I am patiently waiting for mine…
But the date is supposed to be a) an opportunity to get to know each other, and b)fun.
Night markets are awful places, and if that’s her idea of a good time then there’s no point even turning up for the date. In fact, propose a night market and see how she reacts as the first test. If she says yes then don’t bother going. If she says no then meet for a coffee and a chat. I hate coffee but it’s still the best option. I disagree with this:
It’s a first date. What’s wrong with conversation? First dates are ideal situations to have first-date conversations. Are you incapable of being interesting and fun? Is it hard work? If you don’t share a few laughs and learn something about the other that makes you appreciate them as a person then all you’re left with is the physical attraction. Might as well just go straight to a motel if you’re not going to talk.
Oh, I get it. We’re approaching this from the point of view that this is some kind of pursuit. We have to work hard to impress the woman, instead of finding mutual attraction. We don’t have anything to offer, in terms of personality, so we’ll just rely on the surroundings to give her a good time and hope to benefit from the association.
I usually see little reason to pursue the women I meet. First dates are more or less interviews to assess their suitability for further consideration. If they pass the preliminary interview they proceed to assessment, which llary seems to have pretty much nailed down. You have to find out if the reality matches the talk.
Generally it doesn’t, because you’re dealing with people who define ‘swimming’ as standing in a pool of waist-deep urine full of children and have never even contemplated buying a bikini, much less actually going into the sea. Hiking is a 20-minute loop at Yang Ming Shan and a barbecue, not a 4-hr romp in the mud.
If they’re not into of the things you are then what does it matter if the date puts them off? You have no future together anyway. Might as well be clear about the required ingredients from day one, that way you can weed out the timewasters.
I happen to like night markets(especially the traditional ones) and so do most of the Taiwanese girls I’ve met. You think it’s more fun to sit and drink coffee? Ok then, the idea of the first date being an interview is accurate for sure. It’s funny you mentioned sharing laughs, that is my number one factor for compatibility. I have to agree with most of your post, but do you feel a potential match should share most of your interests? I think that she should share some of the same interests, be open to trying some others and want nothing to do with the rest.
I happen to like night markets(especially the traditional ones) and so do most of the Taiwanese girls I’ve met. You think it’s more fun to sit and drink coffee? Ok then, the idea of the first date being an interview is accurate for sure. It’s funny you mentioned sharing laughs, that is my number one factor for compatibility. I have to agree with most of your post, but do you feel a potential match should share most of your interests? I think that she should share some of the same interests, be open to trying some others and want nothing to do with the rest.[/quote]
Sense of humor has to be key. I think a night market date would be great. There is plenty to do, games to play, food to eat, people to watch. You can learn a lot about a person if you just make jokes about situations or people, in a night market. I know, I would know a lot more about someone as they react to my jokes. You can walk and have a conversation or if you don’t want to talk play some games or something.
I am still in the US so I have coffee shops they work well but, I would utilize a night market if I had access to one.
You do, they do, I don’t. Others agree with me. Horses for courses.
If her idea of a good time is noisy crowds, crap food and all the rest of it then I’ll tell her to contact you. You have to have a basic agreement about what constitutes a good time. No objective good or bad there, just recognising that people are different.
I think what I’m saying is you don’t put a lot of energy into trying to have a good time with someone you don’t know at all. Not if you don’t even know what they like. You sit down for a chat, and a coffee shop is the simplest option for that even though I can’t stand the stuff. It’s a neutral location where you exchange information.
If you’re compatible, then you go and have a good time.
Of course, if you met your girl and got to know her a little then you’ve got the interview out of the way during the lead-up to arranging the date. Then you can discuss where to go for the date and decide on something that works for both of you. But if it’s a virtual stranger then you have to find out a bit about each other first. You might find during the course of your ‘interview’ that actually she doesn’t really enjoy nightmarkets either, but was too shy to tell you when arranging the date. Or maybe she absolutely loves that shit and will never agree to do anything else. Find out before you get into a relationship.
(In my experience, relationships tend to happen very quickly. I usually find myself with a ‘girlfriend’ within a very short time of the first date. I’ve learned to be careful.)
Yes. Sitting down in a sterile environment with someone who is basically a complete stranger and having interesting, relaxed conversation is hard work for me. Or at least, doing it several times a week became very tedious very quickly.
I’d rather never have the first-date conversation. My platonic friendships evolve at their own pace through a series of shared experiences, and that’s how I think about dating too. I don’t see why it has to involve contrived rituals.
I see it the complete opposite way. I rely on the surroundings to give myself a good time, doing something interesting in its own right rather than expecting to be entertained (or trying to entertain) across an empty table.
[quote=“Brendon”]
I see it the complete opposite way. I rely on the surroundings to give myself a good time, doing something interesting in its own right rather than expecting to be entertained (or trying to entertain) across an empty table.[/quote]
I bet the ladies can’t get enough of you 
Actually, never mind. This conversation is too silly to argue about 