My stupid friend just got dumped. And she is doing the “He will come back” bit. Which I am positive she is correct on because they all do. But another gloomy gus naysayer says that she (and I) are incorrect. That they rarely do.
Maybe it is just my experience, but from what I have seen in my life and that of my friends has been that almost all relationships have at least one second wind before either dying off or working out.
Who is correct? The dummy and I or the gloomygus naysayer?
Most will give it a second chance but it depends on how strongly the “wronged” party feels about the other and how strongly he/she was “wronged.”
If the wronged party enjoys working the field and wasn’t all that enamored of the other in the first place, but simply viewed him/her as a pleasant diversion between other conquests, and/or if the other had various attributes that really grated on the wronged party (loud annoying laugh, constantly foul breath, pushy and aggressive, constantly flirting, or whatever) and/or if the wrong was so intense (slept with his/her mother, kicked his/her doggie), then maybe the wronged party may view this as a prime opportunity to sever the relationship and move on.
Otherwise, you’re right, people tend to keep giving it one more chance, one more chance, one more chance, hoping it will work out and perhaps deluding themselves about the other (and themself).
This phenomenon is due to post break up shagging and is often alcohol induced. Seriously though, relations after the break up never work on any level(not right away). There must be some time for total separation and space, this is difficult because old habits die hard. There are so many reasons for your ex to contact you, like they forgot their nail clippers at your place. I don’t know what the deal is with your friend, but taking him back several times sends a message to him that he can do whatever he wants and get away with it or vice versa.
I know for myself, there is no make up from a break up.
If i break up with someone, there is usually very good reasons (ie prolonged issues, and i dont take this action lightly)
Because of this, I dont give second chances.
Too bad, dan2006. Guess you’ll never know if it’s true what they say about make-up sex.
Friends of mine,they broke-up for several times.But made up later.
Broke-up or made-up is up to his gf.
She liked broke-up and made-up later.
I think there has to be change in at least one person for this to work. Change within brings about change without. Sometimes a serious break-up can act as a hard slap to the face that wakes you up to taking a good look at yourself and what - or who - you truly want in life.
I know many people who broke up for several months then got back together to live very happily ever after. I guess it can be a way of giving yourself and the other person the space to know for sure that this relationship is truly the one.
Having said that, please don’t break up with me, SuchAFob. I just couldn’t take it. 
Back before we were married, my girlfriend and I broke up in order to do our own things. A year later we both realized that we were right together, and have been happy ever since. We’ve been together around 10 years now.
Regarding the subject of this thread, the popular paraphrase of Marx comes to mind: “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.”
Psyche 101.
Humans are creatures of habit. Even if it means making the same mistakes over and over again. Until one acclimates oneself to the pain. Whereby the stimulus it still there, it is just the brain is trained to not register it as negative.
I split up with someone once. Changed my mind and he took me back. Only so he could dump me for some ginger beest, three months later. Major. Fucking. Mistake. Pride through the sausage machine.
Never concede the psychic upper hand.
Relationships maybe have more than one break-ups, but how do people make them up, getting the girls or boys back?
Humans are not meant for lifelong relationships. We are built evolutionarily to be serial monogamists. Only kids keep us together.
If you really loved someone, you’d never break up with them. You’d fight them, of course. But would you really find someone you loved better, than your one true love? Then it ain’t “true” love then. You two are together through the glue of children. I’ve seen this happen many, many times before…if there are NO kids, there is NO long-term, lifelong relationship. You can leave any time. And most people do, once it gets boring. But if there is a kid…even if they hate each other, they have to work together to make it work. Marriages are based on pregnancy. That’s the way it was with my folks’ …I’m not ashamed to admit that. If you’re honest, that’s the way it was with your folks, too, and 90% of the human race. People stick together because of kids. If I ever knock a girl up, I’ll “man up” and do the right thing…just like my father, and your father, did the same thing. No sane man ever gets married for any other reason.
I think you have to know “Why they break up” first.
Q:
My grandfather’s sister and her husband were married for 60+ years with no kids.
Quentin, just because you don’t believe in true love doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. My parents are still in love with each other, so much that they write each other love letters when one of them is away for only one day.
[quote=“SuchAFob”]Q:
My grandfather’s sister and her husband were married for 60+ years with no kids.[/quote]
My grandparents too.
[quote=“Stray Dog”][quote=“SuchAFob”]Q:
My grandfather’s sister and her husband were married for 60+ years with no kids.[/quote]
My grandparents too.[/quote]
Hang on, there’s something not right about that.
HG
I think it’s good to be aware of what drives you to be together (‘hidden’ motives). Today I came across this very interesting article on how people decide / think / are biased etc.
http://www.healthbolt.net/2007/02/14/26-reasons-what-you-think-is-right-is-wrong/
Not all of them apply here, but take for example these few:
Choice-supportive bias
Confirmation bias
Disconfirmation bias
Hyperbolic discounting
Loss aversion
Outcome bias
Selective perception
Status quo bias
So as the article states:
“Get out there and delude yourself!” 