Is normal to seeing someone in western culture? 這樣的關係在西方也算正常的嗎？？

Life Dating & Relationships
1

I’ve been seeing someone almose 5 months!（We know each other through online）

I’m a Taiwanese girl, I have been living in Australia for few years.

I have been seeing someone almost 5 months.(he is an australian)

I guess “seeing someone” is mean not just friend but not boyfriend/girlfriend(saw this on website)

Is it normal in Western Culture?? becuase in taiwanese culture, we dont have kind of relationship like this.

I have tried to ask some sort of question on taiwanese website, but most of answer just like I thought

“taiwanese guys think I’m a easy girl”

I dont mind to keep relationship like this(sure I still wanna be in relationship with him), but he told me he needs some space sometime, I’m thinking what the hell is that mean???

it’s second time he told me this. so I called him last night, he told me I stayed his place everyday since I didnt get any hours from work(I was studying and working at the same time before, so I didnt have much time to see him),

It’s coming along too quick.

I’m not sure I really like him or I just feel lonely being myself in Australia.

I dont konw why he like to keep relationship like this???
how often do you guys see your partner everyweek??

我是台灣人 女生 已經在澳洲住了幾年了。

最近這幾個月在網路上認識了一個澳洲人， 快五個月了

我已經seeing他這麼久，但是他好像還是想維持這樣的關係，一開始我確實想他在玩我嗎？？但是我感覺的的出來不是

我想說在英文裡面會有seeing someone這個詞，是不是代表在西方社會是正常的現象呢？？

在台灣沒有這個東西啊，我有試著在一些台灣的網站問問題，那些台灣男生就覺得我是個隨便的人吧～～（習慣了）

一開始我確實很在意relationship status，到上個月我好像不是那麼在意了，當然我還是想成為男女朋友的關係。

昨天是第二次他跟我說他需要他自己的空間，我在想這到底是他娘的什麼意思？？？？

因為只要他說這個之後，那天他大概就會消失吧？！

我昨天晚上打給他，他說自從我沒工作之後，我幾乎每天都留在他家，他覺得進展太快什麼的。

我也不知道我自己是真的喜歡他還是只是覺得自己一個人在澳洲怕寂寞。

我不知道為什麼他想要持續這樣的關係？？

大家覺得多常見對方比較好呢？？

Thanks for all your guys’ advice, I guess he is more likely to have “fear of commitment”, or I just trying to convince myself " he has fear of commitment"to make me feel better.

At the beginning, he told me he counldn’t trust me so he not sure about to date with me, yesterday he told he just wanna spend time with himself and friends, it’s unreasonable for me~ I guess I need to get rid of him in my mind, it’s really heartbreaking for me at the moment.

I wish I can get on the plane which is back to Taiwan :pray:

2

This kind of relationship certainly exists in Taiwan, where dating with multiple partners at one time could be common but not talked about.

He may just want to take it slow or else he is just looking for a casual relationship right now.
The only thing that will tell is time. If you don’t feel satisfied with that just look for another partner,
your needs could be incompatible.

3

This sounds like a cultural difference. It’s not that Taiwanese girls are “easy” – people all over the world, men and women, sleep around! – but in Taiwan the concept of a casual relationship is much less common.

From my observation: Taiwanese men and women tend to be open to sex early on in a relationship, but they carry the expectation that this means the relationship will continue on a long-term basis and possibly end in marriage. It may not be the case for you as an individual, but culturally speaking, in Taiwan a large portion (probably the majority) of relationships are “for-marriage” (以結婚為前提交往). I can only speak for the US, but that’s not how we view relationships. Instead, the point of a relationship is to have a relationship. If it grows and deepens and becomes something that could lead to marriage, great! But we don’t have that expectation at the very beginning.

This is why Taiwanese proposals are so… lame. (I met a girl whose husband proposed in line for chicken at a night market! And she accepted!) The proposal is just a sort of inevitable thing here, and the girl is probably thinking “it’s about time already,” while in at least US culture the proposal is typically a surprise. Before we were married, my wife would occasionally ask me when I would propose, and I would always refuse to answer because it ruins the surprise. In summary, proposing and getting married is the foregone conclusion (理所當然的結果) of a relationship in Taiwanese culture, but it is just one possibility out of many in the West.

How does this relate to your situation? Well, the guy probably isn’t playing you, but he’s not ready for a steady, committed relationship yet. Taiwanese people are great at 忍耐啊 容忍啊 putting up with other people’s BS, but Westerners don’t have the patience for it, and as a result, we are more hesitant to start a relationship until we are very certain that we are compatible with our partners. As I see it, you have three options: somehow convince him that you’re a great fit for him and help him overcome his fear of a relationship (hard); accept that you’re seeing each other but not boyfriend-girlfriend (also hard); or just move on and find someone else or, even better, learn to be happy by yourself (the hardest but worthwhile).

4

Not an expert, I get my information second hand from shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother…

That being said, that guy sounds like he isn’t sure about your relationship, or perhaps he has commitment issues. By the way, it is interesting that “fear of commitment” only has a wiki page in English, German, Arabic and Czech. There’s no such entry in Mandarin. Either way, if he wants to take things slow, and you are serious about maintaining that relationship, why not give him that space.

At the same time, have you figure out what he is looking for in a relationship? What qualities he wants to see in a girl? If he likes strong independent types, you are not currently living up to his expectations.

If you have your own place, don’t go over to his place. Find a job, and find some other guys to hang out with. If he doesn’t seem to treat you any better when you do meet up, then maybe he’s just not that into you.

沒有這方面的專才，大部份相關的二手資訊我都是從像六人行或是追愛總動員類型的影集裡看來的。

妳的對象聽起來對你們的關係還沒有很確定，也有可能他對承諾會有恐懼。順帶一提，承諾恐懼這種詞在維基上只有英文，德文，阿拉伯文和捷克文有詞條，在中文維基裡還找不到咧…總之，如果他想慢慢來，而妳也很想試著維持這段關係，那何不給他點空間？

另外，妳有機會問出他想在感情中找到什麼嗎？他理想的對象應該有哪些特質？如果他喜歡的是能和他平起平坐，給他挑戰獨立女強人類型，那也許妳目前的情況不符合他的期待。

如果自己有住處就不要去他的住處。先找工作，找另一群朋友打屁耗時間。如果這樣一陣子之後和他碰面時他的態度還是一樣，沒有特意的表現對妳比較好，那也許他只是沒那麼喜歡妳。

5

If this is the case, then you should really give yourself some distance from him. Why spend a lot of time with someone you’re not sure if you really like. There shouldn’t be any need to feel lonely. Make other friends and get to know some other guys, until you find one you really, really like.

6

After 5 months, the two of you should be able to talk–really talk–about your relationship. It seems that both of you are willing to have a “no strings” relationship (= sex without commitment, “friends with benefits”). Him wanting “more space” may be code for wanting to sleep with other women, which is hard to do if you are in his house all the time. Is this what you want?

7

You are lonely. Stay for the sex, pizza, whatever, but when you get on that plane, leave him behind.

8

Yeah, break his heart!

9

you seem unsatisfied with the current situation, so whether it is normal or not is probably not going to make any difference.

it is extremely normal, for westerners. however it is slightly less typical for a western guy and asian girl to have this type of relationship when in a western country. it is more typical for the western guys to do it in asia, due to the high number of women availible. in the west, less so. so coming across an asian girl in the west is usually more appreciated, unlucky for you, this guy must have experience!

10

I’m not sure if anyone else mentioned this but… maybe he just doesn’t like you very much? This is often indistinguishable from “fear of commitment” or “looking for a casual relationship”.

11

[quote=“angela1118”]I’m a Taiwanese girl, I have been living in Australia for few years.

I have been seeing someone almost 5 months.(he is an australian)

Is it normal in Western Culture?? becuase in taiwanese culture, we dont have kind of relationship like this. [/quote]

I’m an Australian guy. Young Australians think it is normal and healthy to have sexual relationships. Most people have no thoughts about marriage at the beginning of a relationship. And having sex doesn’t mean there will be commitment. Often, the purpose of the relationship is just sex. Because sex is good (and virginity has no value in Australia, it’s actually a bad thing). Even if the relationship becomes very strong and lasts many years and the couple decide to have children together, they may not marry. About 33% of children are born outside of marriage. Other western countries have a much higher percentage - In France, Norway and Sweden over 50% of kids are born outside of marriage. So if you are dating a western guy you should be aware that he may not want to get married, ever. Marriage is more important in undeveloped countries than in developed ones.

[quote=“angela1118”]I have tried to ask some sort of question on taiwanese website, but most of answer just like I thought

“taiwanese guys think I’m a easy girl”[/quote]

I wouldn’t spend any time caring what they think. Many Taiwanese guys have mental problems because they live with their mothers and never get any sex.

You should try to meet some new people, make some new friends. This guy you are with now is obviously not so serious about the relationship. If you want a more serious relationship then find someone else, don’t waste time on him. But be aware that many young guys are not looking for commitment, so you may have to shop around a bit to find one who is, if commitment is what you want.

And just relax a bit! The meaning of life in Australia is enjoy yourself. My advice would be to make friends with some western girls, because they know how to have fun.

12

It’s the same in all situations - relationship, friendship, job - you have to decide what you can tolerate, what the other person is willing to offer, and what you really want. When you understand those three things, it becomes easy to make a decision.

If you can’t tolerate sex without a relationship (I know I can’t!) don’t be ashamed of that. Tell him. If he’s an upstanding guy, he’ll say, “Oh, sorry, I just want the sex and companionship, I don’t want to have a relationship with you.”
No harm, no foul. Just walk away.
If he’s not a good guy, he might lie to you (men and women might lie in this situation to try to keep a lover around), so when you talk to him, watch his face carefully to see if he seems comfortable and honest.

Something I’ve noticed with my Taiwanese friends is an unwillingness to TALK about these things. Talk to him. Taking care of your own feelings is worth the trouble and embarrassment of a talk.

13

I think you need to talk about where you want your relationship to go. If you two aren’t on the same page then there is probably no point in being with each other. As the saying goes “There’s plenty more fish in the sea”. There are plenty of guys looking for the same committed relationship you are after. Going by how long you have been in Taiwan you are still young so don’t get caught up when one guy makes you feel bad and confused. I hope it doesn’t ruin your experience in Australia because it is a really great country.

14

This falls under the category, he is just not that in to you.

Best way to deal with this, is give him more space, and go date some other people.

15

Australia has crazy party culture, drink culture, and high average level of income relative to much of the world. And so its no surprise that most Australians I know under 33 just want to have fun with lots of people, ‘its nowhere near time to takes things seriously’ is what they all live by.

If he lets you stay over though, he thinks highly of you even if he is seeing other women. So just enjoy each other while you are young, you can find multiple partners too, or find someone who will be monogamous.

16

Trust your gut feeling about this.

17

I think you need to understand that you and he probably have very different expectations about relationships.

You sound like a lot of TW girls: “He seems to really like me, so I should like him too.” That sort of thinking will generally only bring you heartache. Uncle Tomas recommends that if you don’t really like him very much, you stop seeing him. If he’s like a typical Australian guy, he will not be too hurt.

And in the future, don’t decide to like a man based on how much he likes you. Judge him based on how you truly feel about him.

18

Agree with “he’s just not that into you, girl”. There is a book by this name (I think the Chinese translation is called 他沒有那麼喜歡你 or something). 5 months is long enough for the “So, what are we?” talk – I’d say more normal to have at the 1-2 month mark. When white guys want to date seriously, they will. Of course, you are enabling him by allowing the relationship to go on without any sign of commitment – if a guy did that to me I’d walk.

ALSO.

曖昧

19

No idea about his living situation, but when i first came here and my gf (now fiancee) stayed over in my 1br apartment all the time i told her exactly the same… “Give me some space…”

But this had to be taken actually literally… It wasnt easy for me to just be around someone all the time with no possible escape as im totally not used to living in such confined quarters… It got much better when we got a bigger apartment and i got used more to live together with her. At least for me it was indeed a matter of “space”. Might be difficult to understand for some but imo it might very much have to do with his culture and upbringing. For people that might never have had to share rooms with siblings, lived with flatmates and never lived in close quarters with a partner, Taipei´s living situation isnt exactly easy to deal with.

20

[quote=“Rotalsnart”][quote=“angela1118”]

I’m not sure I really like him or I just feel lonely being myself in Australia.

我也不知道我自己是真的喜歡他還是只是覺得自己一個人在澳洲怕寂寞。

[/quote]

If this is the case, then you should really give yourself some distance from him. Why spend a lot of time with someone you’re not sure if you really like. There shouldn’t be any need to feel lonely. Make other friends and get to know some other guys, until you find one you really, really like.[/quote]

Yes, i couldn’t agree more. Being with someone just because you’re lonely?

Oh man! it’s not love. It’s not fair to you and him. And it also very dangerous!

Maybe he;ll ditch you as soon as you’ve been used up.