How much should one give of oneself in a new relationship even when one of the partners will not be in the same location for a long duration? For example, one person is only stationed in that city for a year or less and the other has longer-term plans in said city. What if everything seems to be going well except for the imminent departure?
Discuss.
:charliebrown:
Try! Be happy ever after if it works out, at least you tried if it doesn’t work out.
That’s what me and my boyfriend did and we’re together since 4 years now.
To be honest, I don’t believe in the “You always have a choice, there’s always a moment where you can walk away from it” thing. Why not give it a shot if it seems worth it? Michele is right, at least, you’ve tried. And if it doesn’t work out, it might actually be less painful than if you decide to break up now.
I started the relationship with my husband while I was still at university, and though it was always clear that after graduation, I’d look for a job in Asia and though some people in my family said: “you can’t start a relationship now, you’ll be moving away.” We decided to give it a shot, became a couple, I moved, first to Shanghai, then to Taipei. I’ve been in Asia for almost four years now, we got married 1.5 years ago (here in Taipei), and I’m still convinced that he’s the best thing that could have happened to me and it definitely was worth it.
I’m moving back to live with him this year. But the past four years were definitely worth it. And I’m not sure I would have done so well without having constant support in him, no matter how far he was away physically.
HTH
Iris
yes, live like there is no end. live this time together as intensively as you can. flying for some time is worth the hell you might go through afterwards.
Yep, rock it for the time being, and even if it has to end, at least you’ll always have Taiwan. And you never know - that one year may turn into two, three, four…
The best love of my life, up to now, was my first love at 15. He was 18 from england and we only had a summer, but we kept in touch for 10 years. While our attempts to reconnect never worked out, just knowing that I have the memory of a time where someone loved me for me and all of me, and the adventures we had that summer extend that short period of time. He’s still alive in my mind and heart, althought I am no longer attached to him.
As I get older, I realize what’s important, at least for me. It’s not the proximity or the time, but the quality of time. We have so many attachments when we think of relationships. When you spend quality moments with people, who contribute the best of themselves, and draw the best out you, then you should do whatever you can to be with them. Life is short. Since losing my mother, the greatest lesson I have learned is that money, career and all that other sh#t doesn’t make a difference. What does are the memories of how you got there,who helped you, the moment you laughed your hardest, the moment that special person said something that gave you a hopeful perspective when you couldn’t see nothing but the negative, those times where you could just be who you were/are. Whether you spend 3 months or 53 years with a person, an end is guarenteed. If there is no fear in your heart and nothing to stop you from loving to the best of your ability, I say treat yourself to the greastest gift you can give yourself. Best of luck and I hope you have the best time of your life…
NamaHottie -
Beautifully said… :bravo: 
:bravo:
Tighty,
I can only imagine your predicament. You’ve probably found a woman that you’ve always dreamed about. Smart, funny, beautiful, kind…while maintaining a surprising level of humility. 
My advice to you is best summed up by the lovely Doris Day circa 1956
“Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be”
Enjoy the moment!
Well put everyone. What you’ve all posted is the way that I’ve learned to live my life, through time and experiences similar to what NamaHottie beautifully described.
I think, for a moment, I was caught up in what I perceived was the other person’s doubts. I wouldn’t even know for sure, because we haven
Personally speaking, I will never, ever engage in a long-distance relationship again. Never. And I most certainly don’t advise anybody to do so. And if you are in one, you have my sincerest sympathy, not to mention empathy.
Don’t, ever, do it. That’s just my NT$2’s worth.
Long distance is a challenge, but isn’t there a difference between dating someone that you know you like and has potential, with the knowledge that you both might decide to end it in a relatively short period of time, versus not dating them at all.
Many of us have dated people that we’ve been comfortable saying that this is a 3 month girlfriend/boyfriend. That type of situation wouldn’t require a post in my opinion
Things aren’t always that simple, however.
I’m not a big fan of long distance stuff. Sometimes, after soul searching for a while, you decide that it’s worthwhile, but not often.
I guess the question here is, if you can see yourself having to make that decision, do you go ahead and dive in, or should you stay out of the water. . .
Any thoughts?
[quote=“tighty_whities”]I’m not a big fan of long distance stuff. Sometimes, after soul searching for a while, you decide that it’s worthwhile, but not often.
I guess the question here is, if you can see yourself having to make that decision, do you go ahead and dive in, or should you stay out of the water. . .
Any thoughts?[/quote]
I’ve been in a looooong-distance relationship for almost 4 years now (will be over soon). It has worked out almost perfect for the most part. Thus, maybe I’m not the right person to answer the “do you go ahead…” question.
However, I would think that due to the distance, breaking up a relationship at some point after the move because you feel you’re growing apart and maybe are about to find somebody else would be much easier and less painful than breaking up before the move. But maybe that’s just me…
Iris
[quote=“tighty_whities”]What if everything seems to be going well except for the imminent departure?
Discuss.
:charliebrown:[/quote]
Remember with delight, the barking on that night
Years have come and gone, but this will be your “swan song”
[quote=“tighty_whities”]
Many of us have dated people that we’ve been comfortable saying that this is a 3 month girlfriend/boyfriend. That type of situation wouldn’t require a post in my opinion
Things aren’t always that simple, however.
/quote]
Is this the “ONE”? If not, don’t worry about labels. Try to make an agreement/comment with this person that is suitable for both of ya’ll. Otherwise, as you keep trying to figure all this out, 3 months will be gone. Time is short, really short.
True, True,
I’m not really trying to define things anymore or think if “x” is worth it in “y” amount of time. I’m just enjoying what’s here now and thinking that bridges are only crossed when you reach them.
When I was referring to the question of “diving in or not”
[quote]I guess the question here is, if you can see yourself having to make that decision, do you go ahead and dive in, or should you stay out of the water. . .
[/quote]
it went back to the original post.
It’s easy when both people are on the same page and you’re in a “summer camp” relationship that lasts for a little while and when it ends everyone is ok. Other than that, it gets a little more difficult. However, I agree that: que sera, sera is often the best policy.
:snoopy:
Dude, you seem to have missed one point - you can never be certain what the future will bring. Just because it looks set to be short-term now doesn’t mean it will further down the road. Imagine if you do go for it and things end up better than either of you ever imagined - isn’t it entirely possible that plans will change? No plan is concrete until it’s already happened man. Maybe the one stationed here might decide that the job is less important than the relationship; maybe the one with longer term plans here will decide those plans can be packed in and will instead decide to move on with the other; all sorts of things could happen. Why not dive in? What’s the worst that could happen? And what’s the best that could?