Dating a Taiwanese Guy

Life Dating & Relationships
1

Last year was the first time for me to chat with him through chat apps. He was work in Korea and that time I still in my hometown.
We are keep in touch about almost a year, not really intensive but always keep in touch with some pictures, story and light topics.
I was planning study to Korea, that’s why we keep in touch and he helps me for some information.

And this February, I had plan to Taiwan for Chinese New Year Holiday so I told him my plan and he said that he will go back to Taiwan too for holiday so he suggest me to arrange the same schedule with him so we can spend holiday together.

So finally we met for the first time, spent 6 days together. He even took me to his hometown in Taiwan and stay with his family. I was quite shock because at his home, his parent let me stay with him in a same room… I thought Chinese Culture isn’t this open about relationship before married? [color=#0000FF]Does living together before married is a common things in Taiwan?[/color]

After holiday in Taiwan, I went back to my hometown and he also back to Korea.
On March, I came to Korea for study and meet him again. Since we’re living in different city so we just met in weekend. But we really spent a great time in Korea. He took me to many places. He really take care of me.

Bad news, on April he had to go back to Taiwan because the working contract was over. So he will go back and find another job in Taiwan, he don’t like life in Korea, he don’t want to find job in Korea again.
Before he went back to Taiwan, he asked me to come to Taiwan after I finish my study in Korea. He want me to study Chinese in Taiwan and stay with him, he said he will responsible for my study and my daily life.

Beginning June was my semester holiday. Then I went to Taiwan for 9 days holiday.
From April to June, in Taiwan he still jobless. So when I came to Taiwan this time, he didn’t take me for travel and he just took me stay in his hometown. We had a fight about this because he suddenly made decision without asking anything for me. Before came, I already told him that I don’t want to stay in his hometown more than 3 days, but now he made me stay 6 days there. And finally he told me the reason.
Staying in Taipei / travel means we need to stay in hotel and now he is jobless and besides he just spend a lot of money to pay downpayment for apartment in Taipei so he need to wisely use money.

I really not understand, why he didn’t tell me in advance about this? [color=#0000FF]Does Taiwanese guy has a high self pride? So it’s embarrassing for them to say such things looks like “I don’t have money”[/color]

After back from Taiwan, our relationship was getting worse.
He change a lot, never send me message at first, never care about me, everything become like shit.
So I asked him if he want to broke up with me and he said no but he just afraid that we are not match each other… so I think he just need some times. So I just ignore him about 3 weeks finally I asked him if he still want me to come to Taiwan or not. Because I need to do all registration for class next semester on September and his answer really make me upset “if you want to come just come”
I really angry to him and say “I am not going to come just because I want to come. You are the one who asked me to come to Taiwan and stay with you, if you change your mind just say it clearly. It’s been weird but I still keep patient waiting but now I can’t wait anymore.”

And then he said sorry, he explained what actually on his mind. Not because he change his mind, but he has no confident. Now he just got a new job with salary much much lower than when he was in Korea. Every month have to pay installment to bank for the apartment. He is afraid that he can’t give a good life for me, can’t make me happy, can’t take me travel if I stay in Taiwan. That’s all what on his mind~ not because he don’t want me to come. And then after saying all that things, he said he want me to come.

So I do all registration for school and everything. Now the rest is just the payment to school end of August the latest. I still have 1,5 months to consider this condition. Before, I was sure that I want to go Taiwan and stay with him. No one knows future, we might have a smooth relationship or maybe in the end we decide to broke up.
But now… I am not sure as before. Is it worth it to try? Though I don’t have to pay for my school but I need to prepare many things as well. Visa applied, flight ticket, etc… And actually I still want to stay in Korea too…
[color=#0000FF]
Anyone could give me some advise?[/color]

2

I think it’s hard for a women to understand how much money and our jobs weigh on our minds. I think man and women think in a different way and it’s important for both sides to try to understand how the other thinks and communicate.

Here’s a story that sort of resembles what is going on here.
Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. One the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too”. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Motorcycle won’t start…can’t figure out why.

3

I agree with Andrew0409.

I think RinChen’s boyfriend might be worried about his motorcycle. :neutral:

4

ahahaha… just because of motorcycle and made a woman cry? I think it not an excuse…
Well, I read a book about man and woman (Man are from Mars and Woman from Venus). I know that guy usually need their own time while they’re in serious matter or problem that why I was trying to give him some times. I didn’t complain even though he ignore me but I can’t wait too long coz I need to decide my next step either I will stay in Korea or go to Taiwan.

5

Your story is pretty much how my mom and dad were. He was very poor when he met her in Korea. She moved to Taiwan and life was very difficult for her in the beginning. Eventually, my dad’s company become one of largest in Taiwan so she lives comfortably now. But my dad was very insistent on her coming here the whole way. It’s a big commitment to come to Taiwan, I don’t know if you love him or if he loves you. But if he is unsure, you need to protect yourself and move on in my opinion.

6

It sounds like the two of you really rushed into this. It’s good that you’re finally opening up to each other–really talking–but you can’t let him decide the future for the two of you. (What about what you want? If he loves you, that should be just as important to him.)

Ideally, no matter what happens with your jobs etc., the two of you should be able to love and support each other, and that means listening to each other. It sounds like he’s made some progress, but still has a lot of room for improvement.

And…are you honestly happy with this man? If, for whatever reason, the answer is no, then for God’s sake, break up with him. If in your heart, you really don’t want to live in Taiwan, then don’t. Maybe the two of you are just traveling in incompatible directions in life. It’s unfair to make you give up your dreams just to be with him.

You ask whether living together / sleeping together is accepted. Not usually among the older generations, but there are exceptions. Your boyfriend’s parents might have reacted differenty if it had been their daughter instead of their son. Often young people put on a kind of facade–for example, some female university students are really living with their boyfriends, but pretend they’re not when their parents visit. but there is no hard and fast rule–society has changed a lot over the last few decades.

7

I really don’t know if I love him or not now.
Because I feel doubt right now.
Before, I was sure that I love him and willing to live with him but now I am afraid… >.< I am unsure… but deep inside I still want to try to continue our relationship.

8

[quote=“Zla’od”]It sounds like the two of you really rushed into this. It’s good that you’re finally opening up to each other–really talking–but you can’t let him decide the future for the two of you. (What about what you want? If he loves you, that should be just as important to him.)

Ideally, no matter what happens with your jobs etc., the two of you should be able to love and support each other, and that means listening to each other. It sounds like he’s made some progress, but still has a lot of room for improvement.

And…are you honestly happy with this man? If, for whatever reason, the answer is no, then for God’s sake, break up with him. If in your heart, you really don’t want to live in Taiwan, then don’t. Maybe the two of you are just traveling in incompatible directions in life. It’s unfair to make you give up your dreams just to be with him.

You ask whether living together / sleeping together is accepted. Not usually among the older generations, but there are exceptions. Your boyfriend’s parents might have reacted differenty if it had been their daughter instead of their son. Often young people put on a kind of facade–for example, some female university students are really living with their boyfriends, but pretend they’re not when their parents visit. but there is no hard and fast rule–society has changed a lot over the last few decades.[/quote]

Yah I admit it’s very rush. It just only 5 months since we really met in person.
in my self thinking, I also don’t mind to start from 0 and support each other. I am ok to live simply life, money is not everything for me.

I was happy when with him… but after he change of course I am not happy. That’s why it make me confuse now.
People said “listen to your heart” but I don’t know which one? which one is I want?
I realize I don’t know much about him. that makes me afraid.
Before he changed, I thought he is a warm, responsible, kind and most important is he wont make me hurt. He will try to make me happy.

But now… i really afraid. I told him that what he do to me is make me sad, uncomfortable and un secure with our relationship. I told him, if he don’t love me or don’t like me, please say it clearly. it’s better than we keep in relationship with this condition.
But he didn’t say anything until finally he told me about all his doubt and un confident.
Now he already getting better. He said he will try to build his confident and back like him before… he is not completely back like before, just getting better. But now I become really afraid, since he can change so easily when he have something in his mind (maybe oneday he really make me cry just because his bike has problem) >.<

In the other side, sometimes I was thinking to leave him… but I am tired to start a new relationship.
I am not easy person to decide serious relationship. And besides, He that I knew before was an awesome person. He is not perfect, he is not rich, but he really make me comfortable and safety. I feel that I can count on him.

9

What do you want to do with your life? Stay in Taiwan and study Chinese? (Because that seems to be what HE wants for you.) Or would you rather live in Korea? (Too bad–he wants you to make all the sacrifices.) If he makes you feel uncomfortable, insecure, and afraid, then don’t go changing your life plans for his sake. But then you say he is awesome, and that you can count on him. Are you sure? It sounds like your relationship goes up and down.

10

Hello RinChen,

I am married to a Taiwanese guy and at the beginning it took me a while to understand one thing: ma man goes introvert and difficult when he has money worries. The reason for this is that he really wants to take care of me. He wants to be able to provide for the things I need and also for the things I want. This is, in my opinion, a mix of cultural background and honest love and caring feelings.

I doubt your boyfriend would ask you to come to Taiwan if he didn’t care about you. I think if he is grumpy or silent about some things is because he doesn’t feel comfortable with his own situation.

You could interpret it as pride, but it is not really only a little bit of male pride. It is a deeply ingrained cultural thing linked to a true wish to provide and look after the person you care about.

My way around the situation is to give the most importance to the fact we are together and suggest dates / things to do which allow him to treat me but that are not expensive. Think about dating teenage style! And I never mention that we do these things because we cannot do the fancy dates. We just do them because company is the most important thing, not how much money you spend. Then, on the occasion we go somewhere really fancy it feels like a treat.

I hope this helps. Talking about this with your partner might not solve much, definately not talking about it all the time. Because this will only make him feel more self-conscious. Finding out if this is the reason by talking once or twice, then confirming that is the case through observing his behaviour and then act accordingly to aleviate his worries and enjoy your relationship would be the best thing to do.

Only one little bit of advice based on my experience! I might of course be wrong :slight_smile: all the best!! :bravo:

11

it’s been long time… i got problem with my notebook TT finally fixed~

Yeah it’s like ups and down… I don’t know his character exactly… we know each other not too long >.<
What i wanna do in life is learning Korean language first after that I want to go back to my country. it was my plan…
But sometimes plan could be change by situation that we meet… If i found someone, i don’t mind to follow him whereever he live as long as he love me…

Finally I decided to stay in Korea. We still be together, but I pending my arrivals to Taiwan until… maybe end of this year or maybe next year… i don’t know.
Because I still cannot trust him… I am afraid if I go there, i will regret… so, I will stick to my first plan to study here… i hope after next semester my language is getting better and I am ready to go to Taiwan…

12

[quote=“SweetPotatoWife”]Hello RinChen,

I am married to a Taiwanese guy and at the beginning it took me a while to understand one thing: ma man goes introvert and difficult when he has money worries. The reason for this is that he really wants to take care of me. He wants to be able to provide for the things I need and also for the things I want. This is, in my opinion, a mix of cultural background and honest love and caring feelings.

I doubt your boyfriend would ask you to come to Taiwan if he didn’t care about you. I think if he is grumpy or silent about some things is because he doesn’t feel comfortable with his own situation.

You could interpret it as pride, but it is not really only a little bit of male pride. It is a deeply ingrained cultural thing linked to a true wish to provide and look after the person you care about.

My way around the situation is to give the most importance to the fact we are together and suggest dates / things to do which allow him to treat me but that are not expensive. Think about dating teenage style! And I never mention that we do these things because we cannot do the fancy dates. We just do them because company is the most important thing, not how much money you spend. Then, on the occasion we go somewhere really fancy it feels like a treat.

I hope this helps. Talking about this with your partner might not solve much, definately not talking about it all the time. Because this will only make him feel more self-conscious. Finding out if this is the reason by talking once or twice, then confirming that is the case through observing his behaviour and then act accordingly to aleviate his worries and enjoy your relationship would be the best thing to do.

Only one little bit of advice based on my experience! I might of course be wrong :slight_smile: all the best!! :bravo:[/quote]

Hi SweetPotatoWife,

Thank you for your advise and share your experiences. I am sory for a late late reply…
Finally I delay my arrival to Taiwan. I think I am not ready yet… I am afraid that i will regret. So i decided to study here more until end of this year or beginning of next year… at least if our relationship doesn’t work well later, i don’t have to regret leave my Korean study.

Persist as your advise… lately I never asked too much about that money problems.
I found that he still so introvert… really difficult to know what on his mind.

Recently, when I need to extend my visa, the immigration request to print out bank account balance… because that time my money is not enough (they asked at least 5,000,000 won) i asked him for help. Then he transfer me 3,000,000won (is about 82,000NTD). Even though I just borrow that money for few weeks but i think it’s not a small money… if he didn’t think about serious relationship maybe he won’t help me?

At least I have more time to think about our relationship… i really hope I can understand him like you do to your husband^^

13

Are you dating my ex boyfriend?? Haha. My story is juts the same. I can be responsible for you, come here, he said we will travel and all that stuff, one I put my foot here, he changed, was rude, he claimed he had money and he complained all the time! Finally I helped him get jobs so he couldn’t afford what he promised. BTW never ever invited me to a trip.

14

Guess you dated this guy after Rin Chen? Or did you meet him more then five years ago?

Anyway did RinChen’s boyfriend got his motorcycle running?

15

Probably one of two things:

  1. He didn’t think you’d actually move here.
  2. He overestimated his ability to get money from his parents.
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