Yes, it is. Over-friendliness is always unnerving in all social situations - not just dating. The problem is, if someone is all over you from the get go then what happens if you don’t like them so much? How do you end the relationship? On top of that, as a general rule those who have to sell the hardest are usually selling something crap.
Christ! You are one nasty witch of a so-called “woman!” Grendel’s mother has nothing on you!
Is that a turn-off?
[quote=“sandman”]Christ! You are one nasty witch of a so-called “woman!” Grendel’s mother has nothing on you!
Is that a turn-off?[/quote]
To be incredibly honest with you, I could see that as a challenge. Who has the better insults? The argument has good possibilities to end up in laughter and all that that entails…
Think about her do some DIY while still thinking about here and then right after you have finished DIY ask yourself if you still feel the same about her.
Is being very open about how I feel early a turn off?
I think I’ve done well enough just feeling legitimately horny around attractive enough women, but feeling like I could always do better, so not being particularly attached to any girl I’ve kept around. I confided to a recent ONS (thus far) that I would sever her from me like a tumor if her company brought any trouble to me, but that I have no reason to assume that she’d invite any problems to my life. If honest sentiments turn a given woman off, then her chance of a lasting relationship with the likes of me is already lost.
But I have learned that it’s easier to treat everyone, even oneself, as unremarkable beyond a passing interest in the blur of time between birth and death. It makes that whole “detached interest” motif work better if one actually and openly feels that way. I used to swoon when I was a young boy and teenager, but if I caught myself doing it now, I’d think it was pathetic.
The rest of this thread contains subtle revisions of the following tactic:
For me its not. It is actually great because it just shows that you really mean what you are saying.
Depends on the person, what they’re looking for and probably culture, I don’t advise it with Taiwanese.
In my experience regardless of which country they’re from showing you’re attracted but not pushing the subject or being open about it until you know the other person has had the time to think about it and decide if he/she wants to have a relationship with you or not and is ready to talk about/do something about it works best. Also if you don’t see any signs that the other person is attracted to you it may be a bad idea. Unless you want short term relationship then if the other person is also looking for short term causual relationship early is good.
There’s a reason “playing hard to get” has been raised to an art form. Easy to get, easy to forget. If you are too easily gotten, the other person may think 1) there is something wrong with you that makes it so no one else wants you or 2) that was too easy, I can probably do better.
its really depends on the person itself. it may be good to me or not. i guess it may be situational. like im in a eagerness to learn mandarin. it is ok with me to be open but there’s a limit to it. i should respect both of the parties- whom im with
[quote=“Tomas”]Uncle Tomas always advises the confused singles out there to approach dating with a “I need nothing, but desire a lot” attitude.
As soon as you need a particular outcome or a particular response from someone, you lose all of your power and most of your attractiveness.
But desire? Desire without need is a very healthy thing, and it will propel you to do the right thing at the right time and to the right degree. It’ll make you powerful and attractive.
The key is to know the difference.[/quote]
I’m waiting for part 2 of this post. what the heck is desire without need?
[quote=“Jack Burton”][quote=“Tomas”]Uncle Tomas always advises the confused singles out there to approach dating with a “I need nothing, but desire a lot” attitude.
As soon as you need a particular outcome or a particular response from someone, you lose all of your power and most of your attractiveness.
But desire? Desire without need is a very healthy thing, and it will propel you to do the right thing at the right time and to the right degree. It’ll make you powerful and attractive.
The key is to know the difference.[/quote]
I’m waiting for part 2 of this post. what the heck is desire without need?[/quote]
Come on Jack, we’ve had this discussion before.
Desire: “I think you’re cool and would like to chat/have a coffee/dance/go to dinner/see you again.” (To oneself, internally: “I want you to say yes, but you don’t have to. If you say no, I’m fine because I didn’t need you to say or do anything. Say what you want, honestly, and I’m good either way”). No pressure on the person you want to attract, just a sense that you are interested. It helps if you’re good-looking, charming, and have an interesting life, but it isn’t totally necessary.
Need: Say the same thing to her, but internally, say this: (“I like you so much! I need your approval. I need you to say yes to me. I need you to like me. If you say no, I’ll feel rejected and somewhat hurt”).
See the difference? You need stuff, and you’re sunk. I’m sure you apply the same approach to negotiation in your work. Want to win, prepare to win, play to win, and then go in with a sense of neutrality about the outcome, i.e. you’ll do everything you can to win, but if you don’t, you’re also content to walk away. You’ll feel strong because you are strong.
Anyone who doesn’t believe me, try it in your next job interview or the next time you sell something. Go in prepared, look your best, make sure you’re at least somewhat qualified/have something to offer, and then have fun without needing to get the job. You’ll be amazed at how powerful you feel.
Needy people are mostly attractive to people who prey on insecure people, so if you’re needy, you’ll occasionally attract some interest, but you’ll have pretty shitty relationships and often end up feeling used.
Great post, Tomas! 
[quote=“Tomas”]
Needy people are mostly attractive to people who prey on insecure people, so if you’re needy, you’ll occasionally attract some interest, but you’ll have pretty shitty relationships and often end up feeling used.[/quote]
So Uncle Tomas, if you’re a needy person by nature, how do you knock it out and shape yourself into not so needy person? sounds easier-said-than-done thing.
[quote=“Jack Burton”][quote=“Tomas”]
Needy people are mostly attractive to people who prey on insecure people, so if you’re needy, you’ll occasionally attract some interest, but you’ll have pretty shitty relationships and often end up feeling used.[/quote]
So Uncle Tomas, if you’re a needy person by nature, how do you knock it out and shape yourself into not so needy person? sounds easier-said-than-done thing.[/quote]
Stop believing in the fiction of “it’s my nature” and choose to stop being needy.
I know that we’ve never met, but I think I love you.
Can I be your facebook friend?
[quote=“Jack Burton”]
So Uncle Tomas, if you’re a needy person by nature, how do you knock it out and shape yourself into not so needy person? sounds easier-said-than-done thing.[/quote]
Everyone had needs…
…some which are common sense, while others you discover about someone as you build up comfort while getting to know someone.
To play The Game, you need to follow the rules of The Game. This “Game” is played for the purpose of finding a mate or a lover. Pick one.
When people said to not be needy, they mean to not be clingy—at least early on.
Coming across as clingy is mostly a bad thing. The average woman wants to depend on a man. There is an attraction switch called “Provider of loved ones” where the man is seen to take the lead and provide for the female. This usually takes a large sum of resources, and is an alphamale quality. If you depend on a women more than she depends on you, especially early on, this is a sign of weakness that is not an alphamale characteristic. You are seen are being in an inferior position, and your overall value is lowered to a woman who may barly know you. Your replication value is diminished, and therefore, her chances of survival with a “needy” male is reduced. From an evolutionary perspective, the position of a needy man is weak and not fit to survive compared to a man who is independant.
Anyway, people who reveal their feelings too early or come across as needy/clingy risk bursting the attraction bubble.
It also may make you less mysterious and intriguing. If you want to express yourself, just say you “like” the person, but make it clear it is more than just “like” by how you say it.
I learned to express my feelings for a woman with my actions, and when she tells me her feelings, then I reciprocate them back to her.
I’m easier to get, but nearly impossible to keep. But “playing hard to get” is a lot of nonsense. From what I’ve observed, it’s a nice ego-saving trick that men play on themselves, of the form: “Oh, she’s really into me, but she’s just ‘playing hard to get.’” Apparently, they refuse to see it from the women’s perspective, being bombarded with offers from fat, balding, surly men with scant rhetorical grace or rhythm. I have yet to meet a woman who said that her biggest ambition in life was to have some disgusting slob flopping on top of them, and yet I frequently encounter men who ignore any common sense about the female end of mate selection or have any sense that other people have and are using similar observation skills that they are using when they pick their victims for a round at the rejection filter game.
Women are guilty of this, too, as the OP here mentions.
I made a sharp turn recently. I’m at a point now where I’ll just stop and coldly glare at a woman who tries to dance with me without getting any indication from me that I’m interested in her. If they’re dense about it, I can passively push them out of my way.
I refuse to play, and yet I still have intimate involvement with about fifteen women per year. They’re not all eight-to-ten beauties (mostly sixes), but they’re never disillusioned by what I offer, as I make no pretenses to them, have no “game,” and just make sure that I set myself apart from the majority of dipshits I see in a way that doesn’t require some “strategy” to compensate for being unappealing.