Done with living in TW

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
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I think the TW I’m living in is not what most of you experience. But I’m just kind of done with it. I’ve been living here for over 10 years. It was great in the beginning—a stable job, easy living, somewhat living in ignorance, just being a foreigner, and meeting some nice girls on the way.

TW seemed like a safe and nice place. I had no beef with anyone.

Then I got more serious, got married, had kids, and things just got darker and darker from there. Now I live in surrounding where everyone is selfish, envious, gossipy, and downright hateful. All TWese seem out for each other, hustling, cheating and backstabbing.

Tho, I know that’s not what everyone experiences—I see happy families having gatherings and caring for each other—but I can’t actually imagine how that is.

The family I’m in has gotten off the rails. My wife’s mother is dead (cancer 4yo ago), and her father is kinda MIA (being a monk somewhere in the mountains). Her little brother apparently knows everything but spends all of his $33k income on mobile games. Her little sister is in a legal battle with my wife over the house we’re living in, whereas her sister has won the support of the aunts and uncles.

My wife has broken my relationships with my friends and is sour toward my family. I have failed my kids (8 & 6 yo) who are not proud of being only half TW, unless they get compliments on their looks. They like to argue and shout with their mother and ignore any common sense. But I’m the bad guy when I raise my voice.

I’ve been trying to keep a good spin on it all, for the sake of peace at home, but I can’t deal with it any more.

Sorry for the rant. But I need to get it out to see how ridiculous it is (or is it?). Feel free to share how good your experience here is. It helps me put things into perspective.

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Sounds like it’s more of a family issue rather than your location.

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My missus is always the one raising her voice.
I’m mostly the calm guy who doesn’t get too mad when the children have verbal fights with each other. She gets mad at me for not scolding them.
I’m like all siblings are like that when young.

Stay positive. Look at the good things in life. My children are half, but don’t shy away from it. We always joke about it when we can.

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Sure, mostly a family issue.

Also professionally I’m done with working with TWese. Those fresh out of school developers that were promoted to senior level within one year but still couldn’t solve simple problems, text book thinkers, 2 hours nappers, 5pm meetings that don’t get to a point until after 6pm, and oh those poor overtime workers that could go home on time if they’d do their work on time… Trustworthy and talented workers are just a few and far between.

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Sounds like you need a vacation… just my humble opinion.

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You’ve just listed a number of things that annoy me about the work culture that I’ve never quite put my finger on. Especially the mid afternoon siestas everyone seems to take at their desks here… in the US you’d get some serious side eye from your boss for pulling a George Costanza and snoozing while on the clock. Especially if it was a daily thing.

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How?

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I’d assume by pressuring him not to see them because she doesn’t like them.

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I’ve met quite a few foreigners whose Taiwanese partners do this. I wonder just how common it is.

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No need to apologize. I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.

After ten years, I started doing stuff for me. Started scuba diving, took the wife and son on vacation movie type trips to the Philippines. I carved out my personal space.

As for work, yeah, it’s amazing the lights go on sometimes. :laughing:

Sounds like your wife is in quite a spot btw. Compassion is good, but I wouldn’t dare try “fixing” whatever is broken in her clan. I’d keep them at arm’s length.

And this place is great for venting. Just don’t get bent out of shape when someone tells you something you don’t wanna hear. :wink:

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I’d say it’s common. But hey, you didn’t come here to assimilate. Lol I knew a guy whose wife called us up at midnight to bitch that I was drinking beers with her husband! In a bar!

In the background I heard, “I’m sorry jd. I’m leaving her.”

Dunno if he did, but I never heard from him again.

Good thing we got that beer in!

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This

Taiwanese family relationships are sometimes difficult to understand. I’ve noticed my in-laws are often the closest to the people they lie to the most.

My rant about the near end of my marriage is on here somewhere. About a year and half ago I was in a similar rut except we don’t have kids. I ended up moving to my own house for about 6 months and then we were able to work things out.
About a year after that we decided to leave Taiwan, mostly because of what working here is like. I knew I would never make as much or be comfortable in a job. He knew that he was going to be stuck working for his lying cheating relatives (that he is close to? Still don’t get it) if he didn’t leave
In saying that we will probably be back to Taiwan when we get to a point where working is optional for us.

So I guess my recommendation is don’t leave Taiwan while things are down. When things get up again, make a decision (with or without your wife)

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Idk if it’s because it’s more common to complain about issues or what. But my Taiwanese family is nothing like what people describe. We are really close and get along. My significant other is very accepted as well and absolutely no issues.

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My wife and I have people who are friends to both of us and friends who are friends to one of us. Everyone should have their own friends and hey if your partner doesn’t like all of them, tough luck. You can’t like everyone but you can be courteous.

Thing is let’s say you wanted to move wife and kids to another country? Is she going to go with that? Mine has lived overseas and when we got together I asked her given a choice where did she want to live and that was in her home village in the mountains. I had nothing to lose and a lot to gain. I get along great with her brother who worked for me for several years and her mother. MIL is in fact a barrel of laughs, good sense of humour, happy her daughter doesn’t have the baggage of me having parents or siblings in Taiwan.

You say your wife wants to quit working and then depend on your finances. That’s nice of her lol. Financial stress in a marriage is the worst kind of stress and you have two kids to still raise. I’m lucky I got a business that flourished over time and we have a moderate income.

I don’t know what makes us tick along nicely together. I hope not to examine what’s working well. We do things together and do things on our own. Like JD I do stuff for me. Scuba Diving several times a year overseas. My wife has her own vacations with a soul mate since young child hood. Best buddies… One rule in our marriage, we do not discuss our personal matters outside of the home. Not on social media not anywhere.

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This is pretty spot on in many instances. One issue is almost the opposite one is that of people being in powerful positions based on how long they were in the company rather than how good they are at their job or just because of guanxi.

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Wait, among the many other issues, did the OP say that?

Guy

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Get out of Taipei. People are like that in every big city in the world. Come down south.

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Healthier than injecting yourself with caffeine every day. Mandatory nap times are also a thing in schools here BTW.

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In the other thread about his overseas income and wife wanting to stop work but he doesn’t declare his overseas income… he has APRC…

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OK sorry I have not read every thread on this site. :joy:

Carry on.

Guy

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