Ex withdraws cash from children's policy

Hello armchair legal consultants,

Pull out the popcorn and get ready for a lengthy read. I’m sure this will be the first of many posts to come…

I’m well aware that I should get proper legal advice, but before I do I’d like to hear the greater Formosa thoughts. So without further adieu:

I’ll set the stage: kids ages 14, 11, and 7 live with their mother during the week and me on weekends. She lives in a nice part of Taipei with good schools, which is why I don’t want her moving. I left in 2019, divorced in 2021.

Quick back story: my ex has always been terrible with money – it’s an even longer story and the primary reason we are divorced. No nice shoes, clothes, perfume, or jewelry. She either gives it away, gambles, or is so completely irresponsible and shops solely at 711 for a family of 4 because she’s too lazy to walk 2 blocks to the grocery store. She’s a chronic liar, her story constantly changes, and she always withholds crucial information. Because of her prior failures with money management I pay for all the important aspect of the children’s life – her rent, their school, lunch, clothes, uniform, and activities fees. If I did not, they wouldn’t get paid, or only half paid, as she does with her monthly cellphone bill. (Once she’s been cut off, she goes and pays half the bill to get reconnected, incurres interest on the debt, and continues the cycle. Her monthly phone bill is over 6k?!?) the landlord threatened to evict her after not paying 3 and a half months rent – of course I bailed her out, or kids would be homeless (well, they could live with me, but I’m far from their school)

Been divorced almost 4 years - I wrote the divorce agreement, gave myself 100% custody of 3 kids and paid her nt200k alimony. (She sold out the kids for NT200,000?!?!) Once she found out she wasn’t eligible for government subsidies as a single mother, she went to a satellite household registration location and convinced and elderly man there that I consented to 50/50. After discovering this and learning it had legal implications, I got her to give me back full custody. We negotiated 50/50 again after, and she gave me back 100k from the alimony.
I took that 100k, went to her sister, brother-in-law, and mother, who work in the insurance industry (and all live together), and took out a policy for our 3 kids. The idea was I pay the first year, and then the ex and I put in 50/50 for the next 5 years.
Year 1 – 100% me - alimony money
Year 2 – 50/50
Year 3 – 66 me/33 her
This was to be year 4, and as you can see I paid more last year, because of confusion that, now looking back, was probably all orchestrated. Of course she promised to pay 66% this year…

End of October is when we pay. The brother-in-law sent out a message to our Line group notifying us. My ex was to transfer her share (66%) into my account, and from there it’s withdraw from the insurance company – as per usual.
Shortly after the first message, the brother-in-law messages again, this time suggesting we terminate the contract and invest independently. Confused about the sudden change in course, I began to discover my ex was the sole policy holder (though I thought we both were) and that in the summer she took out 30k from the policy, and 20k more in September. Apparently she needed money, went to her mother – who is tired of her constantly claiming to be broke - and she told my ex to take it out of the policy.

Thursday night I spoke with the brother-in-law and he went that evening to get my ex to sign the termination papers.

I managed to get back ¾ of my money, she gets another 20k (why I don’t know) and the rest is presumably lost to penalties and fees… I’ve asked for an official statement, but haven’t received one yet.

So, here are my questions. Does this behavior constitute poor enough decision making on the part of the mother that I could get 100% custody back? Is the family somehow culpable in this situation? The brother-in-law knew this was a joint venture for our kids…and the mother-in-law giving my ex the idea she could take money out of the policy wasn’t very smart. The sister is the manager and must have known what’s up… did they just all scam me? Is there anything I can do at all in this situation?

Looking forward to your thoughtful and constructive feedback.

D&G

Bad mistake. Should have hired a lawyer to set up the policy for the kids, who double checks everything. Especially that it is not in her name… Don’t let in-laws do this. They will be on her side no matter how bad she is.
I think it could be difficult to do much, unless you want to implicate in-laws in another fraud case. Then good luck dealing with them in the future.

That’s fraud. Should have hired a lawyer to push against it and get it reversed.

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For the sake of the kids (who presumably will continue to have relationships with the ex and her family), I would probably just write the losses off and resolve not to make similar mistakes again in the future. It seems clear that the ex can’t be trusted when it comes to anything even tangentially related to money, and this needs to be taken into account in all future financial planning for the kids.

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Decided to go against getting a lawyer, was still successful getting it reversed. There’s a post about it in my message history…she’s a dolt

In the end, it’s merely money. There is a river of money to be had, so don’t let this get you down.

However, FUCK your in-laws. Never, ever, I repeat EVER have any type of money dealings with your in-laws. And I don’t only mean you specifically, I mean anybody. Just don’t have any monetary dealings with family members as it never bodes well in the end.

Keep a cordial, but distant relationship with the in-laws for the sake of the kids, but that’s it.

As for the 100% custody thingy. I’d get my ass down to HHR and square that away immediately. Total fraud. You have a copy of the original agreement, ensure that it is enforced.

That is all.

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Big edit - sorry to anyone who read the earlier remarks… Things have changed.

After speaking with my Taiwanese friend, and brainstorming together, he came up with this:
Regardless if she was the policy holder, and even if her family helped her get money out of the policy, because we did this on behalf of the children as a joint venture 50/50, she violated my custody rights by not telling me that she was going to change the policy. We share custody.

I can still try to hold to brother-in-law accountable, but really, it’s her that’s the problem, even though he did act unprofessionally.

So, good people still reading this tale, what’s your take?

TLDR just… move on. Pay what you can and have to for kids and wait for them to grow up.

I would never consider a joint policy with somebody who I was divorced with, nor listen to the ex in-laws. They don’t have any responsibility just you and your ex.
You knew what she was like already.

Forget it, do what you can do to look after your own and kids future and move on as above poster said.

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Agreed, just pay up for a lawyer who has your back.

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