A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.
I think someone did a very good job with that, and thank you for sharing it, but I do not think it likely that that is a real âmistranslated documentâ. A quick search on the internet shows itâs been doing the rounds since at least 2011. But I donât remember reading it before. Either my memory is going, the internet is vaster than I can conceive and thus there are many gems like this still to be discovered, or I have not wasted as much time online as I think I have. Either way, good thread.
A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said sheâd go out, but didnât know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied,
âMum I have someone for you to meet.â
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.
Their first night there she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, âWhy the black panties?â
She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore but down there I am still mourning. He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.
The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: "Whatâs with the black condom?
He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"
We told Dispatcher Galeotalanza that if she could guess the number we were thinking of we would send her home for the night. We even have tried to help her out and told her it was between 5 and 7. She guessed 6. It was 6.3487645. She was so close. She was not amused. We thought it was funny. Enjoy your shift.
Young Irishman walks into a pub and orders three beers. He finishes up all three and orders three more. This goes on every time he comes in.
One night the bartender brings his three beers and remarks, âYou know that you can order one beer at a time, right?â
âOh itâs just that my brothers moved away a while back. We always drink together but we canât now, so to keep our family strong I always order a beer for each of us. I miss âem dearly, you see.â
The bartender is impressed with the young manâs fidelity and says no more. Pretty soon the whole bar admires the young man.
One night the young man orders two beers. The bartender, looking worried, says, âOh, donât tell me something has happened to one of your brothers?â
âOh, nothing like that. You see Iâve given up drinking.â
One of the local zooâs female gorillas went into heat last week. Problem is the only male gorilla they have was quarantined until January. She was becoming so self-destructive and mean to the other gorillas that staff panicked and approached the guy who cleaned their area.
âWeâre in a terrible spot with Tinker Bell. Sheâll be in heat through next week, at least, and weâve got to do something. She likes you, she always has, will you have sex with her for $500?â
The guy was quiet, then said heâd have to think about it over night.
The next day he announced, âLook, I have 3 conditions. They all have to be met.
First, itâs got to be top secret. Nobody can know.
Second, I wonât kiss her. I donât care what you say, no kissing.
Third, I only have two-fifty.â
