Having a probem getting along with my TW coworkers

Work Teaching English in Taiwan
1

I posted this thread in the Living in Taiwan forum, but I am not getting any responses that are worth a damn, save SuchAFob’s. I am at my wit’s end with trying to figure out how to have a harmonious relationship with my TW coworkers and scared to death that anything I try to do to make things better will actually make things worse. I need to know what the correct behavior is. I’m also worried that anything I do to get along with the female TW coworkers will be interpreted by one certain male TW staff member as trying to get down their pants, and he has a bug up his butt about foreign teachers doing this in the past already, so I just have to tread carefully. (Im absolutely NOT trying to get with any of the Chinese teachers, I believe very firmly in not getting my honey where I make my money, but he’s quick to misinterpret actions in this direction) I can’t afford to make enemies at work. I don’t need the stress.

I like my school and don’t want to change jobs.

Here’s the link to the thread: [forumosa.com/taiwan/viewtopic.ph … 218#545218](Polite is Rude! Rude is Polite! Black is White!Day is night!

Here’s what I wrote over there:
Help me.

I am having a problem getting along with the female Chinese teachers at my school. Nothing bad is happening and they seem like nice people, but lately I sense I am doing something wrong.

And I don’t know wat “rude” is in Taiwan. I know there are different ideas for polite and rude than back home but I don’t know what they are.

I thought I was minding my own business and being respectful of them, and now I worry that they think I’m cold and unfriendly and don’t like them. I’m afraid to be too friendly because they’ll think I’m flirting or kissing their butts. I’m afraid of talking to them. I’m afraid of not talking to them. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m shmoozing. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m not being friendly enough. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m “too noisy”. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m unfriendly.

Will somebody please explain female Chinese coworkers to me? And what is polite, and what is rude? And what I’m supposed to do?

Then, SuchAFob (bless her, she’s the only one who tried) wrote:

Just do what I did. Tell them you need help learning local manners and ask them to help.
Did wonders for me. Really. Try it.
Then they understand that you are trying and they will politely help you understand the culture.
Also mention that you feel somewhat shy…

Then I wrote:
I don’t think they’ll tell me, suchAFob. I’ve tried a bit before. They just smile and wink, or do some other gesture that indicates they are doing something polite without actually telling me anything at all.

They will not take a risk of me getting offended or arguing. They will maintain the peace. I will remain in the dark.

Thanks, though, for your quick response. But I think TW women are more mysterious with us gents than they are with you.

Sorry, mods, if this makes work for you. You can just flounder the other thread if you like. I am just kind of desperate for some answers before I make an unforgiveable mistake. I know that something about my behavior is wrong, and I don’t know what. Whatever I’m doing to make things at work less than harmonious needs to stop. I take my teaching seriously and the kids like me. My boss likes me. However, my boss doesn’t have good people-management skills and so having a talk with him might backfire and cause him to say something to the TW staff that would cause them to hate me forever and make my working life miserable.

Thank you, and sorry for the repetitive posting.

Please, somebody, share your stories, tell me ANYTHING. Anything at all. Throw me a bone. Please?

2

trebuchet,

What works for me?

This: Be friendly, polite, repectful, diligent, and modest. Modesty is a much valued virtue here in Taiwan I was told. And, don’t be scared to be “quiet”. Listen more and speak less. Smile, smile, smile… Be a team player, help where you can, but don’t become overbearing. The Taiwanese love eating – invite them for lunch/dinner at the local street vendor.

Then

Don’t be: “too proud”, arrogant, argumentive, etc. No “us” - “them” attitude. No “back in Australia this will never happen” attitude. Avoid talking 'bout environmental issues, piracy, the crazy driving and other topics that make your co-worker uneasy.

Can you live with that? I can because I have to and I really don’t wanna spend my entire day fighting and arguing with my Taiwanese co-workers.

Like the other guys said, don’t think too much.

Good luck.

3

Gotta wonder, how do you get on with the male workers? I mean is this a general issue of not getting on with Taiwanese, or just the females?

Are you wearing your pants too tight, washing regularly etc? Has there been gossip about you and a member of staff (ask the guys you work with).

Seriously though build trust and friendship with 1or 2 of the guys and the rest of the team should follow.

4

Some good points by Stan and Edgar Allen.

I don’t want to sound patronising. All I can suggest is some stuff you’ve probably thought of and tried before.

Friendly chatting is good. On a Monday, ask them what they did at the weekend etc.

When you go somewhere out of town, bring back some of the local speciality cookies (or whatever) to share.

But the problem may lie more with your co-workers than with you. How old are they? If there is a gossipy, bitchy, immature atmosphere anyway then little you can do to change it. Just keep on being normally (but not TOO) friendly, and get on with your job.

Sometimes, persistence can work wonders. For example I’ve known very grumpy people before and every day when I’d see them I’d just smile and give them a friendly nod, and for a long while I’d just get a scowl or a blank look in response. Then, after some time, they’d start to smile back.

Sorry if these suggestions sound trite but they’re all I can think of.

5

[quote]When you go somewhere out of town, bring back some of the local speciality cookies (or whatever) to share.
[/quote]

Yes, harmless no strings bribes work wonders.

[quote]
Sorry if these suggestions sound trite[/quote]

Not trite at all.

6

So, it’s gonna take some time, and be a long uphill battle?

grr-eat. :loco: Whateva. It. takes, I guess.

Why can’t anything ever have a direct solution around here? Don’t answer that.

What kind of local cookies? Taiwan cookies? I don’t bake, man. I’ll stop and buy something, but.

Are you kidding? I should buy cookies?
Faaaaaaaak. What kinda cookies? If it’s cookies they want it’s cookies they’ll get. Where do I get them?

7

[quote=“trebuchet”]So, it’s gonna take some time, and be a long uphill battle?

grr-eat. :loco: Whateva. It. takes, I guess.

Why can’t anything ever have a direct solution around here? Don’t answer that.

What kind of local cookies? Taiwan cookies? I don’t bake, man. I’ll stop and buy something, but.

Are you kidding? I should buy cookies?
Faaaaaaaak. What kinda cookies? If it’s cookies they want it’s cookies they’ll get. Where do I get them?[/quote]

It’s NOT cookies per se, but local delicacies. For example, if you were to visit Da Shi (mispelled I’m sure) in Taoyuan county, you’d bring back dried tofu as this town is famous for it’s dried tofu (Dou Gan). Maybe if you visited Kending, you’d bring back something that it’s known for. How would you know this, ask the Taiwanese, they’ll tell you.

Kind of like when someone on the east coast of the U.S. goes to the beach, you always bring back salt water taffy or fudge. Or if you go to Florida, you bring back citrus.

Bodo

8

I would suggest just being yourself. If you have to pretend to be this or that or someone who you are not, just so that your Taiwanese coworkers will like you, it’s not worth it, is it? Just sounds like crazy advice to me.

My husband is a Brit and you know how British humor is. It makes a lot of the locals uncomfortable at first, till they get used to it and then they quite like it and try to play along (which is even funnier). He is also very straightforward which Taiwanese don’t like (ahhhhh, tooooo straight!!!) and it can make some people here nervous, but he has their respect and no one walks over him. He is very well liked here. Once people get to know him, they really, really like him. And they like him for who he is, because he doesn’t have to fake who he really is.

Would you change your whole personality at home to accommodate others? No, right? Then, why should you when you are abroad? Of course everyone should be conscious of cultural cues and careful about obvious taboos…but worrying over how you should act and change how you are? Nuts, mate. Just be you. If they don’t like you, then screw them.

9

[quote=“Bodo”][quote=“trebuchet”]So, it’s gonna take some time, and be a long uphill battle?

grr-eat. :loco: Whateva. It. takes, I guess.

Why can’t anything ever have a direct solution around here? Don’t answer that.

What kind of local cookies? Taiwan cookies? I don’t bake, man. I’ll stop and buy something, but.

Are you kidding? I should buy cookies?
Faaaaaaaak. What kinda cookies? If it’s cookies they want it’s cookies they’ll get. Where do I get them?[/quote]

It’s NOT cookies per se, but local delicacies. For example, if you were to visit Daxi (mispelled I’m sure) in Taoyuan county, you’d bring back dried tofu as this town is famous for it’s dried tofu (Dou Gan). Maybe if you visited Kending, you’d bring back something that it’s known for. How would you know this, ask the Taiwanese, they’ll tell you.

Kind of like when someone on the east coast of the U.S. goes to the beach, you always bring back salt water taffy or fudge. Or if you go to Florida, you bring back citrus.

Bodo[/quote]Bodo’s right about the local delicacies. That’s exactly what I meant. Whenever I tell Taiwanese friends I’ve been on a trip somewhere the first thing they ask is: “What did you eat?”

But don’t concentrate on the cookie thing too much. Just carry on being normally friendly and if your co-workers continue to be a bit funny then that’s their problem.

10

[quote=“Indiana”]I would suggest just being yourself. (snip)
Nuts, mate. Just be you. If they don’t like you, then screw them.[/quote]

I have been reading this thread and didn’t want to contribute since I am not yet in Taiwan… but: Indiana said it all in my (humble) opinion.
Be yourself! The school hired you to work with students…

P.S. - you seem to be concerned about the male staff member…who has taken it on himself to “protect” the female staffers? hah! Blow it off dude… be yourself.