[quote=“Erhu”]I think MT’s attitude about this situation (i.e. blaming the mother more than the husband) is an unfortunate indicator of the sad state of marriage these days. Of course the mother/child relationship is a special one and a mother who does something like this is despicable. But don’t marriage vows count for anything? Is it really such a stretch to believe that a man will be committed, honest, and faithful to his wife? Call me naive, but I hope I never become that jaded.
I believe that a spouse should be at least equally as important to a person as a parent OR a child. Perhaps that’s not the case in traditional Chinese culture, but it certainly is in traditional Western culture, or at least the ones that are rooted in Christian values. If I get married, I expect that my husband will be the person who’s the closest person on earth to me and vice versa.
To say that “the husband is only related to the girl by marriage” significantly downplays the importance of a marriage partner in a person’s life. Today divorce is so common, that I suppose people don’t take marriage all that seriously anymore, but damn. I know at least some people have fulfilling, happy and committed marriages. I hope I will too someday.
Sincerely,
Pollyerhu[/quote]
First, I agree about the sad of state of marriage these days, though I didn’t mean to suggest at all that the marital bond is insignificant or cheating should be tolerated. On the contrary, I said if a guy screws his wife’s mother he’s a dick and she should divorce him. His behavior goes beyond the pale and no amount of pleading and excuses should make up for it (except in Benjamin Braddock’s case, because Mrs. Robinson was much older and cleverer and used all her guile to trick him into it, and because Katharine Ross was so beautiful and that frat boy she was going to marry seemed like such a loser and the ending of the movie was awesome, as was the soundtrack, but that was just a movie, albeit a great one).
I was just saying that, no matter how important a marital bond may be, the bond between a parent and child should always be stronger, given that it is genetic and existed from even before birth and for many years the child’s very life was literally dependent on the parent. No matter how much one may love one’s spouse, all of that is not present in a marital relationship. No offense intended at all, but once you become a parent you will understand.
Second, please refrain from using the lame old cliche about “Christian values.” To many people those words are insulting and wrong. I’m not sure if such values encompass the behavior of preachers scandalized for cheating on taxes, or having sex with prostitutes, or accumulating millions through fraud, or sodomizing choir boys, or ordinary Christians who lie, cheat and steal, but I do know that most jews, hindus, muslims, atheists, agnostics, wiccans, pagans and others have moral beliefs at least as worthy of respect as those of Christians.
But, I don’t want to argue. I just wanted to state my belief (and of course others are free to disagree) that, no matter how much one loves ones spouse, the parental relationship by its nature should always be even more sacred (though in reality, of course, it doesn’t always work out that way).