The purpose of this question is to better understand culture and it’s not really about numbers.
Here is the my situation and the reason why I ask this question:
I am European and married to a Taiwanese woman. We live and work in Europe. My salary is about 25% higher but I also work more hours, compared to her. When my wife could not work, she did not pay rent and most of the expenses were covered by me. When she started to work, she argued that she needs some savings to get by in case and she basically paid her personal expenses only. 1.5 years later she still only pays her personal expenses, plus one or two items that could be considered commons after we moved. I need to add that she pays her own medical insurance/mobility cost, buys some food and contributes to about a quarter to our holidays and trips.
I want her to pay a proportional share to the common expenses such as rent and taxes, (that share would be about 20% of her salary). She refuses by saying that ‘Taiwanese women do not pay taxes or rent’. And that whatever she earns is basically for her personal entertainment.
I know that such cases exists but I always considered that is a minority of the more traditional types. (he earns way more the her, she takes care of the house, cooks, have children etc).
In terms of lifestyle we are pretty European, she does not conform to the traditional cliché of a house wife. We share all chores around the house.
So how do young taiwanese married couples split their money?
I am not here for a moral judgment or what is right or wrong, I just want to know what is the norm in modern, urban Taipei/Taiwan. What do people in Taiwan think about this?
She probably wanted to save a nest egg, give her a deadline at end of year and say things will change from next year. If she still doesn’t agree you stop paying for a lot of stuff and play hardball.
I actually pay all expenses but my wife doesn’t work in Taiwan. If she worked she would be expected to contribute proportional to income.
By the way your query has been asked a few times on here previously. You can google it.
Her logic was common in previous generations, not unusual , but it doesn’t mean it’s right.IMHO…A lot of peers tell these girls.you need to save up your own money pot in case you get divorced. But in Europe women are usually looked after well following divorce.
Every couple is different. (Many men give their wives all or most of their salary, and make do with an allowance.) You’re going to have to negotiate. Maybe go to a counselor?
There is certainly not a one size fits all solution to that issue as every couple and situation is different. It is helpful for me to have some context to understand the reasoning of others. These accounts are not a recipe but still helpful when hashing things out.
In any case, I think we, as a couple, are moving in the direction.
were you unfamiliar with the culture before you met her? its pretty normal. most taiwanese women would prefer the man to pay for everything. a lot of them expect it. a lot of men are happy to oblige
as others have said, is that really right? people should make their own judgments. for me personally i am happy to pay for everything… as long as i have endless rivers of money flowing out of my ears.
but back in reality i prefer to be a bit fairer. i don’t see how its fair for one person to pay for everything, don’t have enough to save and the other person only spends money on themselves and saves up or gives it to their parents or whatever.
Not that I’m saying traditional gender roles are the best way to structure a family unit, but it seems to me men and women both working have brought on some challenges in relationships. I heard of many couples actually breaking up due to them unable to find a right structure of fairness. And it almost seems to be the women that is taking a unfair stance on how to split things from what I’ve seen.
Sounds like my friends back home except there may or may not be an allowance depending on how many times they hung out with mates instead of watching netflix at home with the missus
We are products of our culture and while I’ve got no experience in this area it’s clear in Taiwan it’s the man that pays. My take is if women want to be treated as men in skirts they need to pay their way equally, too. I think the best way is having a shared bank account and discussing financial decisions.
If you ever get divorced you’ll to get taken to the cleaners
I have seen a wide spectrum of financial responsibility throught various Taiwanese relationships.
Many Taiwanese women who marry a western foreigner are expecting and hoping to get the fairytale romantic hollywood style deal out of the relationship…he sweeps her off her feet, treats her as his queen and provides for everything. She escaped the horrible fate of becoming a slave to her would be Taiwanese inlaws and is the envy of all her highschool and university classmates who married local, have deadbeat husbands who expect to be treated as kings and dont pay for anything but what they want.
Then the cold hard truth sets in that its all bogus and western men actually expect an equal split. The arguing starts, the regret sets in, the sex dries up, the relationship turns sour and you become more like roommates…then divorce.
I have seen it a thousand times over.
This is truth.
The best thing anyone can do is have a grownup conversation about finances with their spouse. Lay it all out on the table and work it out.
She wants to be a queen? You want equality? Compromise. Let her keep her savings but also share in the bills. You be the man of the house and provide by shouldering the larger expenses. Do date nights and treat her to a nice evening out once a month.
Chores around the house need to be shared. Not 50/50…100/100. Each picks up after themselves. Then nobody has to clean up someone elses mess.
Dont let finances ruin a relationship.
Best of luck.
For all married couples I know in which both husband and wife are working they make an arrangement as to who pays for what. Example…husband pays mortgage, wife pays children school expenses…etc. They seem very insistent to not deviate from their established system. When one loses their job they seem to go into “debt” with their spouse to make up later.
I also not that almost all the wives I know have managed to put their house in their name…not their husband’s name. This is the case no matter who pays the mortgage…which I find interesting.
[quote=“Andrew0409, post:13, topic:171928”]
I heard of many couples actually breaking due to them unable to find a right structural of fairness. [/quote]
Can we get an English translation for that?
好像是內地人講的英文, 沒關係 多可以 哦!
I don’t regard the situation as dire as some other descriptions but it is necessary to have a clear stance on some basics and find a easy-to-follow agreement. Having said that I felt quite frustrated when I typed the question, especially because I feel that her views became much more conservative after marriage – before marriage I had the impression that both chipped in according to their capacity (but that is another topic).
I think we can find a compromise. The good thing is that we are not in a financial squeeze and have overall reasonable spending habits. Again, I was here for perspectives…
@BHL4life: I had contact to a broad spectrum of people in Taiwan but I had an idea of whom I marry but certain things are a bit less clear cut when it actually get down to it.