I have tried language exchange numerous times. It seemed like every time, my LE partner was serious about learning English and not dating, despite what I’ve heard about how it usually leads to dating. Most of the times I’ve had language exchanges, it came from the other girl contacting me from an ad I posted. But I’ve gotten a few requests from girls for language exchange after we met in-person and they said they wanted to improve their English.
I just wanted to know what your guys’ experiences are? I’ve heard many foreign guys say that their LE partners made it obvious that they were interested in dating. Maybe it’s because I’m Asian-American, not white, that these girls don’t seem to be interested in dating?
I’ve also met LE partners who were very serious about practicing English. But, basically, if you get on well enough with someone to have a good chat and a laugh, foreign language or no, and look forward to meeting them next time, it’s sort of natural to want to exchange some bodily fluids as well. IMO. It happens a lot. Apparently.
LE is very like dating anyway, except that you have to keep stopping to check the dictionary.
well, reading between the lines, it sounds like the OP wants his LE to lead to “dating”.
When I’ve tried LE, it usually involves going somewhere nice to eat and/or drink and having a conversation (in both languages), which might occasionally degenerate into flirting, especially if alcohol is involved. Isn’t this what’s meant by “dating?”. So basically the dating bit is already taken care of. What the OP means, I think, is having sex. He’d probably have more success with that if he didn’t use euphemisms.
On a side note, I’d say LE is pointless unless you are able to hold a reasonably meaningful conversation in your target language. Otherwise it’s just boring (for both of you) and there’s definitely going to be no dating involved.
LE is a cover for dating in a lot of cases… but not always, that’s ridiculous.
I think the OPs problem is being an ABC. It seems common in my experience that LE attracts a lot of women who only date “foreigners” (AKA not ethnically Asian people). It’s foolish IMO. (Alright, I just wanted to sneak another acronym in there…)
Yes, I would like LE to lead to dating. I’ve had many LE’s so far, maybe with 5-10 different partners and what’s happened is that the partner brought her friends along, they flaked, or I thought it was a waste of time and stopped. But none of them seemed interested in dating me. Either they were serious about improving their English or they were very shy to speak in English so we spoke in Chinese, despite my broken Chinese. However, I have gotten some dates by just asking straight up if they wanted to meet for dinner or drinks as opposed to saying if they wanted to have a LE
If you want LE to lead to dating you are cheating the girls who are looking for language exchange, when you find out they don’t want to date you won’t see the again? You should just go on a dating site or go to the clubs, if you want a date why pretend to want language exchange?
If a woman brings along a friend she’s probably checking you out to make sure you’re not a psycho killer.
Personally I think you’re better off using regular dating sites than trying the LE gambit. Or you can keep trying… but dedicate yourself to LE first and dating second. Learn some damn Chinese and if some sparks start flying, great. If not, you’ll still learning something. That’s how most people seem to do it.
All that being said, the fact that you’re cheating people out of legitimate LE kind of warms my heart. Speaking as a white guy who hasn’t used LE as a cover for dating I’ve certainly had a lot of my time wasted by Taiwanese people who weren’t forthright about their intentions. Eventually I got sick of the whole thing… I’m just not into the meek and mousey ways of most people on this beautiful island.
Have that experience. I think for some women they originally hoped to go in the direction of living abroad and related items like foreign boyfriend or even husband. Therefore, they were studying English. Meanwhile, they are definitely not against the possibility of the LE partner might become more than just LE partner.
No. As a woman I’ve done LE with several different Taiwanese ladies who told me that they now only do LE with other women because they were sick of being hit on by skeevy dudes who just wanted to date them. The girls were just interested in practicing the language and some of the guys they met were clearly not. I think it’s best to go in with an open mind – if it turns out to be something more, then great, but if not, also great, as you’ve made a new friend. If you go in with the sole intent of finding a gf/hook-up, the girl can probably tell right away and might be creeped out.
Spot on. Viewing LE as a way to meet women is a bit weird. As others have said, it’s completely unfair to those who genuinely want to practice the language (and remember, they’re giving their time to help you practice too).
If you get on especially well, who knows what might happen. But don’t do it with the specific intent to get laid.
OP… How fast do you want things to happen? How far have you carried on exchanges with those girls serious about language exchanges? How savy are you about dating girls back home? I’m very interested about your history. Sorry, I live in the backwoods and don’t get much interaction with the outside world.
The fact that you got a girl who is serious about language exchange and actually knows how to exchange is a blessing. You should be grateful and yes, it is like a date. A girl chose to spend time with you and it is someone who can help you understand the culture, music art and whatever that you are surrounded by every day. If it is a real exchange, she can help you understand Chinese.
As for dating… in the course of exchanging languages, you are talking about things. Hobbies? Exhibitions? Concerts Sports? Don’t opportunities experience these things together come up? Even if you little field trip turns out to be a group event, are you saying that you can’t find a minute to share a laugh with one of them and manage to get a date for ice cream or something on the side.
Are you looking for sex or a lasting relationship.
Can’t you find a date without F’ing around with your students? After her contract ends and she is no longer a student, well, ok. But hitting on, or letting her hit on, will lose a student. If your doing privates, no pun intended, this can be costly and if at a bushiban, “JUST SAY NO”