How long to get over your first love?

Its been three years and I still cry every day. How long for you? This isn’t normal is it. Spent thousands of dollars on therapy. Seriously wondering if this is actually ever going to get better. No meaningless platitudes please…

I don’t remember who was my first love, but it probably took me three years to get over a girl I knew in college and almost married. In fact a subsequent GF broke up with me because she was so sick of hearing stories of my ex. Actually several subsequent ones were exasperated hearing about her.

Throw out all your photos and letters of him! If it’s over and it ain’t gonna start up again and you want to move on you need to get rid of them. You do look at those sometimes and get all depressed don’t you?

And don’t call or write to him anymore or talk to others about him. It’s over. Don’t torture yourself dragging it out.

You’re about to move to Taiwan, right? That’s great. New environment, thousands of miles away from him. Get busy when you arrive here, with job, hobbies, new friends, etc. It’ll pass eventually. :slight_smile:

  • Incidentally, I admit I’m a hypocrite. I still have lots of lingerie photos and other pics of my ex in storage back home, and I know my wife will not be happy when she finds those some day, but that was 15 years ago and my ex got married twice after leaving me, so I’m over her by now. But I’ll still enjoy checking out the photos some day.

I’m not sure that me telling you that it took me a while to get over my first love is going to help you.

Why do you feel the need to hold onto this person? Maybe if you make a list of the good things and the bad things it will give you some perspective of why it didn’t work out.

But you must realize that it didn’t work out. Holding on to someone for 3 years after a breakup, from my POV, seems excessive. Men will get drunk, get mad, get sad, get someone else. Try that. It’s probably cheaper.

jdsensitive :slight_smile: :rainbow:

I don’t think that you’ll ever be truly done with her until you give away or at least SHARE these photos with a group of your peers. :smiling_imp:

Ummmm its a guy but if you insist.

I don’t think that you’ll ever be truly done with her until you give away or at least SHARE these photos with a group of your peers. :smiling_imp:[/quote]
Yes indeed. MT? Really man, it’s time to let go.
I can’t imagine looking back after three years with anything more than a warm fondness (or acid bitterness, depending :wink:) and maybe a twinge of regret (or relief, depending :wink:).

But really, if thousands of dollars-worth of therapy hasn’t helped, what do you think you’re going to get out of a bunch of armchair theorists like us?

I don’t think that you’ll ever be truly done with her until you give away or at least SHARE these photos with a group of your peers. :smiling_imp:[/quote]Check with tha Comrade… :discodance:

I don’t think that you’ll ever be truly done with her until you give away or at least SHARE these photos with a group of your peers. :smiling_imp:[/quote]
Yes indeed. MT? Really man, it’s time to let go.[/quote]

Did I mention that she worked as a stripper? A beautiful one.

But the photos are presently locked in a storage unit a few thousand miles away from here. Pity.


It usually depends on how much you cared for the person. The deeper you felt usually means a longer grieving period.

Don’t take this as meaning that because you loved him so much your grieving will never end. It will.

Maybe Google Kubhler-Ross’ theory on the stages of grieving. The book is on grieving not only death, but loss of loved ones no matter the circumstances.

Personally, it took me 5 years. But there were extenuating circumstances.

I still remember the pain well, but only intellectually. I no longer feel it emotionally. And I was consumed with pain at the time.

Remember this Em-dogz: You are one day closer to being free of this. It will end one day in the not-to-distant future. Many, many, many people have felt exactly what you are feeling. You are not unique. And you are 3 years in. You’re ready to move.

Good luck.

I had those feelings,then I took testosterone tablets for bulking up my physique .
A good side effect for men is that it makes you less emotional 'cos it decreases your female hormone,estrogen.
So now I’m so unemotional and macho that I call everyone “bitch”

As long as it took to get under the next one.

There is something to be said about rebound sex.

Never cried over her or anything, but I was sad for a few years. Now, 13 years later, I still think of her from time to time. I think the memory of her will always be in my heart.

Old relationships are like birds: they become much more beautiful once you let them go. It’s what they were meant for.

Broke up with my first boyfriend five years ago, and I

Took me 5 years and a lot of tears to get over Lohnny. I would what I called “Lohnny days”, which I would wake up with her on my mind and she would stay there all day. She worked in another dist office which didn’t help matters. Anyways ,I have moved on and consider the relationship a stepping stone in my life.

Like the saying goes…Don’t be sad because it’s over,be glad because it happened.

Real love in a relationship is a two sided deal. You may love her and she may still love you, but maybe there is something that’s just not right and can’t be fixed, changed or learned. This doesn’t mean you or your partner are wrong.
My first love was Marcia Dolan, after she left for college in San Jose, I constantly cried and called her until and after she found a new bo. When I look back at it now, I could never imagine being married to her.
But, I still love her.
It all get’s better over time.Your situation, however bad and special it feels, has happened to most of us.
You will survive and prosper, I’ll take bets on that.
Take care, Mark

My first love, I can scarcely recall. The fifth and 11th ones (or something like that) are the ones that stick in my ribcage. They never really go away, but one just learns to live with it. :sunglasses:

For the OP: My advice would be to stop crying (it only drags it out, and maintains the blue meanies). Avoid professional therapy. Establish a strong-willed Central Command in a vacant room in yer noggin. Issue firm instructions that any drifting towards negative thoughts OR futile longing OR trying to figure out the reasons why WILL not be tolerated, and will be banished from the perceptive sphere forthwith. It’s a little like waging war on one’s emotions, and with the right amount of carrot & stick, Victory can be achieved. Well, sort of… :slight_smile:

Self discipline mentally and emotionally, coupled with a few well-timed self rewards, can achieve alot of results. Steel one’s heart…

And when your heart has hardened this one’s good for one of those expressions on one’s face that ressembles half a smile/grimace…

[quote]“Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not.” FRIEDRICH WILHELM NIETZSCHE

And for good measure (being married myself):

[quote]“A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” AMBROSE BIERCE

It took me a few hours. But by that time (some 5 years after we started dating) my first true love had become my first true hate.