Hello! This is a poem of mine, but I’m afraid it does sound strange or cringy. Unfortunately I have to keep it this short and I can’t add other hanzi to make it more fluid. What do you think? Would you correct this?
Thank you so much
我还活着，就在此时此地
在有形的以太中加速不动
我梦想着永恒的生或死
Why have you written it in simplified characters?
Not only is the grammar perfect, the poem itself is pretty decent as far as Modern Chinese poetry go.
It’d be better if you use the correct characters.
我還活著，就在此時此地
在有形的以太中加速不動
我夢想著永恆的生或死
Well, I guess one thing to do is to try and translate it into English. This is what I get:
I’m living, in this time and place
when, with form, by… something …speed up without moving
I dream of the eternal life or death
Not really sure what you’re doing with that 以 in the second line. And I don’t feel great about using 永恆 to describe 生或死.
Then again, better than anything I could do.
以太 is ether.
Oh right, it’s a poem about chemistry. Nice.
Check out the big brain on Brett
Don’t shoot me bro…
I thought it’s a poem about falling into a black hole. The person falling in would be pulled apart by the black hole in an instant, but to observers from the outside probably it would seem like the person is stuck in place for eternity due to time dilation, even though the person falling in would technically be accelerating towards the event horizon.
And here I was thinking it’s about a mushroom trip.
The original English version is in the link, verbs - Translation of a poem, gerund form of 加速 - Chinese Language Stack Exchange
The Chinese makes more sense than the English.