Ok, I’m a total idiot on this matter, so need some guidance and pointers. Planning to get married in the next year or so, but have no idea what to do. I have so many questions. Please help me answer some.
Is it necessary to get an engagement ring? How much do you usually spend on a ring? What’s the difference between an engagement ring and wedding ring?
Before you propose, is it better to ask your girlfreinds’ parents for their blessings first. (Girlfriend is Taiwanese)
Want to get married in a church, do you have to both be Christian to do so? And do you have to belong to a certain church to be married at that church?
I know I still have tons of stupid questions to ask, but can’t think of them right now. I’ll add somemore when they come to me.
[quote=“KawasakiRider”]Ok, I’m a total idiot on this matter, so need some guidance and pointers. Planning to get married in the next year or so, but have no idea what to do. I have so many questions. Please help me answer some.
Is it necessary to get an engagement ring? How much do you usually spend on a ring? What’s the difference between an engagement ring and wedding ring?
Before you propose, is it better to ask your girlfreinds’ parents for their blessings first. (Girlfriend is Taiwanese)
Want to get married in a church, do you have to both be Christian to do so? And do you have to belong to a certain church to be married at that church?
I know I still have tons of stupid questions to ask, but can’t think of them right now. I’ll add somemore when they come to me.
Thanks in advance.[/quote]
Firstly, congratulations on your engagement and wish you all the best.
Re: engagement ring – typically that’s not an Asian thing to do. Here, you should ask your fiancee what she thinks. Don’t mortgage your future for it is my opinion.
Fiancee’s parental blessings – yes, absolutely. Hopefully you’re not a surprise to them and they’ll warm up to the idea if not already.
Church – Maybe. Some churches require that you join their church in order to have the ceremony performed under their direction. Renting a church is not a common practice. Some churches would require that your future spouse also be a Christian (e.g. baptized) and require some pre-marital counseling and what-not.
there is a thread on rings and such floating around here somewhere. as yc said, spending your wad on a ring is expected by some, and disdained by others. have a look at that thread.
parental blessing is a bit of a mixed bag. we were together for 5 years before we got hitched, and the wife’s mom was practically begging us to do it when we did. so that’s one option
if you haven’t been together that long, the situation will likely be different. i would certainly ask their permission, but i have no idea how they will react. you know more about them than we do. about their attitudes towards you (foreigners in general …). so while i offer you my example, yrmv. but do it anyways, and even if they don’t like you, they might well respect that you had the stones to ask them first, before you disregarded what they said and got hitched anyways.
different churches have their own rules. we didn’t get married in a church, cause i want to do that sometime back in canada, hopefully with my buddy’s dad officiating. we had a service in the court - kinda fun actually … celebrity for 2 hours sort of thing.
good luck. and once you get all that figured out, then you can start with the reception headache, the pictures, the cookies …
Thanks for the info guys. We have been together for 3 years. Her parents are cool with me, I pass by their store on the way to work everyday and say hi. Want to ask, how much did you guys spend on your wedding rings? Gotta start saving for that. Have any of you guys done the Taiwanese wedding thing? What’s the biggest part of that? One last question, I know the wedding picture thing is a must, so any recommended photo studios Taipei? Don’t want any of those cheesy cutsy Taiwanese photos.
diff people have diff beliefs on how much to spend. i would only suggest that you don’t buy a rock that puts you in financial hole that you need to climb out of.
if you do a civil service, it’s just paperwork that needs doing. the reception price depends on what you are looking for. you can go to a chinese style one wiht the round tables and get served food that your friends may not like, but her family will be used to. you can go to a buffet - we did. everyone can eat what they want. prices are per head at buffet, per table at the chinese style. it would be tough to get under $500 per person, more likely $700 per. the red envelopes should cover most (all?) of it if you’re lucky.
the pics are a long, time-consuming process. but few are the women who don’t want 'em. whichever place you choose (or she chooses), just tell them what kind of shots you are looking for. go thru a few of the albums they have on display, and say what you like and don’t like. we had some shots done at the beach, and others in the studio. these will dent your pocketbook some as well - hope you have some hong bao money left to cover them.
Thanks again. BTW, I’m not the guy trying to sell a bike. I would never get rid of my second wife. She’s a fun ride . I’ll do some more research on the reception thing. Now to think of a special way to propose.
Ring: 20,000 - 100,000. But Im not sure if this is an engagement ring or a wedding ring. if you were planning on doing the Western thing of proposing to her with the ring you chose, buy a cheaper one that you think she’ll like and then let her choose the big one later.
Parental ‘permission’: This is traditional. I say propose privately first, then go and meet the parents to ask permission, before you go announcing it to anyone. You then have to decide whether or not to have a formal ‘engagement’ (dinghun).
Cookies: Don’t bake them yourself! The whole point is the expensive packaging.
Photos: These can actually be very good. Wander up Zhongshan N Rd (if in Taipei) checking out a number of studios. Look at their sample books. Show them what photos you like and don’t like and they might be able to show you books more to your liking. Choose a studio you like and on the day, be very specific (examples from their past books, nd pictures form magazines) about what style you like. I recommend buying a good suit if you don’t have one - it’ll make a lot of difference in the photos too.
There’ve been posts about receptions before too. Try searching the forums a bit, and you’ll see lots of good advice.
And if you are having the reception… do try and do something that is not like those really expensive hotel recepitions that last two hours… are boring… and generally a waste of money ( well to me). But you have to consider what her family wants
We did ours in a restaurant in Keelung near the ocean… although there were objections at the beginning and the fact that I wanted fried rice and some normal food on the menu… everyone was pleased at the end
Just get loads of beer!!!
On the pictures… make sure you remind that not to put in those cheesy poetic lines and wacky inserts such as hearts and cupid
I got hitched in the legal sense on Tuesday. Damn good laugh doing things at the court. We were one of three couples getting married at the time. Judge(?) went down the line and when she got to me said ‘do you want to marry?’ to which I replied ‘yeah, sure, why not!’ and after a farcical episode with some special rings her parents insisted on (bloody horrible looking things which didn’t fit on my less that delicate digits) everything was over.
The other two couples were an interesting pair. One couple looked like a bin lang girl who had just got off her shift and her fella looked like he just came from a kitchen at a hotel. The other couple looked like they were either terminally ill or drug addicts.
The other major highlight was my mother-in-law having to write her name in roman lettering for the first time in her life. It was like being back in bushiban teaching the real beginners.
I’m thinking of doing the church wedding thing in the summer. Just have to start negotiating with the priest. I think we will be doing the parties then too. My main piece of advice is just to let the locals organise as much as possible. I had no idea what was going on at the court which kind of added to the fun and reduced any stress levels to a minimum. You will also need to give your documents and those of the witnesses to the court three working days before the wedding. (all though this being Taiwan, YMMV)
Engagement rings / parties aren’t necessary anymore. Yes, go and ask for the parnets’ blessing before doing anything else. If you don’t get it, hold off until you do. Your gf already knows you’re getting married, so no need to propose.
Wedding in church might be tricky if you’re not in the congregation, but most priests will conduct ceremonies outside even for non church folk. So pick a restaurant and hire a priest.
Avoid the big picture thing if you possibly can, very tiring and expensive. Just cut to the chase and do a couple of outfits and locations, half a day at most. Put the money you saved here into nicer cake boxes and invites. This and a good choice at the restaurant will give you a shot at coming out even or actually turning a profit. Ask the girl who does your fiancee’s makeup if she’s available to do the job over at the restaurant before the reception, or if she can recommend someone. They all have big dressing rooms for this purpose. One change of outfit is enough, and you won’t feel too rushed. Take some CDs unless you like elevator muzak.
You are not going to get to eat any more than a couple of mouthfuls of food at the reception, so make sure you eat well before the reception and stash some munchies in the dressing room 'cause the girls are going to busy in there for several hours before it starts. Picking a restaurant is tricky, but avoid the flash location / cheap food combination. IOW, if budget is a real issue then go for a midrange table price at a less splashy restaurant. Do not order the cheapest set table on the menu, or even the next cheapest. Nothing worse for the guests than crap food or not enough of it, and years later that’s all they’ll remember. Don’t be shy to ask what the items on the menus actually are, they’re all written in very fancy esoteric language that even the locals can’t understand.
Make sure the restaurant will keep a couple or more tables in reserve if by some freak all of your guests show up. Expect 80% of RSVP’d guests to arrive, no more. It’s better (and cheaper) to have to cram in 11 or 12 at a table than to book too many and have all the empty space and food.
You get much better deals and service at these restaurants when the date you picked isn’t one of those 大好日子, and more of your guests will make it. Don’t do lunchtime, everyone hates that. Pick a restaurant near a reasonable bar so you can stagger over there afterwards without having the hassle of driving or finding cabs for everyone.
Try and invite as many childless married couples as you can. They aren’t getting married again anytime soon (to red-bomb you back), and they won’t bring 14 screaming brats to fill seats that are meant for red-envelope-stuffing adults. Put someone really trustworthy (like a sister) in charge of collecting the red envelopes. I heard too many stories about some ‘best friend’ skimming the money, or running off with the whole pile… And make sure they keep a good record of who gave what so you know how much to give them when they red-bomb you back.
There are a bunch of traditional party games you can play at the end of the eating part to keep things going a while longer. That kind of avoids the whole ‘its-been-two-hours-so-we-better-go-now’ thing.
If you are Roman Catholic, and your partner is not, and you want to marry “in” the church here in Taiwan, then there are two basic things you’ll need:
Preparation for Marriage classes
Dispensation from the Archdiocese
Note that if your partner is Christian, then he/she would be considered Non-Catholic. If you partner is not baptised at all, then she/he is considered an “Infidel”. I think the processes are slightly different, and my impressions is that things are simpler for Infidels than Non-Catholics (so if you are really interested in this, you had best do more research - I am not very interested)
I have found that different parishes offer different Preparation for Marriage classes. Some are 4 sessions, some are 6. I’m told they are about 2 hours per session - and normally, the church prefers to space these out over 3 months prior to the wedding.
I understand that the purpose is to ensure that both parties deeply understand the responsibilities of marriage. The exact scheduling of the classes is worked out between the couple and the priest. It seems to me that procedures here in Taiwan are more flexible than in Roman Catholic countries.
Dispensation (“Dispensa”) is applied for with the Archdiocese.
[quote=“Under CHAPTER II : DIRIMENT IMPEDIMENTS IN GENERAL, whoever wrote the Code of Canon Law”][url=IntraText Digital Library]Can. 1078
