I just got married to a Taiwanese woman, but now it seems like we have to go to her parents’ house every single weekend. I can’t handle sitting there in the tiny living room with everyone squaking at once and the TV blasting all day and night. Even worse, My in-laws think I am really weird because I seem to not enjoy spending my weekend like that. My wife knows that I don’t enjoy it, but insists I need to spend some time with her family. Will I every get my weekends back?Has anybody else gone through this before and emerged successfully?
By the way, is there a complete resource for getting all those things I need for my resident visa? I looked on http://www.taiwanweddinginfo.com and it was pretty helpful, but with the rules constantly changing, how do you know what is required now and what isn’t?
Thanks, Superchicken :help:
More importantly, do they have Kaoliang? If not, it’s up to you to buy several bottles and make sure you qing them he every damned 15 minutes and aim to get through as many bottles as you possibly can. Be courteous, use “ba” as you proffer him another large tumbler, then “gan bei!” Eventually they’ll look forward to your alcohol fuelled visits just as much as you do the theme of the TVBS news.
Find some culturally acceptable alibis, such as, having to work 12-18 hours on Saturday, having to sleep in until noon on Sunday, and needing to go out, drink tea and chat with friends in the afternoon, or having to go “bai bai”… then just play hookey.
I found it was quite awkward with a combination of not knowing much Chinese at the time and them speaking Taiwanese the whole weekend. Hard to get included when your wife needs to translate.
You need to take the initiative and speak to your wife about it. Seeing the in-laws is innevitable but maybe you can plan something. Take them to some very Taiwanese style fancy restaurant, your wife can tell you some of those kinds of places. My in-laws have favorite places they like to go so we go there, we insist if they say they are making trouble for us.
If you take the initiative they probably won’t “try” so hard to make you feel at home as you are taking the burden of keeping you busy off their shoulders. Those events you plan could keep them at bay for a week or two. You also have control over where to go and how many TVs are blaring.
When the normal weekend comes up for me, I now hold onto the remote control so when their attention slips, I flip straight to the movie channels. I’ve taken books along before, and now I can use their computer with Net access to kill some time.
My advice. Sit down and tell your wife politely, that as much as you “respect” her family, you have priorities of your own that you wish to pursue. She has to understand that she might enjoy going there, and for her it’s probably time well spent, but not for you.
Do whatever it is you want to do on weekends, with or without her, and accompany her every now and again to her parents. In my opinion, if your marriage is based on the proper foundation, there should be a happy ending.
Trust me when I say this is much easier and painless if you make your feelings known, and stubbornly adhere to them from the beginning, than following your wife’s wishes for a long period, then trying to change.
Bottom line…you love your wife and your in-laws, and you don’t mind her visiting them, but you have different priorities.
I found a good, clean, cheap hotel in my inlaws town, Chia Yi.
When I hit the overload limit, I adios outta there and hit the closest 7-11 for snacks and refreshments. then settle in for a quiet evening of tv movies. I show up back at the inlaws around 0900. Last few times I don’t think they even knew I was not there for the night.
[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]More importantly, do they have Kaoliang? If not, it’s up to you to buy several bottles and make sure you qing them he every damned 15 minutes and aim to get through as many bottles as you possibly can. Be courteous, use “ba” as you proffer him another large tumbler, then “gan bei!” Eventually they’ll look forward to your alcohol fuelled visits just as much as you do the theme of the TVBS news.
That’s the only answer at this stage.[/quote]
Even more important, does your wife have a sister or are any of her brothers married? Get one (or more ) of your sisters in-law drunk on kaoliang (see above) and get caught in the kitchen slipping them the beef bus.
. . . but under no circumstances should you ever inadvertently park that there bus in the mother in law’s garage while under the Kaoliang cloud … or you could find your return visits on a higher, less palatable, rotation.
[quote=“superchicken”]I just got married to a Taiwanese woman, but now it seems like we have to go to her parents’ house every single weekend. I can’t handle sitting there in the tiny living room with everyone squaking at once and the TV blasting all day and night. Even worse, My in-laws think I am really weird because I seem to not enjoy spending my weekend like that. My wife knows that I don’t enjoy it, but insists I need to spend some time with her family. Will I every get my weekends back?Has anybody else gone through this before and emerged successfully?
By the way, is there a complete resource for getting all those things I need for my resident visa? I looked on http://www.taiwanweddinginfo.com and it was pretty helpful, but with the rules constantly changing, how do you know what is required now and what isn’t?
Thanks, Superchicken :help:[/quote]
You are an unneccessary part of the room. Your job is to agree to let the wife go home, and then make sure she gets there. Once these tasks are performed your job is done. As others have said, just excuse yourself from the situation. You aren’t moaning that your wife should spend all weekend servicing your c*ck, you just don’t seem to enjoy the Taiwanese culture of family time. Believe it or not, Western couples have the same problems. (Where to go for Sunday lunch? Which family to spend Christmas day with etc)
Drop her off, mention ‘whoring’ and disappear for a few days. Soon they will take into account that you are ‘real’ and have ‘feelings,’ and they just might encourage their married daughter to go and do what married daughters do. OR, they might just use it as further proof (along with you not being totally minted) that you are scum because you are from the west, where moral values are poor.
I totally agree. It took me 3 months of naive kindness to understand that I can’t stand to just follow the wishes of my wife. Tell her now or it will be too late.
I waited 3 months to stop to orally complain and act (I left the house where I didn’t initially choose to live and moved to a room in Taipei). The result is a total mess, my wife is now unable to understand that her husband have feelings and a personality, and don’t always want what she want. We broke up 1 month ago.
So yes, be strict about what you feel from the beginning. And remember that a lot of Taiwanese girl will just ignore what you say a few hours after a serious discution about what you want (that she will transform into “your (mental?) problem”), so be harsh with her if she just ignore what you really feel.
Just dont go and tell her and your inlaws how you feel. My wife goes back once a month for a week and as close as I get to seeing them is dropping her off at the train station.
(Before our marriage her parents hated me). From our first days of marriage I found that wife was asking me to go to her parents too often. Almost every weekend she had a reason to go there and of course with me. I started from just talking with her and later arguing with her about such frequent visits. And it has been stopped. Now we visit her parents may be once per 2-3 months.
I explained that I am married to her not to her parents (who just before marriage were doing anything against me). Of course she likes to say “It’s a Taiwanese tradition”. Sometimes I’m thinking this is a “joker” phrase when she wants to do something. I have contr-phrase: I’m not Taiwanese and don’t care about it.
I explained that we will visit her parents but definitely will not live with them.
[quote=“superchicken”]I just got married to a Taiwanese woman, but now it seems like we have to go to her parents’ house every single weekend. I can’t handle sitting there in the tiny living room with everyone squaking at once and the TV blasting all day and night. Even worse, My in-laws think I am really weird because I seem to not enjoy spending my weekend like that. My wife knows that I don’t enjoy it, but insists I need to spend some time with her family. Will I every get my weekends back?Has anybody else gone through this before and emerged successfully?
By the way, is there a complete resource for getting all those things I need for my resident visa? I looked on http://www.taiwanweddinginfo.com and it was pretty helpful, but with the rules constantly changing, how do you know what is required now and what isn’t?
Thanks, Superchicken :help:[/quote]
take charge ! be the man you are supposed to be !! When her relatives and her see the MAN IN CHARGE in you, they will respect you. STand up and take charge!
note: unless her parents are helping you guys out financially big time, then?? eat humble pie
Dont see it as an insult to you though. Because what happens is that a Taiwanese girl marrying into another Taiwanese family will not be able to be as free as one marrying a foreigner. And often the foreigner is “adopted” into the Taiwanese family. Its not an insult , its considered a good thing. And besides early in marriage your wife probably misses her parents and family a huge amount and wants to spend time with them. So give her time to adjust. Make yourself at home in her house, now that you are also family. Actually in time you willl see them looking up to you for opinions and other things when they see that you are able to take care of their daughter.
I would usually let my then wife off at her parents or inlaws and pick her up later. And would also participate in a lot of family things tooo. Her sisters german husband spent a lot of time with her family, but didnt feel like an outsider after awhile and everyone just learned to get along very well with everyone else, given a bit of time. IN fact her family catered more to the german guy then the other way around. Always making sure he got plenty of beer and they always went to where he wanted to go to eat, etc etc, He was treated like a king !! Now they are still married and IM not !! So? I guess better to make sure you are one with the family huh?
we go to the in-laws house maybe 1-2 weekends a month. she often visits on her own during weekdays too. i figure its not too much drama, as in a few years we will leave this little island and then she won’t see them again for years. she understands this, and realises that this is her time with her family, and later it’ll be just the two of us in another country with neither of our parents around. give and take. anyway, i don’t speak taiwanses at all so i have nothing to contribute, i just get to sit in the massage chair and watch TV…
) of your sisters in-law drunk on kaoliang (see above) and get caught in the kitchen slipping them the beef bus.