Life Sentence on the Rock

Taiwan Living in Taiwan
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[quote]The job situation is tough here for someone in the “spent 10 years working in Taiwan” situation. I cannot get good letters of reference from supervisors at institutions where I’ve taught in the past. Most would not even remember me personally, I expect, or only vaguely if they did. My years teaching in Taiwan does not translate into “experience” in the US public school system, so that I get thrown onto the bottom of the salary scale along with recent college grads with no experience.

Honestly, if I did not have my own business, I don’t know what I would have done. I actually spend considerable time these days thinking about what I could do, seeing as how the translation market isn’t the greatest and is not IMO something to be relied upon for the long term.[/quote]

[quote]
Also, because I married in the US, I now must consider the US to be my home base. I still get back to Taiwan a month each year (up to 5 weeks this year, let’s see how far it can stretch!) and enjoy it while I’m there, but am always ready to come back when the time is up. But that is because my family is here. In MT’s case, with the parents in the US and the spouse in Taiwan, it is very difficult, and not just a matter of which place is more interesting, more special or more convenient.[/quote]

Ironlady, I hope to do the same. I plan to get my Master’s in Speech Language Therapy and spend every July and August in Taiwan. I will get a pension from the school when I retire. Not to mention that I think I can top my teacher’s salary off by tutoring math in the evenings. I also have some writing contacts, so I may write in the evenings.

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Thanks for your great contributions everyone. :notworthy:

zender, I watched the videos, did some California dreamin’ and cried (almost).

muchaman, I appreciated your wonderful descriptions of just a handful of Taiwan’s wonderful charms. You told it well. But as I said, the problem’s not that I don’t appreciate Taiwan; it’s just that I’m being torn in half. I’m perfectly happy and content here, I do enjoy Taiwan, but at the same time I feel this endless pull back to California and back to spend some time with my aging parents before they die.

valor, I appreciated your Just Do It post. That tends to be my sentiment as well. Heck, I think most of us fully understand and agree with that sentiment, being the kind of crazy lunatics who would chuck everything “back home” to pack up and move across the world to Taiwan. But it’s not so easy. As someone correctly noted after your Just Do It post, there’s the irksome issue of finding suitable employment “back home.”

If I were a 22 year-old, single new college grad that wouldn’t be such an issue. I could easily find work waiting tables, or as a prep cook, or painting houses, or something like that, and I’d be fine. But I’ve got a grown-up, mature, serious wife and child counting on me to move carefully into mature, responsible, appropriate circumstances that will ensure at least the same level of comfort and security not just now but through my daughter’s college and my retirement. And, I’m not a recent college grad. I’ve got a doctorate and 20 years professional experience, so I’ve worked my way up to an advanced, specialized position, where there are far fewer employment opportunities, far stricter screening/hiring process, and far more competition from lots of highly skilled, experienced professionals who already live back there and didn’t remove themselves from the scene for a decade.

That’s the problem. Happy here, but feeling a need to go back and spend time with my parents before they die (maybe it won’t be this year, but it’s fairly likely it may be in the next few years), and to give them and my daughter the immense mutual thrill of spending more time together while they can, but at the same time finding it extremely difficult to land suitable employment back there, all of which leaves me restless and unsettled, which I can handle just fine as that’s how I’ve been my whole life, but which regrettably causes my wife great distress and consternation, though she tries her best to ignore my pull back to California and the possibility that some day I may actually follow through on it and yank us all across the ocean to an uncertain future in a state and country that have declined dramatically and are now beset with countless financial troubles and the possibility that one year after we return my company might downsize and I’ll be standing in the unemployment line in California with the other 12% of the population. :idunno:

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MT, I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner… and why aren’t you guys doing this already? :slight_smile:

Correct me if I’m wrong, but your daughter is old enough to be capable of self care, dressing herself, taking a shower, making herself a sandwich, and so on, right? So why can’t she go to your folks’ house by herself for a few weeks each summer and winter? She will be on her best behavior and she will mean just a bit of extra laundry and bigger meals to prepare for your mom (and maybe she has help for those sorts of things already anyway). Maybe the first time, send your wife along, or take a leave and go along yourself, to show your daughter what the deal will be and how to go through the airport and all that.

Nobody has to up sticks. Nobody has to find or quit a job. Your daughter gets to have a fantastic adventure in California, and everyone (except the grownups still slaving away at their job(s) in Taiwan to pay for said adventure) gets to have some lovely family time together before, as you say, it’s too late.

My daughter will be 11 next year. Her father is from Norwich in the UK but he has lived in the US since he met me (1995). His parents (who I love dearly and who are still nice to me years after the divorce) have committed to our daughter that they will come visit her once a year for two weeks in the winter (grandpa’s been twice and I think granny’s visited seven years now). We have committed to send our daughter to the UK for two weeks each summer, and the past few years they’ve tacked on a third week to go have an adventure in the south of France (and that makes me REALLY jealous). My daughter’s been old enough to do the flying by herself for four years now; she is a great traveler and relishes the freedom of so many hours without parents, though of course she is signed over to a British Airways staff person who is officially responsible for her. There’s a fee for the “unattended minor child” but it’s not very much, I think it was $100 last year.

Anyway, it’s something to consider. It doesn’t get ALL of you gobs and gobs of time with your parents, but it does address a little bit of the issue you’re struggling with. Of course, it just won’t work if your parents are too frail themselves to tolerate even a well-behaved small person running around…

P.S. I don’t think the agony you’re going through is isolated to ex-pats pining for home. I’m cooking up quite a mid-life “what the fuck am I doing and is that ALL I’ve managed to accomplish with my life?” drama myself, and I’m just working in Taiwan for part of the year. Don’t buy a fast motorcycle or car, or have (an/another) affair, and you’ll get through it OK. :thumbsup:

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I am hesitant to post among “lifers on the Rock” in this thread due to lack of wisdom. MT, I moved back home after 5 in TW to get back with the family because I heard dad wasn’t feeling well. We spent a year getting reacquainted, and I built the best and most precious friendship I have had to this day. The second year he went down hill and the 3rd it was finished. We are still at home, living near mom and constantly in contact with her, making sure her needs are met. It has been 8 years now. The career path, and especially the reverse culture shock, was a great challenge, but things eventually fell into place. I am at least 10 years younger than you, so I don’t think my post means too much in your situation, but for me, the sacrifice has been well worth. I will never fit in your shoes, but just wanted to share.

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Utterly banal post: have you started using Skype video to chat regularly with your parents? I started doing that a couple of years ago with my folks, and it’s made a world of difference on the “parents getting older and I’m over here” issue, which is my main concern about living in Taiwan for the long term.

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No need to apologize zaowangyeh (especially with such an awesome avatar). Your post was right on point. Thanks.

As for skype-video, good suggestion, but it didn’t work so well for us. I bought my folks a webcam several years ago and hooked them up to skype video and we tried a few calls, but it was always jerky and difficult and more of a technical exercise (my parents are even more lame with tech than me) than a family get together.

And DiaFun, yes, that’s a great suggestion. We did a trial run this past summer. I flew to SF, dropped off my girl with my folks, flew to Seattle for 5 days, then flew back and picked her up on my way back to Taipei. She survived. . . and the three of them had a great time. So my wife and I discussed next time sending her over alone (supervised by stewardesses), but my folks are getting older rapidly, so my wife worries (perhaps justifiably) that they might do something foolish like forget to seatbelt her in when my dad drives through red lights, or take her on an all-day excursion with no sunscreen, water or snacks, or . . . who knows, but we fear they’ll increasingly have difficulty taking care of themselves, so it’s a little incongruous sending a small child over for them to care for her. Probably all would/will work out fine, but there would/will be some uncertainty. But we’ll probably give it a shot next summer.

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Ha! I know what you mean. I tried that with my grandparents last year and we spent 30 minutes listening to my gran complaining about the feed quality, and that she could hear an echo etc etc.

Now I’m just back to calling them on the landline (and we don’t get any good deals to SA like they have to NA :frowning: ).

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I came here in the late 80s, and during this time, we’ve tried both home (Sweden), the US and Thailand for extended periods. By now, the only reason for me to move back, or even go back to visit, would be to be able to spend time with my folks (mom in mid-70s and dad in his mid-80s) and my sister. After all this time, there aren’t too many, probably no other things that would be able to pull me back. Not knowing what relationship your wife has with her family, the way I and my wife reasoned was that when you marry across borders, and even across the other side of the world, one of you has to live away from his/her family.

If we went back to where I came from, then my wife wouldn’t be able to spend time with her folks, and if we stay here I’m unable to spend time with mine. So how do you decide whose parents are more important? You don’t, of course. Her folks is as important to her as my folks are to me, so either way, one of us is bound to feel bad about the situation. In the end, we simply decided that since we have a great life here in Taiwan, and since this is where we have our jobs and friends, and where we have built the history that Mucha Man was talking about in a great post earlier in this thread, this is the place to be. Looking at it this way clarified the situation well enough for us that we decided to stay here, and now we travel back to see my folks once a year, and we frequently use Skype video so we can see each other whenever we want.

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Not much I can say but that the headhunter is right. And I don’t think it’s going to get better next year. I see some increase in my bank account and I do feel an ease slightly in the wallet, but as far as the overall picture, it’s going to get nastier in 2011 IMHO. I wish you luck with your plans MT, if any thing CA does seem like the best place to be out of all the states, minus their deficit. But what can I say, I’m just waiting for the state of Ill to get honest – hahaha—about their broke azzez. Keep trying but I’d plan for 2013. I think there’s going to be a huge shift after the big elections in 2012 that will give a better gauge of the course of the country.

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zender: That song Don’t Worry Baby was supposedly written when/after Brian Wilson heard about JFK’s assassination.

HH: In theory, the property bubble in Australia should burst, and it will if the economy in Australia takes a nosedive (especially if the economy in China takes a nosedive). However, unless there’s high unemployment and/or inflation and people can’t meet their mortgage payments (people are massively in debt in Australia), it won’t happen. Here’s why:

  1. Yes, Australia has tons of land. However, the state governments have policies in place to restrict the release of land for suburban development. This keeps supply artificially low.

  2. There is high immigration to Australia, which keeps demand high.

  3. Many Australians have a significant portion of their personal wealth tied up in their primary residence or an investment property. Of course, it’s all a bit of a giant ponzi scheme, and the state and federal governments realise this. However, anything that would be seen to reduce the value of properties, even just paper value that people don’t expect to cash in for a while (though the Baby Boomers are cashing it in right now, and there are tons of those guys), would be electoral suicide. No politician is going to touch that with a pole of any length.

Anyway…

At this point in time, moving back to Australia is not on my agenda. There’s a ton that’s great about it, but the daily grind isn’t, and the cost of living is too much. I also have no real desire to deal with the feral kids who pass for school children at many schools. Also, I just really like being an expat. I like the attention, both good and bad. I like the adventure. I like just not fitting in, even slightly, and always struggling with what would be mundane activities in Australia.

That said, whilst I like where I currently live in Taiwan, it’s still too remote in some ways, yet I can’t palate the more populated parts of Taiwan. They’re simply too hectic and I don’t think I’d ever adapt to them, to be honest. I also don’t think I would ever speak Chinese well enough to immerse myself in the place (though then I would lack the adventure of struggling with the mundane), and I’m also just not that interested in Chinese culture then or Taiwanese culture now. The prospect of raising kids here really doesn’t agree with me. I teach in the government system, and I know how horrendous it is. The major factor for me at this point in my life is career/earning potential. It simply isn’t here for me, at least not in this line of work, but I’m not so inclined to change my line of work now, not since my wife and I want to have kids within the next few years. Taiwan just isn’t a good fit for me, and won’t be for the next couple of decades. Perhaps in the future I might return, though to be honest, the thought of living in a part of China (as Taiwan surely will be) in twenty years doesn’t appeal unless things progress a lot on the mainland.

I started a preliminary search for jobs in other countries last week. I updated my resume this morning and will fire it off to a whole bunch of people over the course of this week. Ideally, by the time I turn 35 in early February, or shortly thereafter, I’ll know I’ll be leaving Taiwan. As I think about it now, there’s a lot that I haven’t enjoyed about Taiwan, there’s a little that I have enjoyed, and there’s a lot that’s been somewhere in between. However, I have met three very important people here with whom I hope to have long-lasting relationships – my wife, and two people who have helped me to learn a lot about investing and/or made me money. If for no other reason, all of the shit I have endured (or think I have endured), even at an evil place like Hess, has been worth it because it all led to me meeting those people. It’s time to move on though.

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Ha! I know what you mean. I tried that with my grandparents last year and we spent 30 minutes listening to my gran complaining about the feed quality, and that she could hear an echo etc etc.

Now I’m just back to calling them on the landline (and we don’t get any good deals to SA like they have to NA :frowning: ).[/quote]

Use iPod Touch 4 or iPhone 4 and FaceTime. This has transformed how and in what ways I can get in touch with my folks. It’s dead easy, three touches to set up a call, and the quality is great. It just works. No computer. No messing around with anything. The iPod sits somewhere in the house like an normal portable phone. It rings, they pick it up. If you only call them with that “phone”, then they have no choice but to talk to you on that.

If they have a WiFi in their house and you know the parameters, you can set up everything and send them the iPod Touch. Tell them you are sending them a “video phone”. When they get it, just call it. The rest will take care of itself. That’s what I did.

That said, I think if it is in your heart to get back, figure something out and just go. As for unemployment rate, if you think about it, in a group of 10 people, you only have to be better than one of them at getting a job and you won’t be unemployed. If what’s most important to you is time with your folks and your kids time with your folks, you’ll definitely have the drive to make it work.

As a start, why not just post your resume on Monster early in January (nobody in the States is doing jack shit on hiring this week), hit up a couple of potential postings, and see what your prospects look like?

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To the OP: better than being a lifer in Korea.