A friend did a favor for me (took about 1 hour of her time) so I invited her to a Michelin restaurant. The dish we wanted to order is for 5 people (and costs about 10k TWD), so I said bring some of your family if you want to help us finish. One thing I didn’t clarify is whether I’d be paying for everyone’s extra food/drinks, and each dish/drink at this place costs 1k+ TWD.
So few days before the dinner date I ask her, “here’s an idea - how about I pay for the main dish and your family pay for their own appetizers / drinks”?
Well she becomes really upset at me, says I am assuming she and her family are poor, they they don’t need me to sponsor their meal, that I as a host should just pay for everything or their family will feel embarrassed, and now she doesn’t want to go to the restaurant despite me saying fine I’ll just pay for everything if it’s reasonable. So I’m left with a reservation that I can’t cancel (there’s a 5k TWD cancellation fee) and need to find a last minute date.
You’re wrong. If you offer to buy her dinner and say “bring your family”, it obviously means you’re paying (unless you make it clear at the time). Now you want to change that deal after she’s already invited them. She’s right, it’s embarrassing for her.
I’ve had friends (Taiwanese) invite friends (Taiwanese) to expensive meals, only to end up with ten people instead of a planned-for three or four because they all invited family too. The “inviting” person always got angry that their friends would be so shameless as to use them as a piggy bank. The invited people would feel like this is just what people are supposed to do and that they should be allowed to invite whoever they want. So it’s not “cultural”, your situation.
It’s less embarrassing for her now to explain to the family members she’s invited that the dinner date has been cancelled. It’s very tricky explaining how a free meal she invited them to now has some costs attached.
I agree. The OP should apologise to her and pay for everything.
Very much agree, choose a cheaper place if you did not want spend that much. I would not be happy and it maybe more like not a thank you gift than expensive burden. I’d rather have a nice coffee, wine or drink with box biscuit cookie(cookies) to share with my family than invite my family on a date.
If someone invites me to a Michelin Star restaurant, I expect them to pay. It is completely beyond my economic means to go there and thus I’d never go there myself.
That’s my rule based on inviting someone to a restaurant. If you are not ok with this then find a restaurant within their economic means.
And most Taiwanese would get pissed if they were invited to an expensive restaurant and told they had to pay a portion of it.
