I left Taiwan about two years ago and broke up with my girlfriend at that time. Two years later I plan to return to Taiwan and I think she still holds hopes of getting together with me. I have already made it clear to her many times that there is not a snowball’s chance in hell. Unfortunately we have mutual friends which makes it difficult for me to avoid contacting her. If I really want to avoid her then I also have to stop contacting other friends which is not desirable.
Any serious advice about how to deal with this situation would be appreciated.
Seriously? Stop cleaning your teeth, washing, shaving, etc, right now. By the time you get here, you’ll be so rank she won’t want to know you.
Seriously seriously? Its pretty obvious, isn’t it? Since you have mutual friends, you aren’t going to be able to avoid her, so you’ll just have to be blunt, as painful and awkward as that might be.
Anything else will just be putting off the inevitable, IMO.
Sorry for any typos – I’ve been having my first 19 tastes of “jiu gwei” (devil or ghost wine, depending on which drunk Taiwanese person you ask)
56% alcohol
Sandyman,
The ‘bluntness’ works on some but not on others, you know that!
It depends on how much self-esteem said ex-gf has and how clingy said ex was to begin with.
If wix is writing for our advice here (of all places…geez), then said ex is one of those who has not taken said hint and therefore is likely one of the said ‘certifiables’ so often discussed on this forum and elsewhere.
wix, Don’t mean to offend here, (I’ve been doing it all day, it seems)…just watch your back and don’t get lured into the sex, lies and drama you’re bound to encounter.
Hopefully your ex has found someone new, but knowing the odd habits of men, as soon as she ignores you, you’ll likely be itching to get back with her and the neverending saga will recommence.
Ignore, they beg you back.
Cling, they run like hell.
This is a proven fact of human nature.
So very similar to laws of supply and demand.
As soon as there were copious amounts of egg tarts, nobody wanted them any longer. Take away egg tarts, and voila! lines around the block…
Sandman’s idea is funny. Not only would it get rid of the said girl, but probably everyone else I count as a friend as well.
She already knows I had a girlfriend in Australia, has seen the photos, etc. yet it only seems to make her more determined. There are a few girls in Taiwan who would be happy to pretend to be my g/f but again maybe I feel using this method would only make it worse.
As you can see I am at a bit of a loss about what to do.
Maybe the idea of another girlfriend will just increase her competitive spirit. I suggest a different tack. Announce to her that you’ve discovered your “true” sexual orientation, that she’s on the wrong side of the fence and that the whole idea of heterosexual love just disgusts you.
Tell her that if she really cares about YOU and what YOU want (or don’t want), that she should respect your wishes, and that her determination to ‘win you back’ against your wishes is just selfish on her part and then round it off by saying, “See? Yet another reason why I don’t want to get back together with you. You don’t care about what I want, you only care about what YOU want. I would love for us to be friends, but I don’t want to get back together with you.”
Say it nicely, but be firm.
You are not responsible for her feelings. You are however, responsible for your own and for your current girlfriend’s and thus should draw your boundaries accordingly.
If your ex-girlfriend can’t deal with the truth – which is what you owe to her, nothing more and nothing less – then consider this an opportunity for her to start learning. And if your mutual friends are mature enough individuals, they will understand and respect your wishes/actions. If they don’t, then… dump them too, lol!
The Solution: this came by email from a friend in Taiwan
I thought I have been told to you about my idea to solve
your problem with your another ex-G/F.
Before you went to Thailand, I suggestion you don’t give
your contact way to her and no more mail or phone with her.
But, it’s seems you didn’t do it.
Anyway, I have another idea can solve it. Of course you can
choice to do it or not. But if so, you just promised to do it,
can you? My idea is very simple and easy. Tell her you have
a G/F right now and show to her this time.
The steps are:
When she wants has a meat with you.
You reply to her, you already have a date with your G/F.
If she asks you when you get the new G/F.
You can answer what you want to say and stress the reason
you come to Taiwan this time is cause her. You may find
a job here and stay here more time for her…
If you still have meat with her finally, you can ask a
female friend to pretend your G/F.
(ps. since I provide this idea to you, so I can do it;
if you don’t know who you can ask.)
Every time when you must be go out with her, ask your
female friend to go with you until she give up.
Finally you tell her, you can’t go out with her anymore;
Since your G/F who doesn’t want you do it.
I think if you can do these steps, she will not annoy you
forever and ever. Trust me!
Quote from Wix99’s friend:
“Before you went to Thailand, I suggestion you don’t give your contact way to her and no more mail or phone with her. But, it’s seems you didn’t do it.”
Well, Wix99, it seems that you still give her hopes and cross back and forth the line. It’s very likely that you THOUGHT you already made it clear but she did not receive a clear message from your side due to your vague and “don’t want to hurt her” attitude.
Leave her alone. Be cruel to her NOW is to save her from falling deeper with more pains. Many men just don’t get it.
Maybe you could introduce her to either your ex-wife and kids, new wife and kids, wife you had, but never told her about. You can say you had an affair with her and now your wife wants revenge. Being she’ll be sued… That may wake her up a bit.
I had a girlfriend like this once, many many years ago. I met her in an elevator one time. She went to school in Keelung. On Sunday evenings she would tell her parents she was going back to school, then she would come over to my place uninvited. If I wasn’t home by 9:30 or 10:00, she would sit on the doorstep. The landlord would let her into the living room. Very quaint.
I used two techniques to convince her to “move on.” (1) Started borrowing money from her.
(2) Visited her school and of part-time work place. Picked out a nice girl there and started asking her out.