This depends a lot on context but, is a guy (who has a prior interest in learning and practicing Chinese) doing a language exchange good reason for suspicion or jealousy by his girlfriend? A friend chose not to tell his girlfriend about his language exchange, not out of guilt but simply to avoid her unnecessarily feeling jealous. I saw no reason to be anything other than straight up about it. Naive? Haven’t started one yet, but my girlfriend is very un-keen.
I’m sure lots of language exchanges are an excuse for meeting people - but surely they’re not that suspect that the automatic assumption is that something dodgy’s going on?
I can’t deny that I’d rather do a language exchange with an attractive, interesting Taiwanese young woman, than a Taiwanese guy - but in my experience, Taiwanese girls seem to be more interesting and worldly than the guys. Unfair to stereotype I guess, but that’s my experience. And there isn’t anything wrong with enjoying the male-female dynamic while never taking it further than coffee-shop chat, is there?
So all things being equal - no past history of bad behaviour or anything remotely like that - is seeking a language exchange doing something questionable?
I began a language exchange before I had a girlfriend. My girlfriend was a bit suspiscious about it at first but after she met my LE partner and her boyfriend there was no problem at all.
It sounds pretty damn dodgy to me, and I think his gf has a right to feel betrayed. The excuse of protecting her feelings is LAME. If he really wanted to do LE, he should have told her straight up, and picked a guy to learn from to protect her feelings.
Tell your friend to dump that bastard and date me instead.
My friend who has said nothing to his girlfriend about his LE for the sake of an easy life, though he has absolutely no intention of doing anything wrong. He probably enjoys the young lady’s company though.
And me, who naively suggested to my girlfriend that I might do a LE, since I have absolutely no money right now and haven’t been able to take lessons for the past couple of months. I thought “I have no intention of anything dodgy, and presumably wouldn’t be so open about it if I did - so, no problem”. Girlfriend didn’t see it like that.
Potentially, I would probably enjoy a young lady’s company too. When I’ve paid for lessons I’ve had women teachers and even with the older ones, I felt I enjoyed the dynamic because they were women. Certainly wasn’t out to shag them! I enjoy mens company too - but that usually involves beer, not coffee. It’s different.
My SO doesn’t like the idea of me doing LE (especially a lady), also. So I tried to compromise and told her we could do it together, her and I, in the mornings. But she never has time, or sleeps too late. Now she seems to be warming to the idea alittle more.
Perhaps it’s a Tw women thing. I get the impression she trusts me, but not the women for some reason.
Lying is lying. Hiding something is hiding something. No matter how innocent what you are hiding is, the fact that you are hiding it is not innocent. And no matter how sweet the reason, the outcome is just a damage to trust.
So yeah. Your friend is being silly.
[quote=“bismarck”]
Perhaps it’s a Tw women thing. I get the impression she trusts me, but not the women for some reason.[/quote]
I understand this. Some women here don’t care if a man has a girlfriend/ wife. Heck. Some women will go after a man mainly because he does have a girlfriend/ wife.
A man with a Taiwanese girlfriend or wife would have to be a bloody idiot to have a one-on-one session, whether class or language exchange, with a female.
Why bring trouble upon yourself? You need to pick your battles wisely; i.e. leaving the ball n’chain at home to go boozing with the lads, or quality forumosa time.
[quote=“SuchAFob”][quote=“bismarck”]
Perhaps it’s a Tw women thing. I get the impression she trusts me, but not the women for some reason.[/quote]
I understand this. Some women here don’t care if a man has a girlfriend/ wife. Heck. Some women will go after a man mainly because he does have a girlfriend/ wife.[/quote]
Yep, and I understand her concerns. Not sure I would feel all that comfortable with her having a one-on-one LE with another guy either. Just can’t trust some guys…
[quote=“Almas John”]A man with a Taiwanese girlfriend or wife would have to be a bloody idiot to have a one-on-one session, whether class or language exchange, with a female.
Why bring trouble upon yourself? You need to pick your battles wisely; i.e. leaving the ball n’chain at home to go boozing with the lads, or quality forumosa time.[/quote]
Also true. But I don’t mind having an LE with a Taiwanese guy either. But do you have any idea how hard that is to find? Sure, finding some bloke who wants to show off his new foreign friend to his mates, or take you to a titty bar is no problem. But serious LE? Also they don’t really seem to get the idea as well as the women do.
Just been my experience, but the women also seem more willing to really listen and try to help you.
Bismark wrote [quote]Just been my experience, but the women also seem more willing to really listen and try to help you.[/quote]
Well, a possible solution is having a two-on-one. Then no-one could accuse you of any hanky-panky.
Hey THAT’s an idea like an …uhm… a threesome, yeah that’s it . What I wanna know is, are there any LE that are truly exchanges without bodily fluids? I quess I’m afraid to find out ,but then again, classes are great too.
As far as my case is concerned - it sounds like what Bismarck said above. It’s not that she doesn’t trust me personally, it’s that she doesn’t trust men and she doesn’t trust Taiwanese girls.
I admit mixed motives in wanting to do a language exchange - i.e. I think it could be fun, and yes it would be more fun with a girl.
It’s nice to think that I could be a player, but I can’t quite see it! It’s not me (unless I have hidden depths I don’t know about). If you can’t be one here then it’s doubtable you’ll be one anywhere and after several years here, I think I would have lived that life by now if I was going to.
Used this to prove the point to my SO that furriners (on this thread in particular and Forumosa in general) are actually more inclined to actually want LE sans fluid exchange because we are serious about learning the language. Showed her that projecting what she has learnt to be true about her male countrymen aint neccessarily true about furriners. Ergo, we’re not as bad as she would be led to believe…
[quote]Also true. But I don’t mind having an LE with a Taiwanese guy either. But do you have any idea how hard that is to find? Sure, finding some bloke who wants to show off his new foreign friend to his mates, or take you to a titty bar is no problem. But serious LE? Also they don’t really seem to get the idea as well as the women do.
[/quote]
I would have considered a male LE if I knew they took you to titty bars. My LE is pretty hot, but its strictly business, although I do have bad thoughts about her, of course that applies to most young women in Taiwan.
When it comes to disclosure with the SO, the truth is not always the best policy. Regardless of good or bad intentions there are things best left undisclosed. For example whether I am purely interested in my LE for learning Chinese and don’t want to make my SO jealous, or whether I have impure motives for having an LE, the end result is the same. It’s best not to bring unneeded attention to the matter.
Another example of this is the transient engrish teacher friend that my roommate allowed to crash on the couch for a month. One morning I came out to find him shagging on the sofa. If I had told my SO she would have been horrified and never visited me again. When she finally did find out after he was gone, I told her the reason and she agreed.
. What I wanna know is, are there any LE that are truly exchanges without bodily fluids? I quess I’m afraid to find out ,but then again, classes are great too.