Do I have any legal recourse to see my son?

Legal Legal - Divorce
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I left Taiwan a few months ago because I needed psychiatric treatment.

My depression and anxiety was so bad I could literally not leave the house for a year, and all the doctors in Taiwan were doing is throwing ever increasing amounts of different drugs at me.

Massive doses of benzodiazepines, anti depression meds, anti psychotics (although I’ve never been psychotic).

I could barely function. Lay in bed the whole day drugged out of existence.

When I got back to my home country I was and am still in a really bad state.

I have had some treatments not offered in Taiwan, as I felt I needed to try anything to get better.

Over the course of the time I’ve been back I’ve been able to slowly get off most of the six drugs I was prescribed, but suffer from massive withdrawls.

My mental health was the main reason my wife wanted a divorce.

The main problem I have is that I am not working at the moment due to my health and therefore not in a position to send my ex alimony monthly.

I do send when I can (I get a private disability payment, but it’s not enough).

I end up saving some of my disability for a bit and then sending it through to her.

Now she won’t let me speak to my son.

I try to get hold of him online (but she controls all the apps), the house phone, her mobile. I try to get hold of him probably ten times a day

He’s too young to have a phone of his own.

When I have been able to speak to him, he’s always been happy to talk to me and we have a long chat, but it’s been months.

My intention is to return to Taiwan once I am able to and be with my son.

Before I left I spoke to my ex wife’s father who told me that he understood why I needed to go and that he would look after my son financially.I sent the message he sent me to my ex, who won’t respond to it.

I have tried reaching out to him, but he seems to have blocked me.

Although I think it’s a stretch, do I have any legal recourse?

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Your wife has basically abducted your son, so yes. First, save all your interactions with your wife and don’t say anything rash to her no matter how tempting it may be (because expect she might also be saving your messages). For the rest, I’d suggest @Marco help you. He’s good with the legal advice and recommendations. You definitely need to lawyer up.

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2 posts were split to a new topic: Not legal advice

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In most cases, medicine addresses the symptoms, but we must make changes to our lifestyle to address the cause.

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That seems like a lot. You should step back and work on yourself. Are you in therapy now?

No judgement. I did six years and now I’m on parole. :laughing:

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Gee, thanks for that.

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You probably do, but I doubt lawyering up is going to do anything for your finances or for your health, unless you’re lucky enough to find someone who’ll help you pro bono.

You appear to be well on the way to recovery. If your ex-wife won’t listen, I suggest writing your FIL - if you’re on good terms with him - explaining again what you’re doing to get your life back together and that you hope he can mediate when the time is right. You might also mention that what you want most is for your son to grow up with a normal relationship with his father - as normal as possible under the circumstances - and that you are avoiding any legal proceedings for that reason. Then let it drop for a while. Leave it to your FIL to explain why dad can’t call, and perhaps write letters to your son for your FIL to pass on. Even if he can’t actually do that right now, at least your son will get them later and realise that you never forgot about him.

I believe there are also mediation organisations that help with this sort of thing. You could try the Tsuei Ma Ma foundation - they have a legal advice section and although they focus mostly on property disputes, they might be able to point you in the right direction.

https://www.tmm.org.tw/

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This is why there needs to be a written marriage contract. These things would all be spelled out in advance and no man in his right mind would “get married” without one.

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Yeah, I do keep all interactions with her saved. Hopefully one day my son will see how she is behaving.

Thanks for the reply.

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My father in law is useless. He has blocked me on Line, and that’s my only way of contacting him.

He is unfortunately the poster boy for passive aggressive behavior.

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That’s why I’m trying to get off all my medication. But it’s a long process.

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Today she sent me a mail saying I can only call him on Facetime because “that’s what everyone else does”

She knows I don’t have an iPhone and the call would go through her phone anyway, as I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have one either.

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It’s pretty difficult for me to step back, as I love my son with all my heart.

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I can totally understand her. Keep writing letters but get your life back into order first priority.
Your unable to provide for your son and she is rightly pissed of. Get your life together and she will likely change.

I know this sounds harsh, but the main reason I personally don’t want to have kids is that I live dangerous sports and could not mentally do them if I have kids (and yes I could pay for life insurance covering the financial side, but dropping out in person I can not solve so no kids for me). It you decide for kids you should have the means to be able to support them financially and mentally for the next 20 years no matter what (and be able to pay for life insurance covering you if you have any kind of accident). It’s you who chooses to have kids, not kids choosing you/choosing to be born.

Taiwanese women usually are very materialistic. As soon as you can pay a fair share again she will likely restore your access to your son. Fair as in to provide 50% of your son’s cost for the lifestyle that was envisioned when you decided to have kids/had your life together). Maybe you could even get back with your ex if you show you removed the reason for divorce and are stable again.

Her deciding to limit you to facetime lay also be a way of saying get yourself in order to afford a iPhone or make good friends borrowing you an iPhone for the regular calls.

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Destroying a parent-child relationship in order to punish a mentally ill ex-spouse is the sort of evil that explains why Hell exists.

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Denying someone access to their child is unacceptable and highly damaging for everyone involved. Unless there’s some kind of abuse involved only a very bitter/nasty person would do it.

Having said that, as usual we are only getting one side of the story here

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Agreed that you guys are only getting one side.

I’ve never in anyway abused my ex wife or my child. I do admit that my illness must have caused damage, but I do not see this as abuse.

I don’t think her telling me to get an iPhone is in any way telling me to improve my life.

Firstly, I would rather send my son the money.

Secondly, what is the difference if I Facetime or call by what’s app? They are both essentially the same as far as I know?

My ex wife is very materialistic.

Once we went to Europe and I was fine with my one heavy winter jacket.

She insisted on two more branded jackets so when photos were taken I was not in the same jacket.

She used to buy me fake brands from China and used to tell me not to tell anyone they came from China (I am sort of a Steve Jobs dresser, black tee’s and blue jeans daily).

On this note, when we got divorced, I noticed one of the mentioned jackets was missing out of my stuff, I asked her about it. She told me she took it back and she had a right to, as she bought it for me.

When I asked for some rings my mom gave her, she stated that “they were a gift” and would not give them back. These are family heirlooms.

She is very spoilt by her parents. They have bought her all her cars, as well as two apartments. They have apartments where they allow her to collect rent from.

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Well so it’s very clear - get your life and finances in order by getting a good job, or you will be excluded from your sons life. Simple as that.

And it’s pretty normal for women in China/Taiwan to divorce/break up if you earn/have less money than they do or cannot otherwise provide for status. If you dropped out with mental problems - it’s clear for her that you decided to break up any agreements.

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You keep giving examples of how wealthy the ex and her family are. Why would they need or value your few hundred dollars? :idunno: