There’s probably been a similar thread somewhere, but I’m feeling too lazy to search…so feel free to move this to that one.
So I was at my editing job today and had this to edit:
[context: childrens esl book; for young learners]
“It’s dangerous to play with your balls near windows.”
Aside from the obvious humor, thought it was hilarious once I tried to visualize the situation one would be in for that advice to be true. Yeah, I think it would be pretty dangerous… 
Can anyone top that!?
oZzo
GEPT practice test material.
Man: I want to give my wife a pearl necklace for her birthday.
I didn’t change it 
One Taiwanese ad I edited years ago listed a series of accomplishments that the company was trying to tout. Instead, they worded it as if it were a series of failures:
“We could have created XXX. We could have invented YYY. We could have accomplished ZZZ.”
Seems they thought “could have” meant “was/were able to”.
PEARL NECKLACE!! 
Hilarious! That tops mine by far. I vote you the winner so far. 
oZzo
I was editing a practice dialogue for a dictionary. The dictionary was divided into sections; the one for “farm animals” included “cock” instead of rooster. The helpful illustrative sentences were, once it was established that “Holly” was on a farm: “Holly was woken up by a big cock every morning. The huge, naughty cock …”
I did change it.
On the other hand, clearly it was a native speaker of English who wrote it in the first place. Maybe I should have let him have his fun.
By the way, has “pearl necklace” become taboo? Can we no longer claim to want one?
[quote]
By the way, has “pearl necklace” become taboo? Can we no longer claim to want one?[/quote]
When a man is about to ejaculate he, on special occasions, may choose, rather than to
Should you need more information on “pearl necklaces”, I’m sure Google Image Search will be more than helpful
This is what comes from watching too many Japanese porn videos. In actuality, Japanese women HATE this practice, which their menfolk learn from these AV porn vids, and the entire thing is just for “show.” It is not in any stretch of the imagination a real sexual position. It is pure Japanese video shite.
[quote=“Rik”]When a man is about to ejaculate he, on special occasions, may choose, rather than to
BUMP! (sorry…stories like this is what makes me want to continue coming into work)
Recent ones to add, as I remember…
Her favorite food is fried children. (instead of fried chicken)
He loves his red panties. (no idea what they were thinking on that one. Remember, children’s book.)
FYI …
Pearl necklace, a necklace made of pearl
“Pearl Necklace” sexual act
“Pearl Necklace” (song), a song by ZZ Top
“Pearl Necklace”, a song by Morisson Poe featured on Perfect Dark Zero
Depends on how your brain is wired I suppose …
Some of the words I’ve had to translate:
Consecrator
Leering (a real word, but it shouldn’t be in an engineering document)
Instartcue
Coverts
Some of the phrases:
Disposed rotatingly
Flow back reversely
Also existed in the three dimensional space
Surroundingly disposed
Once I edited an ad for an automatic toilet with a built-in bidet function. The ad used the word “anus” several times: “to clean the anus”, “bathes the anus with medicated water”, etc.
“Surroundingly disposed” shows up in numerous patents. It may not sound too natural in the everyday world, but then, “patent speech” is not the everyday world!
What does a bidet clean, then?
One’s derriere, of course.
Oh, I once edited a report which discussed the boob value of a company. 
Did you change it to “arse”?
Did you change it to “arse”?[/quote]
Don’t be so stupid. Chocolate starfish or rusty sheriff’s badge is the preferred nomenclature. Pooper in a pinch.
or for some others: muscatel grape cluster, furry operculum, hidden target, cellphone holder, etc.
I had a resume to edit this one time. Half a page of school and qualifications, followed by five full pages about the mausoleum the guy wants to build in his own honour, complete with staffing levels, monthly costs, interiors, a description of the surrounding gardens, the lot. Bloke was around 35 years old in low-to-mid management.
I had a resume to edit this one time. Half a page of school and qualifications, followed by five full pages about the mausoleum the guy wants to build in his own honour, complete with staffing levels, monthly costs, interiors, a description of the surrounding gardens, the lot. Bloke was around 35 years old in low-to-mid management.