Just an opening disclaimer this is more of a vent post so apologies ahead of time if this offends anyone. This post is also more about family relationships rather than dating relationships.
I have a cousin I’m not very close to but have started hanging out more with since I arrived in Taiwan last month. I am from the US while he is native born Taiwanese. I used to feel bad for him because like me he grew up in a similar upbringing (abuse was very common in my household) and it has made him completely undesirable to people and women.
I used to feel bad for him because I identified with him, but overtime I have started to see him as “pathetic” and a “loser”. I don’t wish to see him this way but I have really started to lose a lot of respect for him as a person.
The thing is my cousin is actually almost 20 years older than me I am in my mid 20’s and he’s in his early 40’s. As I’ve grown older I realized that I had approached life differently than him and overcome a lot of personal demons, insecurities, and worked heavily on myself over the last decade to the point that I feel things are finally working out better for me. He hasn’t done the same.
He is in his 40’s, works a job that doesn’t pay well (which is fine), lacks basic social skills, basic conversational skills, and is still coddled by his overbearing mother. He is from a wealthier family so he has not had to worry about money ever, but that has also stunted his growth because he has never had to work his ass off and learn important life lessons. He’s had a situationship with this girl who ended up leaving him and marrying some other guy (which he attended the wedding). That’s the extent of his dating experience (besides hooking up with prostitutes he paid with his mom’s money).
I think all of this is fine because people have shitty life circumstances. However what I don’t think is fine is not having any drive to change your life circumstances. I think that is what I don’t respect about him.
Anyhow during my short duration here, he found out how much money I was able to make doing finance. His eyes perked up during one conversation when he realized how lucrative my job was and so he was interested in learning some finance. I do teach students on my own time, but my space and time is limited and because of my busy schedule I didn’t really want to teach another lesson.
However, he kept asking me about it and showing interest and so I decided I would make some time for him and start a course with him. So I give him the details and the rate that I charge and immediately he tries to haggle the price down. I tell him that I am already giving him a “family special” because I usually charge a lot more (which is true). He says okay, then we figure out a weekly time to meet up. We set the schedule to be Monday every week.
Several days later, he tells me that now he only wants to “try out” the first class before making a full commitment. So I’m like “cool” but getting a bit irritated given that he was the one that asked me to teach him, then agreed to the original terms.
A week later before the class starts, he messages me and tells me that “I can’t do Monday, can we change to Thursday?” So I say we can change it for the week but I have a busy schedule and limited time so I can only do Mondays the following weeks. He says “okay”.
The day of the class comes along, it is Thursday. He messages me 10 minutes before the class telling me that “oh I thought it was on Monday”. I tell him that I can do the following day same time just this once or we would have to wait to the following week to meet up. He tells me that he has a “party with coworkers” the following day but that he could show up at 10pm.
So guess what happens? 15 minutes before 10pm today he texts me “I can’t make it, I’m still driving”. Which I ask in response when would he be able to get home tonight. He tells me “After 11:30pm”
I’m actually very irritated right now given this guy is 20 years older than me, is a man child that has zero professionalism and wastes my time. The guy was the one that came to me for my expertise, tried to haggle my rate down unapologetically, then changes the time for the class twice. I know for a fact he’s partying with his co-workers right now because he told me the day before it was what he was doing tonight.
What bothers me though is ever heard of letting people know ahead of time? Or an apology? He hasn’t apologized one single time for wasting my time. I think because of this I will be dropping him from my class.
I can’t really help but think he’s the very definition of a loser. Perhaps I am too harsh but my upbringing was actually way worse than his but I made it out a different person while he is basically a man-child in his 40’s, completely incompetent without any redeeming attributes. Had he apologized to me, that would have been at least something. But man, this guy is lost.
I feel bad for him but at the same time I feel pity.
Thanks for listening to my ramble. Had to get it off my chest.
