What does it mean when at least once per week you have dreams about a girlfriend you haven’t seen in seventeen years?
Details:
She broke it off with me, and it threw me for a loop at the time, though eventually I came to see that it was for the best, and I admired her foresight.
I’ve loved only two women in my life. First her, and now my wife.
The dreams are sometimes urgently sexual, to the point of congress. Meaning, they’re that good. Other times I meet her in familiar places, but there is an understanding that she has a husband and kids now, so there is only some vague talking before she goes on her way.
Just last night I had the most meta-meta-dream I’ve ever had: I met her as she came out of the bathroom of the house I lived in when I was ten (which she has never been to, if that matters), and I said to her: “You know, you actually show up in my dreams sometimes.” Is that freaky, or what? But it gets better: I “woke up,” but not really, and thought: I dreamed about her. But I was still dreaming. Finally, when I woke up this morning, I thought, yet again: I dreamed about her.
You’re just fondly remembering your younger days when you could shag more than once a week.
If the dreams persist, try counting sheep (or sheep poodles).
It means that you’ve been separated from your one true love for 17 years? Your brain is telling you that you’re not getting enough porn, so it’s making up for it with your erotic dreams?
I don’t have the answers, but I have some questions that might help you get started on the right path.
This question is going to sound like a joke, but it’s not: Was it good for her, too? Was she really a part of all this, or did she fade away to an abstraction in the heat of things?
Are any of these familiar places in Taiwan?
In real life does she have a husband and kids? In your dream, are you aware of being married yourself? If so, how do you feel about it (in your dream)?
In your dream, how do you feel when she “goes on her way”? Think carefully about this.
What associations do you have with this house? When you think of it now, what are you reminded of?
In your dream, how did you feel about having dreamt of her?
Before these dreams, did anything remind you of her recently?
Great questions, cranky laowai. Have you studied dream analysis?
Porcelainprincess, I have recurring dreams about one ex as well. Nothing sexual, we left on great terms, and I never think of the person when I’m awake. Just one of those things you can’t explain.
Since my anonymity is assured, I’ll be candid with my answers:
This question is going to sound like a joke, but it’s not: Was it good for her, too? Was she really a part of all this, or did she fade away to an abstraction in the heat of things?[/quote]
She was all there, no fading away into abstraction. As to whether it was good for her in my dream, well, I’m not sure I have the answer for that, save for this: she keeps showing up, doesn’t she?
Are any of these familiar places in Taiwan?[/quote]
No, she’s from a period of my life before I had any inkling that I would come to Taiwan, so there’s no connection with Formosa whatsover. My wife, on the other hand, is Taiwanese.
Yes, she has a husband and kids in real life. Yes, I’m aware of being married in my dream. Do I feel guilty about our shenanigans? No, not at all. I believe that while the dream is occurring I’m somewhat aware that it is indeed a dream, so that it doesn’t really matter, that there are no real consequences.
I feel nothing in particular. No longing or sadness. I accept it completely. She has to go back to her life, and I to mine.
What associations do you have with this house? When you think of it now, what are you reminded of?[/quote]
Just being a 10-year-old kid, mostly. Childhood. Innocence.
In your dream, how did you feel about having dreamt of her?[/quote]
I think I thought it was something notable, so when she happened to appear I felt I needed to mention it to her. The dreams are, and the dreams-in-the-dream were, very enjoyable, so it was a happy thing to mention it to her.
No. I think about her now and again. My best answer about all of this, candidly, is that while most aspects of my relationship with my wife are good, the sexual side is not one of them: after ten years we rarely, if ever, have sex. I’m talking once or twice per year, now. This is partly due to specific medical conditions that my wife is now suffering from, and partly from a complete lack of interest on her part. Suffice it to say that I really miss that aspect of a relationship, and think back longingly to a time when I was 22 years old, when the girlfriend now appearing in my dreams and I would have the kind of soul-stirring all-night romps that, erm, dreams are made of. I’m not ready to go gently into that long sexual good night yet. My wife has suggested I seek out other women, that she wouldn’t mind at all, but I don’t think I’m that kind of guy.
Even if you consciously think about a girlfriend from the past every day of your life I don’t think it means anything other than that person was important to you and you still think about them. Even if the recollections are very vivid, it does not necessarily mean there is any consequence for your life now. The relationship seems to have ended without closure, which is now impossible to obtain, so you are likely to have these dreams for ever. I would think that is normal, and that it is normal to turn them over in your head during your waking hours and rationalise them. Do you have conscious thoughts along these lines or just dreams? I suspect that as we get older it is normal to seek meaning from various important events in life and as this r’ship was important you will go through a period of sorting it into its proper perspective in your life. When that process finishes you might stop dreaming about her, but I would imagine you would continue to have conscious thoughts about her from time to time, if you are now. Before getting into too heavy a psychoanalysis session perhaps you might like to reflect on whether this dream has been precipitated by a sudden recent event. If not, then it is likely a natural and normal process and its prominence in your thoughts will rise and fall depending on your circumstances. In my professional opinion as a drunkard it is normal and I would only be worried if it were causing you undue stress such as would prevent you from getting a round in.
if children aren’t involved, discuss divorce in which you will remain close friends. then start up an active sex life again with someone else. just reading your posts, i get the impression you wouldn’t really be satisfied with casual sex, or ‘getting a little on the side’. but then again i never was a good judge of men…
Normally the way this would work is we would go through a lot more back and forth. But this isn’t really the best forum for that sort of approach to this particular question. And, anyway, this doesn’t sound so complicated after all.
Based on your answers this sounds like a basic wish-fulfillment dream (win the lottery, be famous, get laid, etc.) – nothing to worry about in itself. And given your circumstances who could blame you?
I don’t think this has much to do with feelings for your old girlfriend that need to be dealt with. I see the presence in the dream of someone you know and care[d] for as not troubling but as basically positive. If you were having (enough) sex with the person you love, you probably wouldn’t be having these dreams of sex with someone you loved. (Or at least not so many of them.) In other words, this doesn’t seem like a sign of someone who doesn’t really love his wife or who is still hung up in a really bad way with someone from many years ago. I don’t think you should feel guilty about these dreams with regard to your wife or troubled about your inner self. But of course you still have a problem in your marriage, and you two need to figure out some way to resolve that, preferably in a way that won’t sabotage having things work out for the best in the long run.
But I just used to hang out with some shrinks in training and did volunteer crisis-line counseling for a few years, so that doesn’t make me any kind of authority. I’m not a psychologist, so don’t simply accept my ideas as The Truth, esp. if something about them doesn’t ring true to you.
Your willingness to question yourself and address this honestly speaks well of you and of your ability to address the situation. Best of luck.
I dreamed about Arnold Swartzenegger. He was an orderly at an old-folks home and was taking care of some close relative of mine. (A relative I didn’t recognize.) Arnold was physically abusive due to jealosy of an unspecified cause. The dream ended with Arnold walking over a hill and down to the beach where we were. His body was badly wrinkled and he was kind of melting before our eyes. This was due to steroid abuse.
[quote=“Dr. McCoy”]I dreamed about Arnold Swartzenegger. He was an orderly at an old-folks home and was taking care of some close relative of mine. (A relative I didn’t recognize.) Arnold was physically abusive due to jealosy of an unspecified cause. The dream ended with Arnold walking over a hill and down to the beach where we were. His body was badly wrinkled and he was kind of melting before our eyes. This was due to steroid abuse.
I can’t imagine what it means.[/quote]
I am not an expert, but I think this could mean either of two things. Either you don’t like Arnold, or he doesn’t like you!
When I remember a dream (once or twice a year), there’s usually a train. I’m usually being chased by giant animals on a train while I try to find personal items. Why are some things cool if they’re in a computer game but not if you’re alone in the dark?
BC, if it’s an oft repeated dream. You ought to be cool next time it happens. Don’t get worked up. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a scary dream. Maybe those animals are running from sth. else. Maybe you are supposed to find your glasses and stop and look at what’s happening. Let the dream run its course, wait for what happens next?? I am serious here. Oft repeated dreams really are trying to tell you sth. And I think they recur, coz there’s more. The dream wantsto show you more but you are afraid to go further.
I am not an expert, but I think this could mean either of two things. Either you don’t like Arnold, or