I’m not so sure this is the right place for this letter, but it makes sense to me.
If I Had My Life To Live Over
by Erma Bombeck
The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.
[quote=“marasan”]I’m not so sure this is the right place for this letter, but it makes sense to me.
If I had My Life To Live Over
by Erma Bombeck
The following was written by the late Erma Bombeck
after she found out she had a fatal disease.
If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.
Erma Bombeck[/quote]
She sounds like an immensely dull woman. If it was actually written by one women. It reads like a Hallmark copywriter was trying to think of vacuous bon mots to put on calendars or those posters that are hung in the education department of a Uni I worked at: ‘don’t wait for your ship to come in, swim out to meet it!’ with a pic of a boat at sunset.
Is she dead yet or did she just want one more crack at a viral Internet meme before she journeyed to the west? Edit: above posters answered that one.
Silly picture which relies on the silly-boy trope that women are irrational beings who don’t behave according to some accepted logic when the proportion of dickwit women is exactly the same as dw men in societies where women have access to the same educational and employment opportunities as men. Oh, hang on. That’s ‘no societies’. Scratch that. The underlying assumption is not that ‘I’m too dim to be able to superimpose any kind of narrative on the actions of the females around me’, it’s ‘Oooooh, they’re weird and don’t like me! They must be on their period!’ Right. Bore off.
Vapid stereotypes designed to reinforce the completely frigging obvious. To summarise, she writes ‘If I could live my life over, I would be less self-obsessed and think more about my family than money and social convention.’ I find it hard to believe that she’d do a single thing differently.
Silly picture which relies on the silly-boy trope that women are irrational beings who don’t behave according to some accepted logic when the proportion of dickwit women is exactly the same as dw men in societies where women have access to the same educational and employment opportunities as men. Oh, hang on. That’s ‘no societies’. Scratch that. The underlying assumption is not that ‘I’m too dim to be able to superimpose any kind of narrative on the actions of the females around me’, it’s ‘Oooooh, they’re weird and don’t like me! They must be on their period!’ Right. Bore off.
Vapid stereotypes designed to reinforce the completely frigging obvious. To summarise, she writes ‘If I could live my life over, I would be less self-obsessed and think more about my family than money and social convention.’ I find it hard to believe that she’d do a single thing differently.[/quote]
I knew you would love it E.
That kind of quarter-witted sexism demeans men, not women.
Edit: I forgot ‘humourless’. It’s offensive because it’s just so witless, in the sense of being completely facile and also completely humourless. It has no hook at all. It’s just ugly and pointless, like looking of pictures of dead dogs or something.
Ermintrude: at least nobody mentioned the time of the month
Seriously, you do seem to be a bit grumpy today. Are you sure moving to China was a good idea? You haven’t been drinking the tapwater, have you?
The original post might have been trite, and it may or may not have been written by the person who was supposed to have written it, but I thought it was worth posting. Plenty of people go through life not thinking about things like this:
[quote]I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.[/quote]
If these seem obvious to you, great. I know people who would be baffled by them, and will probably have regrets when their time is up.
Ach, you’re probably right. The crimson wave is forming off the Marianas as we speak. Bores and thickies should be accorded the same amount of human dignity as people. I just don’t want to be on my deathbed regretting having spent 68 of my three score years and ten having my neurons obliterated by these people. Ain’t no Colgate for the brain plaque from this kind of cerebral Coca-Cola. It’s also in the ‘Religion and spirituality’ forum. Huh? It’s about as ‘religious and spiritual’ as ‘It’s not Easy Being Green’ by that great Buddhist sage Kermit T. Frog.
I agree with Ermintrude… That fluff-stuff written by EB is common sense and most people do think it or read it many times over the course of their lives. Whether they act on such thoughts is a different matter.
I also like being reminded from time to time that some jokes might be a bit OTT sexist… and that a bit of thought might be appropriate before posting such…
[quote=“Ermintrude”]Ach, you’re probably right. The crimson wave is forming off the Marianas as we speak. Bores and thickies should be accorded the same amount of human dignity as people. I just don’t want to be on my deathbed regretting having spent 68 of my three score years and ten having my neurons obliterated by these people. Ain’t no Colgate for the brain plaque from this kind of cerebral Coca-Cola.
If you enjoy this, I’m sorry for being a dick.[/quote]
You are not a dick…you tell it like it is ,which is refreshing…mostly We boys are just puerile fools, messing around, trying to feebly raise a titter
I only see the difference in the bathroom…
Given that she wrote that while she was dying of cancer makes it more poignant and gives it context. Her biography is one of my favorites: A marriage made in heaven or too tired for an affair.
Big fan of her stuff -and Jeff Foxworthy’s.There was also that guy from Florida, funny family stuff.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I always listen more than I talk.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
Real friends don’t give a shit about things like that.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
Oh god, she’s one of those neurotic housewife types with a ‘good’ living room that never gets used.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I loved hearing my grandpa tell stories, even if I had heard them before.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
Walking or riding a bike is more fun.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
That is a metaphor for her vagina, right? She can’t possibly be waxing philosophical about a candle.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
i don’t understand this one at all. She used to dress up at home?
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I don’t have a television.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I don’t have a husband either.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
Um, what is she talking about?
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
I don’t get this one either. Why not buy practical clothes that don’t show soil to sit on the lawn with your children?
It is included in her bio, at least my edition. So I assumed it was written about the same period. Mine is a hardcover, very pretty. And she did have several bouts of the stuff. Though yeah, it is silly to think you should becdying to appreciate what you ciuld have done better in your life.
There is another beautiful piece about what she wishes her kids to be. Will put it up when I get to the computer. More or less the same idea. e-reading.biz/bookreader.php … s_End.html
The part called Reflections at summer’s end. And Don’t sweat the small stuff.
For a baby boomer, facing the 70s feminist wave from tbe kitchen front, makes for an interesting and funny take on society’s silly rules, especially on women. In the ol country, with its 50s mindset on women, and uniform snowplog conformity on everything from dress to sex, well, Erma’s stuff kind of fit.
I think the point is, she thoroughly regrets being shallow. But as you noted, she was born in 1927. Consider how very radical this stuff would have been when she was in her prime. Depressing, right?
Pretty awful metaphor too, IMO, considering she’s a writer. Why doesn’t she just bloody say what she means?
That makes you a freak, and come the revolution, you’ll probably be first against the wall.
I know loads of people who turn up like martyrs when they’ve got a cold (or worse) because they think their work is “important”. All they’re actually doing is spreading their germs around so that their employer loses even more man-hours than he would have done in the first place, if they’d just stayed home.
True, but if they don’t read it, they’re not even going to think about it. Common sense is far less common than we’d like to think. Most people go through life not saying what they mean, or not having sex with people they want to have sex with, or wasting their lives away keeping their carpets clean or shuffling paper around a desk or sat in front of the shit pipe, simply because that’s what society expects of them.
Women are interesting. BTW you in China not UK?
We boys are just puerile fools, messing around, trying to feebly raise a titter 
