Ian's Ex-Girlfriend Problem

Life Dating & Relationships
1

I will try to keep this as concise as possible, just looking for comments and suggestions as ussual.

In college I started dating a Taiwanese girl, Jess. She had come to the US as a teenager, and had adapted pretty well, learned English and so on, her parents still live in Taiwan. We were both art students, had tons in common. I moved in with her, soon I visited Taiwan with her. As soon as we came back our relationship seemed to change.

For the next year we took ALL our classes together, spent much more time together, just about ALL day EVERY day. But we were also WAY less romantic and ‘couple-like.’ We graduated college this summer then Jess took a trip to visit Taiwan. On returning there was ANOTHER big change- she wanted to break up. She wanted me to stay her roommate, because we are such close friends at this point. But I realised after a month of that, that I still loved her too much to be around her and know it wasn’t returned.

Now she is planning to take another trip to Taiwan. We talked a bit and she revealed that she is SO miserable in the US that she seems to have lost all emotions in general. For example she used to be very emotional, when we fought she was breaking things, when we were happy she was soo sweet. When she came back she didnt even care about our pet hamster which she previously adored.

So she says she might still want to be with me if we are both in Taiwan, but she doesnt know. I am planning to move to Taiwan next summer either way. I really dont know if I am better off with or without her, I know I made her sound crazy but shes really a wonderful girl. If we’re not a couple I really wanna remain best friends with her, but in the past thats never worked for me.

What do you think?

2

Stay friends and move on- this is sage advice from the voice of experience.

3

Yep. Stay friends, move on.

4

Dude, in all honesty, I think you do know.

5

Dude, in all honesty, I think you do know.[/quote]

I guess ur right…
I am 22 and I’ve had two long term relationships allready, 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 years, so I guess I am just used to having someone around. I am getting lonely pretty easily.

I guess the best thing is to stay friends like you suggest- but its hard for me to be friends when I still like her. How does one move on while remaining good friends? Is it possible?

6

Yep. But it takes some distance, distraction (best way to get over someone is to…:wink: ), and pain.

7

“We talked a bit and she revealed that she is SO miserable in the US that she seems to have lost all emotions in general.”

That’s a classic symptom of depression and moving to Taiwan may or may not help with that.

8

For a 22 year old lonely guy? No, it is not.

You have become “The back up plan” and you have yet to realize it.

Mention to her about “The cute girl you just met in a coffee shop” and see what her response is. This may offer you a glimpse into her thinking and the expectations she has for you, and the future of any possible relationship.

peace
jds

9

For a 22 year old lonely guy? No, it is not.

You have become “The back up plan” and you have yet to realize it.

Mention to her about “The cute girl you just met in a coffee shop” and see what her response is. This may offer you a glimpse into her thinking and the expectations she has for you, and the future of any possible relationship.

peace
jds[/quote]

Aahhh - ur so wise! Back-up plan sounds about right…
I did mention some other girls to her before- she didn’t seem to care much about that… but shes very good at confusing me…

10

Keeping an ocean between you sounds like a very good idea.

11

[quote=“Ian_Alexander”]I will try to keep this as concise as possible, just looking for comments and suggestions as ussual.

In college I started dating a Taiwanese girl, Jess. She had come to the US as a teenager, and had adapted pretty well, learned English and so on, her parents still live in Taiwan. We were both art students, had tons in common. I moved in with her, soon I visited Taiwan with her. As soon as we came back our relationship seemed to change.

For the next year we took ALL our classes together, spent much more time together, just about ALL day EVERY day. But we were also WAY less romantic and ‘couple-like.’ We graduated college this summer then Jess took a trip to visit Taiwan. On returning there was ANOTHER big change- she wanted to break up. She wanted me to stay her roommate, because we are such close friends at this point. But I realised after a month of that, that I still loved her too much to be around her and know it wasn’t returned.

Now she is planning to take another trip to Taiwan. We talked a bit and she revealed that she is SO miserable in the US that she seems to have lost all emotions in general. For example she used to be very emotional, when we fought she was breaking things, when we were happy she was soo sweet. When she came back she didnt even care about our pet hamster which she previously adored.

So she says she might still want to be with me if we are both in Taiwan, but she doesnt know. I am planning to move to Taiwan next summer either way. I really dont know if I am better off with or without her, I know I made her sound crazy but shes really a wonderful girl. If we’re not a couple I really wanna remain best friends with her, but in the past thats never worked for me.

What do you think?[/quote]

one of the problems that i see (simple minded that i am ) is that you liked her and shes from Taiwan. And from association you may like Taiwan girls. and NOW you are going to the FACTORY so to speak OF Taiwan girls !!! So the temptation is going to be EXTREMELY strong for you to explore. I mean you like chocolate and now you are going to the chocolate factory. Its hard to stay with one kind now right? You got one girl who went back to taiwan and something happened there and that changed her outlook on life and on you. You still like her but feel hurt cuz she rejected you once.

IF you want to try to be with her again. Taiwan is probably the wrongest place to do it :slight_smile::):slight_smile:

the place is FLOODED with girls !!!

i knew this absolutely beautiful and very very sexy young lady from taiwan once. She dumped her first boyfriend (guy from her school) when she went to the usa for a year of college. She came back with a young white guy who she thought she was going to marry. Problem was the white guy came over to taiwan thinking if she was so great? There must be others that are better there.

long story short. he dumped her, stayed on in taiwan and who knows whats up with him now?

she ended up going to england to study and who knows whats up now?

Taiwan is a place where the temptation to cheat is very strong and the opportunity to do so is plentiful for BOTH parties.

12

Sex with the ex doesn’t count.

HG

13

Play it by ear. No need to make up your mind now. Hopefully, when she comes back and you get here, she’ll get back into throwing things and breaking stuff mode. It’s that kind of stuff that makes life interesting right? :smiley:

14

You know, even a cursory reading of this forum should provide warning enough against getting involved with a Taiwanese woman. You could end up:

passing up on career opportunities elsewhere,
wrangled into a life of labour on a duck farm,
putting her feet on the road over map readings,
training her (a lifelong process),
visiting her on weekends at your mother-in-law’s,
‘playing forumosa’ as you take refuge from the madness without,
planning, planning, always planning to escape,
deliriously happy, forever smitten, blind to the charms of all others, and thus, stuck. :rainbow:

15

[quote=“tommy525”][quote=“Ian_Alexander”]I will try to keep this as concise as possible, just looking for comments and suggestions as ussual.

In college I started dating a Taiwanese girl, Jess. She had come to the US as a teenager, and had adapted pretty well, learned English and so on, her parents still live in Taiwan. We were both art students, had tons in common. I moved in with her, soon I visited Taiwan with her. As soon as we came back our relationship seemed to change.

For the next year we took ALL our classes together, spent much more time together, just about ALL day EVERY day. But we were also WAY less romantic and ‘couple-like.’ We graduated college this summer then Jess took a trip to visit Taiwan. On returning there was ANOTHER big change- she wanted to break up. She wanted me to stay her roommate, because we are such close friends at this point. But I realised after a month of that, that I still loved her too much to be around her and know it wasn’t returned.

Now she is planning to take another trip to Taiwan. We talked a bit and she revealed that she is SO miserable in the US that she seems to have lost all emotions in general. For example she used to be very emotional, when we fought she was breaking things, when we were happy she was soo sweet. When she came back she didnt even care about our pet hamster which she previously adored.

So she says she might still want to be with me if we are both in Taiwan, but she doesnt know. I am planning to move to Taiwan next summer either way. I really dont know if I am better off with or without her, I know I made her sound crazy but shes really a wonderful girl. If we’re not a couple I really wanna remain best friends with her, but in the past thats never worked for me.

What do you think?[/quote]

one of the problems that i see (simple minded that i am ) is that you liked her and shes from Taiwan. And from association you may like Taiwan girls. and NOW you are going to the FACTORY so to speak of Taiwan girls !!! So the temptation is going to be EXTREMELY strong for you to explore. I mean you like chocolate and now you are going to the chocolate factory. Its hard to stay with one kind now right? You got one girl who went back to Taiwan and something happened there and that changed her outlook on life and on you. You still like her but feel hurt cuz she rejected you once.

IF you want to try to be with her again. Taiwan is probably the wrongest place to do it :slight_smile::):slight_smile:

the place is FLOODED with girls !!!

i knew this absolutely beautiful and very very sexy young lady from taiwan once. She dumped her first boyfriend (guy from her school) when she went to the USA for a year of college. She came back with a young white guy who she thought she was going to marry. Problem was the white guy came over to Taiwan thinking if she was so great? There must be others that are better there.

long story short. he dumped her, stayed on in taiwan and who knows whats up with him now?

she ended up going to england to study and who knows whats up now?

Taiwan is a place where the temptation to cheat is very strong and the opportunity to do so is plentiful for BOTH parties.[/quote]

Well after thinking about things more- I agree that coming to Taiwan single is a good idea, haha! Well I will be in a new place it will be good to find things on my own, not using her as a guide or crutch. And even though I think I would never cheat on a girl, I do understand that a foreigners ego tends to get expanded when they are ‘exotic’

Yups…

16

[quote=“Ian_Alexander”]
Well after thinking about things more- I agree that coming to Taiwan single is a good idea, haha! Well I will be in a new place it will be good to find things on my own, not using her as a guide or crutch. And even though I think I would never cheat on a girl, I do understand that a foreigners ego tends to get expanded when they are ‘exotic’

Yups…[/quote]

Careful with that too. Also the opportunity for a lot of good women. While the temptation is there to cheat, you can definitely find someone you would choose to not cheat with. So don’t let your ego get too big or you’ll be 50, unmarried, and still flopping around thinking your God’s gift to women. (Note: Not that I have a problem if you’re 50 and single. But you know what I’m saying)

If you’re coming here, come here for you. Don’t come for someone else. If you get here and things work out with that girl, fine. But decide to come here because it’s something you want to experience.

To be honest, I get the gut instinct it won’t work out. I have this feeling her family played a larger role in her decision that she was not happy back in the US. I think a lot of families are very much like that and people here feel obligated to stay with their families in a lot different sense than what we would back home. Not saying it as a positive or negative way, just how it is many times. That, I think, was one of the hardest parts of a recent relationship for me.

Matt

17

I think you love her, thus a friendship is wise. Because love can change into an amazing friendship. But I think you need to wait until her depression is over to reinstate anything. Depression clouds thought. She doesn’t know what she wants.
I often feel, when I am down, that I want to get out of the house. But when I get out of the house I just want to go home.
You don’t want that feeling in love…

18

Dude, in all honesty, I think you do know.[/quote]

I guess your right…
I am 22 and I’ve had two long term relationships allready, 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 years, so I guess I am just used to having someone around. I am getting lonely pretty easily.[/quote]

If you move here, start learning the song “the best is yet to come” :wink:

19

[quote=“Jaboney”]passing up on career opportunities elsewhere,[/quote] done.

[quote=“Jaboney”]wrangled into a life of labour on a duck farm,[/quote] A resturant.

[quote=“Jaboney”]putting her feet on the road over map readings,[/quote] not yet.

[quote=“Jaboney”]training her (a lifelong process),[/quote] Sex stuff more or less done.

[quote=“Jaboney”]visiting her on weekends at your mother-in-law’s,[/quote]Only on weekends :astonished:

[quote=“Jaboney”]‘playing forumosa’ as you take refuge from the madness without,[/quote] doing it right now.

[quote=“Jaboney”]planning, planning, always planning to escape,[/quote] She hide my passport that bitch.

[quote=“Jaboney”]deliriously happy, forever smitten, blind to the charms of all others, and thus, stuck. :rainbow:[/quote] :help:

Is she worth the minor posebilety that she might love you once again?

If yes go for it.

If no stay away from Taiwan and make shure newer to meet one taiwanese girl ever again.

I’m sooo close to steping put off the car at speed to beat up the crap they call drivers here. I constantly nead to use paper a q-tip to dig shit out off my nose after 1 day with taipei air. And you know that chinese food they serve over there is not what you get here. Back home I see the the menu on china resturants contain about 10% of the stuff you find here and those 10% is the only china food that can be eaten by normal human beings.

But what don’t you do for love.

20

[quote=“SuchAFob”]I think you love her, thus a friendship is wise. Because love can change into an amazing friendship. But I think you need to wait until her depression is over to reinstate anything. Depression clouds thought. She doesn’t know what she wants.
I often feel, when I am down, that I want to get out of the house. But when I get out of the house I just want to go home.
You don’t want that feeling in love…[/quote]

I think you said something really good there. I understand what you mean. I think friendship is best for us, and I agree its best I let her do her own thing for a while before trying to get close as friends.

[quote=“ILoveItHereButIDoMissSnow”]
If you’re coming here, come here for you. Don’t come for someone else. If you get here and things work out with that girl, fine. But decide to come here because it’s something you want to experience.[/quote]

Yes, I actually didnt think I would be talking to her much anymore and I was planning on getting over to Taiwan, whereas she was planning on staying here for a while longer. Her parents seem to want her to stay here and possibly even go to graduate school.

So yeah I am going to Taiwan for me- becuase I enjoyed it so much on my visit and because I dont have anything tying me down here at all.

[quote=“Stian”][quote=“Jaboney”]I’m sooo close to steping put off the car at speed to beat up the crap they call drivers here. I constantly nead to use paper a q-tip to dig shit out off my nose after 1 day with Taipei air. And you know that chinese food they serve over there is not what you get here. Back home I see the the menu on china resturants contain about 10% of the stuff you find here and those 10% is the only china food that can be eaten by normal human beings.

But what don’t you do for love.[/quote][/quote]

I know, Taiwanese food is not what I expected but I loved it- eating chicken hearts at the night market and chicken brains in a old ladies’ soup, tons of yummy noodles, tons of yummy dumplings! The driving seems like it will be frustrating but I don’t really care because I dont think its as dangerous as here anyway. Here we have maniacs driving 100 miles an hour weaving along the highway, in Taiwan if a car hits you they are probably not going over 30, so much traffic u can barely get up to speed, haha.