to “get” her later… or just to get a friend. Or just forget it…Or maybe she is in a need for help… but sometimes to listen to these problems has also an influence on my mood… So better to stay away?


My thoughts exactly

Joesefus: No…it’s not this amazing story about Lady J… Completly different…

Oh, I don’t doubt it’s a different story. That was never in question.

As someone who deals with depression on a daily basis, her withdrawal could be a signal of her struggling with self worth. It is very hard for someone who isn’t in that position to deal with that. It’s hard to understand the limitations of life when your life is going smoothly. If it’s getting to much to bear then it would probably be good for you step back as you aren’t bring much to the relationship if you have a “oh here we go again” attitude.

If you are willing to stay with her, then it would be just be good for you just to listen. But becareful of the "oh woe is me " tale. As that is just them being stuck in feeling sorry for themselves and looking for someone to recuse them. But if she is making an effort to go forward but is hitting a lot of obstacles, then perhaps you could just be supportive by being patient and listening to her. Most people just want to be heard, not told that "it’s gonna get better " bullshit.

Best of luck :rainbow:

Doubter99: I think you should be as nice to her as possible. Butter her up. Help her get a job if you can, so you can nail her later . . . :unamused:


I don’t want to say that you should stop seeing this girl, but if you are willing to be there for her and cheer her up, just know that sometimes it’s a drag to be with someone who’s constantly down. It might developed into a relationship where you are both embroiled in her depression and can’t truly enjoy each other’s companionship. Your care and support might become an excuse for her to be upset all the time because she knows at the end of the day you will cheer her up and tell her sweet things. But if you truly care about her and is prepared to cushion all her downs, why not go for it.

I say you talk to her about her negative attitude because even though it may be rough that she hasn’t found a job yet, only you can bring yourself down if you don’t have the right mindset. If she doesn’t turn around then I say find yourself a new girl if she really starts depressing you because you shouldn’t have to put up with excessive negativity, it will only bring you down with her.

sounds like a lot of work…is it worth the lay? Or do u want a relationship with her…

Can I have her?

Now that’s depressing…

hey madcow,

just wondering, do you mean she is clinically depressed, or just down in the dumps because she can’t find a job. there is a huge difference.

if she is clinically depressed she should get help, via therapy and or meds.

is she is just down in the dumps, then that is usually just a phase.

usually anyway. real depression can result from holding in your feelings and letting them fester. depression can be avoided by one getting their true feelings aired and let them out. thats where you can come in. be an ear.

also i wonder, if she is such a downer, why are you attracted to her? is she just a hotty you like that happens to be emotionally down, or what? has she ever showed an interest in you either as a friend or potential partner? are you just hoping to get something going because she is cute?


if u really think she is special

try to encourage and help her :slight_smile:

dont give up

Had a depressive boyfriend once, tried to help him for 3,5 years, but finally had to give up and rescue myself. This kind of relationship is VERY exhausting. Make sure you know, what you are getting into.